Day four, and healing
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 19
Day four, and healing
I hope I'm posting in the right place. For now it helps me to update each day here, it really has been a help. Today will be day four. Last night, for a few minutes, I thought about having a beer. I've done that before, just had one beer, felt good, proud of myself for not over indulging, but it just increases feom there. I realized it's like permission, if I give my self permission, I 'll just indulge, I develop a really high tolerance pretty quick. If I go a couple of days, then have one drink, I really feel it, of course a week later one drink is nothing, seriously I feel nothing until I've have at least four. Then I'm back feeling like crap, having horrible time in the bathroom, feeling my heart flutter, scary.I didn't have the beer, I past it. I distracted my self after realizing, I really don't want it.
People say you don't grow when you're in your addiction. I have something to add to that. I did grow in someways, very deep changes took place in me over the past three years, I understood them and feel them in my heart. I've become a better person, more patient, kind and empathetic. the thing is that it was incubating, I couldn't own it, but these past three days, I could actually step into the new more wise parts of myself. So for me, the past three days have been very interesting. So many of the internal changes I have felt are coming out. I think it may have something to do with regulating emotions, something no can do when drinking, although I fooled myself into thinking I could. I can be more genuine, I feel like I have given myself a gift, and I think I will be able to share the gift with others. No wonder everyone is so supportive of others when they quit. I'm just glad that for now, I am able to choose a new life, I feel so much better, I hope that means my body can heal. I've done a lot of damage. So, I feel grateful to have a strong body, I hope I can heal in many ways, my liver, stomach, my heart, and my spirit. I think that's a prayer
People say you don't grow when you're in your addiction. I have something to add to that. I did grow in someways, very deep changes took place in me over the past three years, I understood them and feel them in my heart. I've become a better person, more patient, kind and empathetic. the thing is that it was incubating, I couldn't own it, but these past three days, I could actually step into the new more wise parts of myself. So for me, the past three days have been very interesting. So many of the internal changes I have felt are coming out. I think it may have something to do with regulating emotions, something no can do when drinking, although I fooled myself into thinking I could. I can be more genuine, I feel like I have given myself a gift, and I think I will be able to share the gift with others. No wonder everyone is so supportive of others when they quit. I'm just glad that for now, I am able to choose a new life, I feel so much better, I hope that means my body can heal. I've done a lot of damage. So, I feel grateful to have a strong body, I hope I can heal in many ways, my liver, stomach, my heart, and my spirit. I think that's a prayer
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 144
Hello hopebutterfly and welcome!!
Your post is very enlightening and thank you for writing it!
I agree with you, if we continue to drink blindly then perhaps we do not grow, but if we realize that we need to quit (and maybe have difficultly quitting but the intention is there) then there is growth.
I also agree with you about the emotional aspects. As you sober up, your brain starts to process stuff that we have buried for so many years. For me, the emotional roller coaster is a bit of a challenge. I find that I have a lot of resentment and anger at who or what I'm not really sure. I can pick "targets" but are they the "real" problem? I don't think so. The one nice thing that I am finding is that as the days go by, the roller coaster is leveling out. I can count to 10 as it were and instead of being explosive or mean, now I can think it out and decide if it is worth being a jerk. Yes, this is a skill that I do have much work to do with, but I feel that I can accomplish it.
Sometimes, I think we might be a bit too hard on ourselves, or too judgemental. I was talking with my mom about a failed relationship but one thing she said to me (she knows my ex) and my ex had told her how utterly kind and patient I was with her. I NEVER even saw this in myself. We are not all bad, we just have to believe that
Take care!
Your post is very enlightening and thank you for writing it!
I agree with you, if we continue to drink blindly then perhaps we do not grow, but if we realize that we need to quit (and maybe have difficultly quitting but the intention is there) then there is growth.
I also agree with you about the emotional aspects. As you sober up, your brain starts to process stuff that we have buried for so many years. For me, the emotional roller coaster is a bit of a challenge. I find that I have a lot of resentment and anger at who or what I'm not really sure. I can pick "targets" but are they the "real" problem? I don't think so. The one nice thing that I am finding is that as the days go by, the roller coaster is leveling out. I can count to 10 as it were and instead of being explosive or mean, now I can think it out and decide if it is worth being a jerk. Yes, this is a skill that I do have much work to do with, but I feel that I can accomplish it.
Sometimes, I think we might be a bit too hard on ourselves, or too judgemental. I was talking with my mom about a failed relationship but one thing she said to me (she knows my ex) and my ex had told her how utterly kind and patient I was with her. I NEVER even saw this in myself. We are not all bad, we just have to believe that
Take care!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 134
Hopebutterfly, congratulations on day 4. You are in the right place! I read your post and as most of us on here can relate so can I.
I had my share of roller coasters, even today. I would give so easily into my thoughts that depression sank so deep that I felt as if I was suffocating in my own skin because that is how much I WANTED to drink.
I tried to do things on my own ... even without God. How far did that get me? Ummm... relapse.
You hear the saying a lot, 'well, I just gave into God' not for me, I invited God into my situation even though he already knew what was going on. There is a huge difference when you give into God and you Invite God into your situation; your mind starts to transform. During my sobriety I have learned that I am not responsible for that first thought, but I am responsible for my next action. I don't believe everything I think anymore. Period.
I've grown so much within these past 24 days. I'm learning that I can have fun, be okay with myself, yet I still keep hold of my boundaries. Boundaries are a must in a recovery position. Without boundaries and setting them, it is harder to cope being sober.
Keep your head up! You are headed in the right direction.
I had my share of roller coasters, even today. I would give so easily into my thoughts that depression sank so deep that I felt as if I was suffocating in my own skin because that is how much I WANTED to drink.
I tried to do things on my own ... even without God. How far did that get me? Ummm... relapse.
You hear the saying a lot, 'well, I just gave into God' not for me, I invited God into my situation even though he already knew what was going on. There is a huge difference when you give into God and you Invite God into your situation; your mind starts to transform. During my sobriety I have learned that I am not responsible for that first thought, but I am responsible for my next action. I don't believe everything I think anymore. Period.
I've grown so much within these past 24 days. I'm learning that I can have fun, be okay with myself, yet I still keep hold of my boundaries. Boundaries are a must in a recovery position. Without boundaries and setting them, it is harder to cope being sober.
Keep your head up! You are headed in the right direction.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 19
Day five. I feel really good. It's a bitter sweet thing...that almost all the symptoms I dealt with everyday are gone for the most part. Bathroom is more normal, not quite healthy but much better. Pain in various places is much better. My tummy is still bloated but not as much, and it doesn't hurt like it did to poke it. It's so sad I CANNOT ever go back!
The best thing I feel right now is that the fog is lifting. I stopped looking toward the future because somehow I knew I could not live a long time drinking like that. Now I am starting to feel, that maybe, I can survive this and live for quite some time. I hope so.
Body, I love you, I'm sorry for hurting you...us. Let's get some couple counseling and I'll be better to you. Ha! I need some comedy right now. Day five, the best thing I've even done for myself.
The best thing I feel right now is that the fog is lifting. I stopped looking toward the future because somehow I knew I could not live a long time drinking like that. Now I am starting to feel, that maybe, I can survive this and live for quite some time. I hope so.
Body, I love you, I'm sorry for hurting you...us. Let's get some couple counseling and I'll be better to you. Ha! I need some comedy right now. Day five, the best thing I've even done for myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Chuck48 
I love this uplifting post! Your body and soul sound like they're definitely on the road to full recovery :-)
Day six now for me. Someone had wrote that they've been sober for months and they feel "giddy" about it, I think I can understand that because I'm on an upswing I guess.
I had not had the alcohol talk with my husband yet, there've been two beers and a fourth of a bottle of wine in the fridge for the past week. Well, last night when I was making some dinner, he pulled out a beer and the wine bottle and said, there's some drinks, here, drink em. (He's not a pusher, had he any idea that I have a problem and didn't want to drink, he would not do that) So I thought hey, now's the time. I told him that I feel better when I don't drink, and decided not to anymore. Then, I wanted to be more honest, so I added, I think I was liking it too much, and needing it too much, in fact, it's been a problem for me for quite some time. My body doesn't like it, I think I need to be a non drinker. He said oh, alright, and called me by the pet name he has for me. He drank the beer and put the wine back in the fridge. He's the kind that can have a drink after work and then go do whatever else, like no big deal. I've never seen him drink too much, ever. That's not me, I don't know why, maybe I just like to take thinks all the way.
I had no temptation at all when he did that...but I know that the time will come when it is tempting. Not sure what my game plan will be, I hope my counselor can help me come up with something that's right for me.
Right now I'm excited because I feel good, I want to get my body in better shape, that's exciting too. Most of all I feel more clear headed and present. The best thing right now is that I am enjoying being sober at night. It's actually a lot more pleasant I'm emotionally more calm, but somewhat more fidgety. So I get up from the couch and stretch...and do things, where I used to just veg and zone out.
When I have two weeks, I'm going to tell my hubby more about how much I struggle with alcohol, he really seems to have NO idea! Maybe we can go out and celebrate. I want to celebrate clarity, self-care, and make a toast to becoming an elder who has some wisdom to pass on someday. Yeah
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
You sound so hopeful and positive - that's wonderful, hopebutterfly. 6 days is fabulous. Glad to hear you won't be 'phoning it in' anymore . Wish I'd stopped when I realized I was liking it too much. Good job.
. Wish I'd stopped when I realized I was liking it too much. Good job.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: southern Oregon
Posts: 365
hopebutterfly, day seven? Yay!
I was the one who said I felt giddy at times being sober....but I'm only at day 26.
I always seem to look for your posts and see how you're getting along. I guess that's something that happens on this wonderful forum; you get to connect with people going through the very real and raw emotions of new sobriety. It's comforting to me. I also don't feel so alone in my fight against the monster who wants to destroy me. (that's how I look at drinking now).
Hey, good move on telling your partner you don't want to drink. I faced something similar today, with a former family member. I will have to face a visit to her home without drinking alcohol....which is what we always did before...I did tell her I'm not drinking anymore, cause I was too out of control. So, we'll see how that turns out.
Anyways, good luck and many hugs to you on your own journey. Keep posting, and enjoying the good stuff about being sober. Let us know when you feel giddy, lol!
Peace,
~Heartfan
I was the one who said I felt giddy at times being sober....but I'm only at day 26.
I always seem to look for your posts and see how you're getting along. I guess that's something that happens on this wonderful forum; you get to connect with people going through the very real and raw emotions of new sobriety. It's comforting to me. I also don't feel so alone in my fight against the monster who wants to destroy me. (that's how I look at drinking now).
Hey, good move on telling your partner you don't want to drink. I faced something similar today, with a former family member. I will have to face a visit to her home without drinking alcohol....which is what we always did before...I did tell her I'm not drinking anymore, cause I was too out of control. So, we'll see how that turns out.
Anyways, good luck and many hugs to you on your own journey. Keep posting, and enjoying the good stuff about being sober. Let us know when you feel giddy, lol!
Peace,
~Heartfan
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