Wilde8673

Hi, i'm on day 4, and everything seems to be a trigger today-worse than normal. wanted to drink very bad. Overall, am i feeling better, yes...sleeping better, yes. And most of the time, if i can just get home from work without stopping somewhere, then i'm okay for the night in terms of not drinking. The drive home from work is the worst. But also, my kids fight constantly, and i mean constantly. My kids both have behavioral issues peaking right now so i know i have to stay sober to deal, but the stress of it is a huge trigger. The guilt of it probably being my fault, another trigger. It'll probably get better with me sober. But that is a big trigger, then there is the depression trigger, the work trigger, i guess anything can be a trigger right? Or nothing at all....I know i need to change my frame of mind. But happy not to be drinking today and have committed to another 24 hours.

Elisabeth888

Excellent job! Keep doing what you are doing.

I don't know what else to say except that we have to learn to deal with life without getting a buzz to deal with it. We have to or we get in deep crap.

I am finding therapy to be a very excellent method of support in addition to posting here and working the steps of AA.

Anna

It sounds like you're doing well. Days 3/4 are often very tough.

And, it sounds like you are beginning to feel the feelings you've been numbing. It's really hard to have to just sit and feel, but you know that each time you get through something like that, you become stronger. The next time will be a bit easier.

doggonecarl

I drank as a way to deal (or not deal) with life. So life is a trigger. To stay sober I had to learn to deal with life sober.

Wilde8673

Thank you all for your feedback. Agreed, life is a trigger, feelings are not my strong point! I do have therapy, where i think i can learn to be more honest. I think i'll keep coming back daily for now, try to be good to myself, and get through one day at a time. Appreciate the encouragement!

EndStage

Wilde8673, First I must say congraulations on being day 4. Tomorrow will be day 22 for me. I must say, my first 7/8 days was hell. Everything triggered me even to the sounds of dogs barking, trains coming through town, kids running up and down the hall ways, etc.. My "normalcy" was drinking and being sober is a nightmare however to conquar the triggers is to do just that. You have to find something that works for you. I made the commitment to a very reliable accountibilty partner and I had to call this person everyday at 2:32pm. When my 8th day was done, I was challenged to call every 72 hours at 2:32pm and I worked my way up. I have been running and trying to stay on a healthy eating habit. Do I still have triggers? You bet ... my mind has been consumed of what I USED TO DO ... Now I know what I NEED TO DO... No one can change me except for me. No one can change my way of thinking except for me. I raise 2 children that are not my own; 4 years and 7 Years of age. My oldest sister is a drug addict and i'm raising her kids. I had to make a choice. Do I want my kids to become who I am today? The life I have lived and honestly can not tell you how I survived; only by the Grace of God! I do not want my kids to grow up and become me ... Life is all about learning. I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself as soon as I lay down and as I get up in the morning that I am not responsible for that first thought, but I am responsible for my next action. Hang in there.

Heartfan82

Wilde,
Hi, I don't know if I have any advice to give you, but I just wanted to say that you are not alone, feeling those triggers. I am now into day 20 of sobriety, and I have been being hit by all kinds of images, and automatic reactions to stimuli that used to make me head for the drink. I've had to purposely change my thoughts, to not dwell very long on the usual chain of response that I've had for about 20 to 30 yrs., on and off.

I can relate to the stress that taking care of kids can cause. I live with my mentally disabled son, and it has been quite a bumpy road for about 10 yrs. I have noticed that when I'm not drinking, my mind is quicker to avoid conflicts, and deal with his paranoia, and not be drug down and frustrated, which makes things go much smoother. We now laugh a lot and enjoy so much of life again.

I, like you, also have felt guilty for not being there enough for my sons, although they say I'm the best Mom in the world....( I know I'm not, but I'm so blessed to have them!)


Anyways, I'm looking forward to a long sober life; so little by little I have to replace those old triggers with new responses.

It amazes me how ingrained those triggers can be, from seeing wine on sale, to wondering how I can have someone over for dinner without drinking, etc. they're all over the place.

Good luck to you, and congrats on making it 4 days! Just go into the bathroom and scream into a towel or something when you're feeling stressed; then combat those old triggers with new ideas to keep busy, one step ahead, I guess.

Please keep reading and posting here, it really is a lifesaver. Wish I would've found it years ago.....these folks are so encouraging and full of tips and advice.

Peace,
~Heartfan