please help me
 

So my once a week habit turned into a each day habit. I'm lost. I don't know how to deal with this... if i join aa ... the people in this place (my office) will finish me. I do not want to end this life in suicide. I am self destructing. Help ...

Hi Bigauagirl. I know that I definatey felt lost. How would the people know that you are going to AA?

I'm not sure how anyone would find out what you do on your own time.

Rational Recovery
AVRT
SMART
Life Ring
Women for Sobriety
SOS

All have their own websites. Read about them, stop drinking, and follow one of those methods. AA isn't for everyone and isn't the only way to stay stopped.

Getting fired for drinking on the job, calling in sick too often or coming to work while still hungover/drunk could also cost you your job.

Make a decision to stop and stay stopped! You CAN do this!

I'm not sure how they would know either?

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - deopending on where you live there's probably a bunch to choose from....a lot of them have online meetings too....

here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something BigAquaGirl.
In my experience, inaction just leads to more drinking....

D

There are many different resources to help you, like the ones listed above. You can definitely stop if you want to and are determined. Even if the job scenario was like you say it is, your life is worth infinitely more then anything. help yourself at any cost.

It's a small town...
The people i work with are bullying me into leaving. I can't .... i found the bottom of the bottle but I'm too scared to end up as suicide.

I had your same fear bigaquagirl. The stigma of being labelled an alcoholic, or of other people finding out kept me drinking for a long time. Meanwhile, the negative consequences kept piling up.

AA is anonymous for a reason. Nobody in your office will find out and even if they do, chances are they would be proud of you for seeking treatment for your disease. The reality is that they probably already suspect something is up. You can't be fired for being in recovery, but you can easily lose your job if you continue.

Please get the help you need. AA has given me tremendous strength.

If you are seriously contemplating suicide, you need to reach out for help now.

Why does you office have to know? You don't have to tell them. AA is 1 hr a night.

In most jurisdictions it is unlawful to fire someone because that person has become disabled by alcohol or addiction to another substance, provided that the person is willing to and does take steps to recover from that illness, just like any other disability. You might consult a lawyer, a priest, an alcoholic counselor and of course your doctor, all of whom are professionally required to keep what ever you tell them confidential.
What is worth more to you- your job or your life? This could well be a new beginning for you. There are all sorts of people, including those on this site, who stand ready to help you. The real danger is not your job. It is what might happen if you continue drinking. So many others have been where you are now and have recovered and are happy. Let them help you and let them share the happiness that can come to you. Every good wish

W.

People i work with want me eather leave on my two feet or in a coffin. The amount of energy they have put into destroying, discrediting, torment ing me in the last three years is scary.... i don't live here, i exist here ... i can't leave because i need to help my family. I'm alone and isolated. I don't know what to do. My energy and emotions go up and down and i don't seem to be able to control it.

Small town:
I went to see a psychologist - the details ended up in my office.
I went to see a lawyer - my coworker came up to me to joke about the details because apparently that was a discussion on one of their fishing trips.
I just met a new guy - according to him I'm an evil person because im not 100% Christian.
I can not go on ...

Aqua ~ Of course it all seems too much right now...no end to the pain. But there is. Make the decision to put the alcohol down, and the rest will follow.

No matter what is going on in your office, no matter how difficult these people are, you cannot handle this until you get sober. That's it. That's the first step.

Then you can go to AA or not; as Sugar said, there are a lot of different ways of staying stopped.

We are all here for you, supporting you. You CAN do this!

Love Venus xx

Thank you.
I just want to quit. I want to stop. I want to know why i self sabotage?
?....
Don't know how to explain this ...

Aqua ~ You don't have to explain it. We get it. Really.

Only 70 days ago I was completely suicidal...at the end. Nowhere to go. No chance, no hope. I clung to this site, and just didn't drink.

Day by day I got a little clearer, received tons of support and love, and I found hope.

You can too. I promise you.

V xx

Aqua, listen to VenusCat. There is a way ahead, and you may have to take it on faith for now if your mind isn't working logically.
Stay with SR, post lots and read lots. Go into detail if you need to.
Your situation sounds really stressful. If you can get sober and clear headed you can start working your way out of your troubles.
Find out what support you can - and make sure in advance that whoever you speak to will keep it confidential. It is a clear breach of professional ethics for a psychologist or lawyer to break confidentiality.

If this was me I would be making the psychologist and lawyer live's miserable. This is illegal for them to discuss anything outside. It's priviledged information.

Besides the obvious HIPPA violations, YOU can make things right for yourself. NO ONE else can do that for you@

Aqua, if you don't feel comfortable getting outside help (though I agree with LadyinBC about this) then you can use resources on the internet as your main help. There is a lot of information here and you can participate in AA and SMART meetings online, there's the chatroom here and recovery methods such as AVRT which don't require outside help. I understand where your feelings come from as I felt very much the same, but don't let your fear of going to AA be your downfall, there are lots of other options x

Aqua, alcohol is a depressant and the continued cycle of drinking magnifies problems and perpetuates negative self-esteem. The biggest obstacle you are facing is that you will not be able to see or identify with this until you put down the bottle and give yourself some time to recover. This is where a leap of faith is required on your part. Believe what we are telling you, life does get better with continued abstinence. Reach out for support to get you through the physical detox, be it medically supervised or cold turkey if you are physically able to endure. I suggest that you honestly address your drinking with your doctor and take the course of action recommended. There are laws that protect you from termination when you are addressing addiction and recovery.

“…i can't leave because i need to help my family. I'm alone and isolated. I don't know what to do. My energy and emotions go up and down and i don't seem to be able to control it.”

You are at a point where if you don’t help yourself NOW, you will be of little or no help to your family if this pattern continues. Furthermore, the ups and downs of energy and emotions are directly related to the effects of alcohol, as is the feeling of being alone and isolated.

You are reaching out to people who have been where you are and completely understand. However, no one has the ability to get you sober; that is an action that you have to take. You will receive support and encouragement to help you on your journey, as the greatest gift to a recovering alcoholic is to witness the liberation of another as they embark upon their journey. Come on, Aqua, take that leap of faith!

Your emotions and feelings will change once you have been sober a while. What today seems impossible will be nothing in a few months. You are in the process of becoming the real you. Go to AA and save your life.