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I just want to stop

Old 04-10-2013, 04:31 PM
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I just want to stop

Is there a place on here where I can post and reply to my own thread daily to sort of just ramble each day so I can have a record of how I'm feeling concerning drinking?

I'm 26 and have been drinking for the past 4 years. Before drinking I had no debt and good credit, now I'm heavily in debt with no savings and spending all of my income + some every month which the biggest expenses happening when I'm drinking. After I have a drink or two I just sort of keep drinking even though I'll start with the intention of stopping after 1-3. I drive drunk from bar to strip club to strip club drinking until I wake up throwing up in my bed. I do this about 2-3 times a month and in between every time I decide to not do it again. Most times I'll have overdrafted my account and spent money that was supposed to go towards bills/cc payments. I get paid monthly so once I overdraft I basically scrounge until I'm paid again, and then I catch up on bills. I'm fine for a week or so then repeat the process.

I wrote out a pros/cons for stopping drinking and continuing to drink and it seems I just drink to feel good, numb away any stress I have, and it gives me the courage to get shot down aswell as the courage to solicit escorts afterwards. I dont have any friends and the bartenders/staff are the only people I interact with outside of my work. Family members only contact me when they want/need money, and if I ever contact them to talk they'll just ask for money.

All I want in life is to just get married and have kids. Sometimes I think if I had people depending on me I wouldn't have become so reckless.

Because I spend a lot at the bars I go to they are constantly inviting me to like free wine tastings, and give me free drinks here and there throughout my time there probably knowing the drunker I get the more and more freely I spend/tip.

I feel kind of like I'm unable to connect with people and alcohol gives me the illusion of fitting in and connecting.
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Old 04-10-2013, 04:33 PM
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Originally Posted by justanop View Post
Is there a place on here where I can post and reply to my own thread daily to sort of just ramble each day so I can have a record of how I'm feeling concerning drinking?

.
It is an illusion! You can keep commenting on this thread you started. Also join the 24 hour club and sign up to commit to staying clean and sober for 24 hours!

Do you want to quit! U in enough pain yet?
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Old 04-10-2013, 04:35 PM
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Welcome justanop

you can post to this thread daily or as often as you want, no problem.

Sounds to me like you're tired of your life a little?

D
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Old 04-10-2013, 04:40 PM
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Welcome This is the best place to be!
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Old 04-10-2013, 04:52 PM
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plug in the jug

Originally Posted by justanop View Post

All I want in life is to just get married and have kids. Sometimes I think if I had people depending on me I wouldn't have become so reckless.

I feel kind of like I'm unable to connect with people and alcohol gives me the illusion of fitting in and connecting.
if we are truly a drunk
once we become sober
with some time
we find out who we really are
for most it is the greatest of places to be
then with more time after some good working on our sober selves
many find the partner they have been praying for
it all takes time
and
it starts with putting the plug in the jug -- staying sober today

onehigherpower
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Old 04-10-2013, 04:56 PM
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what a nice place to be

Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post

Sounds to me like you're tired of your life a little?
now as I look back
what a nice place to be
it was not until I was sick and tired of myself
yes I was done with me and the things in which I did
that I truly asked God for help
does not seem to happen until
we seek God with (all of our heart)

half measures had availed me nothing

onehigherpower
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Old 04-10-2013, 04:59 PM
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I can't think of a single thing that's good about alcohol. But I can think of lots of bad things. I also drank to mask depression and anxiety and most of my feelings. Once I was sober for a while I found that my meds for the depression and anxiety worked a lot better.

I hope we can help you find the inspiration you need to stop drinking. It takes some effort but it's worth it.
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Old 04-10-2013, 05:05 PM
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I hope you decide to stop drinking.

There is lots of support here, and I do hope you continue to post.
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Old 04-10-2013, 05:48 PM
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Thanks everyone, I really didn't think I would get this many responses.


Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Welcome justanop

you can post to this thread daily or as often as you want, no problem.

Sounds to me like you're tired of your life a little?

D
I go through bouts of being highly motivated with work, to being depressed and stressed out the next week, then back and forth again. Life just seems like a roller coaster. A lot of times I know when I'm drunk I constantly tell people I feel tired which everyone assumes I mean sleepy when I'm actually just tired of everything and its monotony. I feel like I'm stuck and as soon as I make a little progress something happens to set me back. Of course then I'll think about people who are worse off and feel bad that I feel bad. I can logically see that other peoples hardships dont invalidate our own, but I dont know, emotionally it still just feels bad.

I'm exercising daily and trying to take better care of my appearance. I crave companionship and if I get rejected when I put myself out there I just then want to drink to calm myself down. That even feels like a loop thats easy to get stuck in. I think I also tend to push people away. Before drinking I would push people away maybe out of fear of intimacy, now I push people away probably out of fear that I could never tell them about my drinking or things I've done that are sort of taboo subjects.

@least, yeah, it helps to cover up my anxiety. I feel I'm even more nervous then before. Sometimes I shake on my way to a bar or during my first drink.

Also @deeker, I cant respond to your PM since I dont have enough posts yet, but I've read all the replies now.

I took yesterday off from work because I woke up feeling buzzed with throwup in my bed. Ima spend the rest of the night catching up on work and trying not to think too much on it.

Thanks again for the messages.
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