Vastreaction

Been drinking again, had a really bad session on Sunday night, part of Monday too. Ended up cutting myself a little bit, nothing too serious but it bled and it was clear to my roommates that something was up.

I finally let everyone in my social circle know what's going in with my life, and was totally shocked to find that I was met with support and compassion. My roommates are all familiar with substance abuse through various means, and they're all ready to help me.

One of my triggers was poker, I would always play in bars. They pitched in and bought some poker chips for the house so we can play here, sober. They've made the house an alcohol-free zone and have been accompanying me when I walk to the store for soda/food just to make sure I don't get beer.

I am amazed and near tears that my friends are this... cool. I have had a few things that felt "rock bottom" before, but when I cut myself that night, I guess I wiped the blood off with my hand, then leaned against the wall of our downstairs bathroom while urinating. When I saw a bloody handprint on the bathroom wall in the morning... holy f***. Done. Done. Done.

I apologize to everyone who helped me through my early relapses, but I'm glad to still be here, and I hope to stay sober this time. I can do this with the help of my friends and family, and with you helpful people here at SR.

-Matt

Gilmer

What wonderful roommates! May you have many enjoyable nights of poker!

LadyinBC

Matt that is so awesome! I am sooo glad you have friends this. You are so lucky! It helps when you have lots of support.

The important thing is that you still are here and you are trying.

soberclover

Good for you for being brave enough to let your friends know that you need support! I am proud of you!!

Vastreaction

Thank you for the kind words! One of my roommates is a closer friend, but the others are relatively new people in my life. I was shocked to find that they are all quite amazing, and I'm glad to have forged some new friendships.

I'm currently having a coffee, and very glad it's not a beer, or there isn't some brandy in it.

fantail

What amazing roommates! So happy for you. Good job asking for help.... and choosing such great people to surround yourself with!

2granddaughters

Matt, are you going to AA meetings?

All the best.

Bob R

Anna

Matt, I believe that certain people come into our lives at specific times, just when we need them. There are no coincidences. I am so glad you have people in your life who will support you through your recovery.

NapsteR1

I've got well over 200 odd scars from self harming, vast majority due to drinking too excess, i think some part of me was trying to give myself the equivilent of that bloody hand print to shock myself in the morning (wake up and unstick your arm from blood soaked bedsheets and hopefull think - hmm, best not be drinking again). I also think there's a few self-destructive demons inside my head that just enjoys seeing how far I can push me into harming myself - "right, we got him to nail a bottle and a half of vodka - now lets see if we can get him to break apart a safety razor or sharpen up a kitchen knife and slice himself up some!"

With the pain and adrenaline of making the cuts there does come an instant clarity of mind like being snapped sober - and patching yourself up afterwards offers some comfort in that you are sort of caring for yourself.

I've often tried to explain self harming to one or two close people but I don't really understand it myself.

Stay off the booze mate - keep logging on here and learning how others cope and put it into practice (easy right?)