my story
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 13
my story
I have been lurking here in the forum for a while and thought I would share my experience. I am sure this will serve as a reminder to some, so here goes.
I was a heavy drinker, mostly beer and rye. In that order every day for a good 5 years, but it took me 5 years to lead up to that. I didn't see it coming. I drank every day for the better part of a decade. Told myself almost daily "I'm not going to drink tonight" and every night I went to bed ashamed at how I couldn't even keep a promise to myself for one day. I took antacids daily to stop the acid reflux that would keep me up at night. I was in bad shape and everyone around me, Including my wife ignored it because I was extremely high functioning. I never went to work hungover and generally could control when I stopped drinking in the evenings to wake up sober if I had to work the next day. But if I had a day off I was out of control. I spent every day at work waiting to get home for that first sip, that feeling of standing in front of the fridge and seeing the glorious appliance that housed the only thing I cared to see at the end of the day. Some nights I only had a 3 or beers, others I had to count the empties and check my receipts to see where I had been and how much I drank. I was terrible to everyone around me.
One day I woke up and said enough is enough. I was finished. I sat my wife down and told her I couldn't do it any more and that was that. For a year and a half I was sober, I lost a lot of friends who didn't want to be around someone who was sober but I didn't care because I felt fantastic. I lost 60lbs (no joke) and started working out, I looked good, I liked who I was.
Then one day last October about 10 of my old drinking buddies wanted to get together, and after 4 hours of nagging I gave in. I was back at it. At first I only had a few beers every couple of weeks, then I was having a beer or two every other day. I didn't drink at home much, mostly out when socializing, then one weekend I bought a case of beer and started drinking at home. And after a few nights I was back to drinking 6 beers a night. One evening I had that old burning in my stomach and took a few tums, and that was it, I knew I had a problem and it was time to make a change...again.
I thought I had it under control and I didn't, I desperately wanted to be able to drink socially in moderation, but I can't and never will. I am actually glad I had the experience, I was able to see that no amount of time will change what I am. I like who I am when I am sober, I am a pleasant person, I am patient, and happy to an almost annoying level. Today marks 10 days sober and although I have let myself down in the past, I am great full I still have the courage to change, my daemons haven't taken my will to carry on in the right direction.
I was a heavy drinker, mostly beer and rye. In that order every day for a good 5 years, but it took me 5 years to lead up to that. I didn't see it coming. I drank every day for the better part of a decade. Told myself almost daily "I'm not going to drink tonight" and every night I went to bed ashamed at how I couldn't even keep a promise to myself for one day. I took antacids daily to stop the acid reflux that would keep me up at night. I was in bad shape and everyone around me, Including my wife ignored it because I was extremely high functioning. I never went to work hungover and generally could control when I stopped drinking in the evenings to wake up sober if I had to work the next day. But if I had a day off I was out of control. I spent every day at work waiting to get home for that first sip, that feeling of standing in front of the fridge and seeing the glorious appliance that housed the only thing I cared to see at the end of the day. Some nights I only had a 3 or beers, others I had to count the empties and check my receipts to see where I had been and how much I drank. I was terrible to everyone around me.
One day I woke up and said enough is enough. I was finished. I sat my wife down and told her I couldn't do it any more and that was that. For a year and a half I was sober, I lost a lot of friends who didn't want to be around someone who was sober but I didn't care because I felt fantastic. I lost 60lbs (no joke) and started working out, I looked good, I liked who I was.
Then one day last October about 10 of my old drinking buddies wanted to get together, and after 4 hours of nagging I gave in. I was back at it. At first I only had a few beers every couple of weeks, then I was having a beer or two every other day. I didn't drink at home much, mostly out when socializing, then one weekend I bought a case of beer and started drinking at home. And after a few nights I was back to drinking 6 beers a night. One evening I had that old burning in my stomach and took a few tums, and that was it, I knew I had a problem and it was time to make a change...again.
I thought I had it under control and I didn't, I desperately wanted to be able to drink socially in moderation, but I can't and never will. I am actually glad I had the experience, I was able to see that no amount of time will change what I am. I like who I am when I am sober, I am a pleasant person, I am patient, and happy to an almost annoying level. Today marks 10 days sober and although I have let myself down in the past, I am great full I still have the courage to change, my daemons haven't taken my will to carry on in the right direction.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Thanks LongRoad. I needed to see this.
Today is day 108, but I continue to miss the comfort of a drink. I was thinking of this last night, but quickly realized that it wasn't a single drink that I wanted ... I wanted to drink for the remainder of the evening.
Your story strengthens my resolve to never drink again. Thank you for sharing your story.
Today is day 108, but I continue to miss the comfort of a drink. I was thinking of this last night, but quickly realized that it wasn't a single drink that I wanted ... I wanted to drink for the remainder of the evening.
Your story strengthens my resolve to never drink again. Thank you for sharing your story.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
TLR - thanks for your post today. I am basically your mirror copy, only my poison was wine. Every night it was 2-3 glasses, every morning I kicked ass at work, and my mood was generally great, except when kick starting my mornings again. Every night i would tell myself no drinking tomorrow, and every tomorrow i counted down the minutes till i got home. Tums and I were best friends - the friendship you pay wholesale club memberships for because the quantity included in that bottle ensured and enduring friendship.
Then there was that Saturday night that a friend of mine and I finished a bottle and a half of scotch, and I had no idea how my tolerance built up that high. Granted it was over several hours, but I knew that the fact I was up at 3AM filled with terror meant I had a problem. I downloaded the BB and have been sober since then (16 months).
My thanks? Because I'm right at the inflection point of where you relapsed, and need stories like yours to help remind me why peer pressure is no match for the effects of alcohol. Thanks again!
Then there was that Saturday night that a friend of mine and I finished a bottle and a half of scotch, and I had no idea how my tolerance built up that high. Granted it was over several hours, but I knew that the fact I was up at 3AM filled with terror meant I had a problem. I downloaded the BB and have been sober since then (16 months).
My thanks? Because I'm right at the inflection point of where you relapsed, and need stories like yours to help remind me why peer pressure is no match for the effects of alcohol. Thanks again!
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