borg4life

Toughest stretch of my life - by far. I have become a complete co-dependent and I suddenly struggle with anxiety on a daily basis. Needless to say - I love her and want things to work out if they are meant to be.

My question - I just don't know how severe her drinking problem is. Some days I think it is very serious and other days I think it is not a big deal. Here are the facts that I do know -

- In recent years her speech is very slurred about 1x a week
(she tells me this happens when her blood sugar gets low or she has her period or did not eat)
- I saw her through a double reflection drinking straight Rum out of the bottle while we were on vacation
(she tells me she only did it because I make her nervous about drinking - (this is partly true as I don't drink and don't like it when she gets drunk as she turns not very nice).
- she has a drink every night. usually beer or mixed drink. don't know what else as we don't live together.
- she sometimes has problems getting out of bed. she is usually an hour or two late to work - which they are pretty flexible and don't really care.
(she tells me that she has so much to do in the evenings that she is tired and sometimes struggles with allergies)
- I once brought over a bottle of hard alcohol - the bottle was gone shortly thereafter
(she said that the bottle is skinny and finishing it in a week is no big deal)
- she has admitted to always pouring drinks into an orange cup at my house as to not make me upset that she is drinking (we don't live together)
- she is generally high functioning and many days seems totally normal
- there have been about 5 times over the last couple years where she was so badly drunk that she had a hard time walking.
- one time she basically passed out in a friends bed after drinking wine and beer - I had to pretty much carry her home
- I have seen her drink a lot - and not slur. other times she slurs when I am not with her.
- she gets very upset when I ask about her drinking or infer that there might a problem.
- she gets very mean, repeats herself a lot and has a totally different look on her face when she slurs and seems drunk.
- she has an eating disorder and is very thin.
- she has kids and drinks around them. they have called her on it a couple times, but generally don't seem to notice or care (or just live with it).
- on new years she poured a triple shot of vodka/peach drink that she was sipping out of a glass - she did not finish it when I commented on it. she poured it with her back to me as to not alert me - yet was not totally trying to hide it either.
- at the store she went to buy a bottle of rum - then put it back since we were shopping together
- she loves her beer and has some every day
- her work has a fridge and when she showed me her work she popped open a beer while I was not looking. when I asked about it, she said she did not open it but only took it out of the fridge.

Please keep in mind - all this is over many years and not all in the last week. Am I going crazy? - does she just like to drink or is there something more serious. I feel like I simply don't know the whole story and it is making me very upset. I want to help her - I don't want to be harsh - I want to spend my life with her - I want to understand. I have been a controlling ogre in the past - which is why she insists she needs to hide a harmless habit. any thoughts - Help please...

MeSoSober

I would say that at the very least, she is on a dangerous path. And you don't want to know what's at the end of it.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

Her drinking is a problem for you. 'Nuff said.

Soberween

Well, only she truly say if she is an alcoholic, but these are all massive red flags. I consider myself an alcoholic and I did a lot less than those things listed.

borg4life

Yes it is - and yet I sit here as a co-dependent and clinging to her for dear life. that is my biggest problem - my heart and my head don't seem to be on the same page.