sandraklp

I've posted a few times on here and have been trying to stay sober. I drank a few days ago but have been sober since. I'm not really feeling like drinking, but feeling frustrated with myself and others around me, like I can't relax and I just don't understand people or know how to deal with them at all. Something thats throwing me off some is that I'm a lesbian and AA requires women to be sponsored by other women. I think I would be more comfortable with a man, can relate to them more and there would be no mixed up, confusing feelings that I'm afraid will happen if I really open up and spend time with a woman. It surprises me how many of the women are attractive and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't know, maybe it is a weird thing to talk about but I don't really know who I'm supposed to talk to about it. Also, I'm still feeling pretty awkward about calling or texting people, worried that they don't like me or that I'm a pest or whatnot. That happened to me today, I texted someone and she was short with me, it hurt my feelings although I know she is probably just busy. Man, it made me feel like a total ass though. Help!

Dee74

Hi Sandra

I'm not in AA but have you asked anyone about sponsorship?

There is a suggestion and a precedent that Sponsors be of the same sex but no rule that I'm aware of.

The reaching out for help thing is hard - and sometimes it's just as hard for the person on the other end - we all can have bad days.

Don't give up reaching out

D

SoberJohn

Hi Sandra, congrats on your continued sobriety and coming here first instead of giving into the cravings. Cravings usually pass in few minutes. I have never been to AA but I am sure as with any organizations there is a director or someone you can talk to about your situation.

sandraklp

Yeah, I have a sponsor...kind of, I think. She has been kinda off and on in being responsive to me. Today, for some reason she was talking to me about sex and that made me feel pretty awkward. I like her and she was probably just making conversation or something but sheesh I don't wanna talk about that. I guess I need to just tell her it makes me uncomfortable cuz I really don't know her that well. I did ask about having a guy sponsor and have been told no more than once. I like AA a lot, think it's great. The woman I texted is just someone I been talking to here and there and yeah, it crossed my mind that she was just cranky or having a bad day or whatever. I don't wanna annoy anyone though so I probably won't bother her again. I guess I'm super sensitive right now and just can't stand feeling all rejected like that. Whew, it was a weird day, but I didn't drink.

Anna

I'm sorry your sponsor made you feel uncomfortable. I'm not in AA either, but I think you could discuss boundaries with your sponsor, as far as topics of discussion, ie sex. And, remember that you can always come here for support and understanding. There's always someone around.

FeenixxRising

Are there LBGT AA meetings?

sandraklp

Yeah, I guess I'll just change subject next time and if she keeps up then I'll just tell her it makes me uncomfortable. I don't wanna hurt her feelings, she's really nice and I like her. Yeah, there are GLBT meetings, but the city is like 30 minutes away. I could maybe go there once a week or so but cant afford every day.

Ptcapote

Hi Sandaklp, welcome! I am in AA and although I am not gay, there are a couple of folks in my home group who are. The male has a female sponsor for the same reasons you mentioned about being uncomfortable around other guys. The woman has a female sponsor but I believe they are both gay. In either case, it is not unusual...at least not here. Also, and this is just my opinion based on my experience, you need a sponsor who is more than off and on in your early sobriety. My sponsor was cautious about not overwhelming me but I knew she was there and as I got more comfortable, she and I started talking more reguarly. However, gay or straight I would be totally weirded out having a conversation about sex with her right now. Maybe ever. Also, as you go through the steps you are going to be touching on some pretty personal material so you might want to consider getting a sponsor you can open up to. I am only in the early stages but if you decide to go through the AA Steps, you definitely want someone guiding you whom you feel comfortable with.

I am also sensitive about texting and calling people, thinking I am bothering them, so I totally get you there. It does get easier, though. Do you have a home group? Have you tried other meetings? I find that each group has its own "flavor" and I had to try a few before I felt comfortable with the one I settled on. Anyway, thanks for posting about this and good on you for staying sober. And, as Anna said, we are here for you too. Let us know how it's going!

Ptcapote

(Sorry---missed that you have posted a bunch of times before---so hello again rather than welcome!)

quitforme79

Hey sand...I have lesbian friends in AA who have men for sponsers so it's definitely been done

sandraklp

She has been better the past few days, I can relate to her more than anyone and maybe she is just comfortable with me and talks about whatever pops in her head. What she said was actually kind of funny but I'm really sort of a prude. At least until I know people well. I don't know, I will just talk with her more and figure it out, get to know her more and go from there. Change sponsors if I need to. About the texting/calling, I am really quite needy and probably annoying at times, but I can't really help it. It's easier for me to text than call. I won't bother her again, I felt like a total moron. It's really bothering me.

sandraklp

There's only two groups where I live and I go to the one that I like better. Well, hell I was told no on a guy sponsor more than once. But, if stuff like this continues to be an issue, then I'll push a little harder for a guy. A gay guy would be perfect! But, thanks for all the input. I hope tomorrow isn't so freakin weird.