My first post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Memphis TN
Posts: 1
My first post
Hello everyone my name is tj, I am 33 years old and I am 6 months clean from crack cocaine, and 2 months clean from marijuana and alcohol. I am in a very difficult situation in that I am in a relationship with someone who uses marijuana and drinks beer everyday, and my family does the same. They invited me to a birthday party this weekend where I know mostly everyone will be drinking and getting high and I refused to go. I get the feeling that everyone is mad at me and I hate this so much. I have been doing so much better though since I stopped drinking and getting high. I am back in school taking online classes for medical billing and coding and I work for my sister who by the way is the one that invited me to the party . I know what I am doing is right for me ,but I hate to upset my family. Life really sucks sometimes even if you think you're trying to do what's right.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Does your family acknowledge that you had a problem in the first place? If so, I don't think they'll be mad at you if you explain that you want to avoid being around alcohol and drugs for now. If their drug/alcohol use is normal, they may not understand how hard addiction is to manage at first.
Even if they are really mad, you really can't let that sway you. They would be wrong and unjustified to be mad. I know how the pressure can feel, but think about the big picture... would you quit school because your family asked you to? Quit your job? I can picture about 5 scenarios in which I would, and all of them involve serious life-changing situations, not a birthday party. If you go back to using, that might be where you end up.
If you haven't tried talking to them about this, give it a try... it'd be good for you to get your concerns out in the open. Maybe start with your sister since she's the one who invited you.
Even if they are really mad, you really can't let that sway you. They would be wrong and unjustified to be mad. I know how the pressure can feel, but think about the big picture... would you quit school because your family asked you to? Quit your job? I can picture about 5 scenarios in which I would, and all of them involve serious life-changing situations, not a birthday party. If you go back to using, that might be where you end up.
If you haven't tried talking to them about this, give it a try... it'd be good for you to get your concerns out in the open. Maybe start with your sister since she's the one who invited you.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Welcome tjchaffen! You are doing a great thing, despite the attitude of some people. That's the reverse of how it usually goes. I agree with fantail - it's possible they don't understand what addiction is. Surely they'll want what's best for you if you explain how using/drinking has impacted your life.
Glad you joined us! This is a great place.
Glad you joined us! This is a great place.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Hello and welcome,
I have a related experience that might help. I had a bunch of friends invite me to a party last month. I had just reached my 8th month of sobriety. It was expected that I would attend (this is an annual gathering). Before the event, there were lots of e-mails going around talking about "getting sh*tfaced" and wasted. It was weighing very heavily on me, but I decided not to go. I went out to breakfast beforehand with a couple of guys and told them I did not feel comfortable.
To my surprise they not only sympathized, they said that they ALSO wish they could stay home. They did not want to drink and booze like kids again either. I told my friends I owed it to myself to stay away from alcohol-fueled events. That was all they needed to hear. Maybe you can voice the same to your family? You might be surprised at the support you receive.
I have a related experience that might help. I had a bunch of friends invite me to a party last month. I had just reached my 8th month of sobriety. It was expected that I would attend (this is an annual gathering). Before the event, there were lots of e-mails going around talking about "getting sh*tfaced" and wasted. It was weighing very heavily on me, but I decided not to go. I went out to breakfast beforehand with a couple of guys and told them I did not feel comfortable.
To my surprise they not only sympathized, they said that they ALSO wish they could stay home. They did not want to drink and booze like kids again either. I told my friends I owed it to myself to stay away from alcohol-fueled events. That was all they needed to hear. Maybe you can voice the same to your family? You might be surprised at the support you receive.
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