Low Point
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 59
Low Point
I’ve been doing ok but today I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall. There’s been a ton of stress around me lately and I’ve coped with it, better than if I’d been drinking, but today I had a double whammy financially and I have no idea where the money is going to come from over the next 3 months to pay all the things I’m committed to.
It’s my own fault, I’ve been so full of enthusiasm I joined my workplace pension (about time, I’m 36) and will start contributing next month. I thought I could defer my student loan another year but because I’ve been doing overtime, which stops next month, it’s artificially inflated my income so I don’t qualify.
If things hadn’t been so stressful before today I’d probably be able to shrug and ebay everything that’s not nailed down to tide me over the next few months (after that things get easier) but I just can’t shake off a horrible helpless feeling.
There’s a voice inside my head saying wine would really help right now but another one arguing that if I’d been more clued up earlier I probably wouldn’t be in such a bad state now.
I feel like I’ve lost my sense of perspective. Help?
It’s my own fault, I’ve been so full of enthusiasm I joined my workplace pension (about time, I’m 36) and will start contributing next month. I thought I could defer my student loan another year but because I’ve been doing overtime, which stops next month, it’s artificially inflated my income so I don’t qualify.
If things hadn’t been so stressful before today I’d probably be able to shrug and ebay everything that’s not nailed down to tide me over the next few months (after that things get easier) but I just can’t shake off a horrible helpless feeling.
There’s a voice inside my head saying wine would really help right now but another one arguing that if I’d been more clued up earlier I probably wouldn’t be in such a bad state now.
I feel like I’ve lost my sense of perspective. Help?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Don't listen to that voice telling you wine would help....you know it lies! How could it possibly help?
Remember the anxiety that being drunk brings with it?...not a good place to be when there are things that need sorting out. They're not going to go away because you're drunk. They will still be there when you sober up, plus you will have a hangover.
Sit down rationally and work out a financial plan. Then stick with it.
Stressful situations will happen. Well done for posting and not drinking.
You will get through this, and next time something happens to unnerve you, you will have had practice in overcoming it sober.
You can do this!x
Remember the anxiety that being drunk brings with it?...not a good place to be when there are things that need sorting out. They're not going to go away because you're drunk. They will still be there when you sober up, plus you will have a hangover.
Sit down rationally and work out a financial plan. Then stick with it.
Stressful situations will happen. Well done for posting and not drinking.
You will get through this, and next time something happens to unnerve you, you will have had practice in overcoming it sober.
You can do this!x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 64
Will drinking make your stresses disappear? Nope, they will still be there, along with your hangover in the morning. 
Just keep telling yourself that you will NOT drink. You will feel much better by not giving in to the urge and temptation. I had a similar experience financially recently, and I kept telling myself that all the money I would have spent on alcohol will go towards my medical bill to get it paid off that much quicker. Good luck to you, and I hope everything works out!
Just keep telling yourself that you will NOT drink. You will feel much better by not giving in to the urge and temptation. I had a similar experience financially recently, and I kept telling myself that all the money I would have spent on alcohol will go towards my medical bill to get it paid off that much quicker. Good luck to you, and I hope everything works out!
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,282
I think a visit to a financial consultant can be a good investment. Divesting yourself of your debts (and not incurring any more) is a good thing anyway these days. Obviously getting drunk is not a good idea. I suspect targeted spending of surplus is what's needed and an acceptance of some grief. It will be worth it though. In many ways.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 339
Remember Womble that when you quit drinking you broke up with your best friend, counselor, lover, confidant so dealing with your emotions will be tough. I always used alcohol to make those feelings go away. Now I have to feel them and deal with them. You are growing and sometimes growth can be painful but you are doing great. Take some time to yourself and realize it is going to be ok. Deal with things one at a time as they come up so they do not pile up on you. Welcome to humanity, it can be a bitch at times but well worth the ride. Hang in there.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Tell that voice to bug off! It's your addictive one giving you an excuse. You know that drinking isn't going to solve anything. You will only feel worse and you don't want that.
You can do this Womble!
You can do this Womble!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Southern Spain
Posts: 355
Pity we can't sell our alcoholic minds on ebay eh! But then again who would want to buy them!
One thing this is hammering home to you is that you have turned to alcohol in the past when life has become uncomfortable. Like I most certainly did. That reaction, over many years, especially if we have done it all of our adult lives, will have had a number of effects. Perhaps principally, that we have not developed coping mechanisms like non alcoholics have. That's not to say all non alcoholics are brilliant at coping with life's problems. However, we often feel like drowning men and women when the alcohol supply is turned off. Panic sets in, irrational worries, huge fears, self doubts, confusion, bewilderment etc etc etc. We often feel that life actually gets worse for a while. In a way it does, as we no longer have the fuzzy fur ball of alcohol to stuff between our ears. Everything is crystal sharp and in high-def!
The great thing is that we find strengths that we never knew we were capable of possessing. We learn how to cope, and usually keeping it simple is the key.
Talking to people in the know, writing letters or emails to various organizations and critically, being honest, seems to work. We find that people are often very willing to help us if we approach them with sobriety, integrity and honesty. So I would speak directly to the people who are involved in your situation. Even approach the benefits agency, and explain what is happening as you may qualify for financial help. Chip away at it rather than going at it like a bull in a china shop. Try not to get flustered and disheartened, and you will get through this difficult time.
One thing this is hammering home to you is that you have turned to alcohol in the past when life has become uncomfortable. Like I most certainly did. That reaction, over many years, especially if we have done it all of our adult lives, will have had a number of effects. Perhaps principally, that we have not developed coping mechanisms like non alcoholics have. That's not to say all non alcoholics are brilliant at coping with life's problems. However, we often feel like drowning men and women when the alcohol supply is turned off. Panic sets in, irrational worries, huge fears, self doubts, confusion, bewilderment etc etc etc. We often feel that life actually gets worse for a while. In a way it does, as we no longer have the fuzzy fur ball of alcohol to stuff between our ears. Everything is crystal sharp and in high-def!
The great thing is that we find strengths that we never knew we were capable of possessing. We learn how to cope, and usually keeping it simple is the key.
Talking to people in the know, writing letters or emails to various organizations and critically, being honest, seems to work. We find that people are often very willing to help us if we approach them with sobriety, integrity and honesty. So I would speak directly to the people who are involved in your situation. Even approach the benefits agency, and explain what is happening as you may qualify for financial help. Chip away at it rather than going at it like a bull in a china shop. Try not to get flustered and disheartened, and you will get through this difficult time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 59
'we no longer have the fuzzy fur ball of alcohol to stuff between our ears' - that's a great way of putting it!
Instant gratification and a drink to turn off the negative thoughts felt so good (at the time) though!
It's nice not to feel alone. x
Instant gratification and a drink to turn off the negative thoughts felt so good (at the time) though!
It's nice not to feel alone. x
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
Try not to race months ahead and think of a million what ifs...getting some financial advice is a great first step. There's a lot of free services available in the UK.
This is not actually a low point, by the way - you're starting to sort out your life - this is a good thing..and it will be OK
D
This is not actually a low point, by the way - you're starting to sort out your life - this is a good thing..and it will be OK
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
I just posted something similar about financial stress. Although I am not craving a drink I know it could happen at any moment. The good thing is that your situation is temporary and I always feel better knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel Hang in there, drinking will only make it worse in the long run but lord I know what you mean about wanting to escape. I wish I had stuff to sell lol
Hang in there, drinking will only make it worse in the long run but lord I know what you mean about wanting to escape. I wish I had stuff to sell lol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 59
Hmm... I had a glass of wine that evening and it didn't make things better but I thought how great that I could stop at one and didn't feel like a second. Then the next day the glass of wine turned into a bottle of white and a glass of red which led to me feeling HORRIBLE on Friday! I was late for work, unmotivated, sluggish and looked like I hadn't slept for a week. The people at work know the family stress I've had (haven't been sleeping well because of it anyway) and were very kind but I felt like an utter gremlin.
Finances are still grim but I'm going to go for slow and steady and aim for not borrowing Peter to pay Paul, like I usually do. It will take months to get away from a terrible situation to just a really bad one but that's still an improvement, right?
As for drinking, I never want to feel as bad as I did on Friday ever again. I think I'd started taking how good I was feeling for granted, I'll try not to do that again. Anyways, no urge to drink all weekend despite wine in front of me and a fully stocked drinks cabinet. Not even a teeny bit tempted. I don't believe that any glass of wine is going to make me feel better than I do sober any more.
Thanks for asking, really appreciated. x
Finances are still grim but I'm going to go for slow and steady and aim for not borrowing Peter to pay Paul, like I usually do. It will take months to get away from a terrible situation to just a really bad one but that's still an improvement, right?
As for drinking, I never want to feel as bad as I did on Friday ever again. I think I'd started taking how good I was feeling for granted, I'll try not to do that again. Anyways, no urge to drink all weekend despite wine in front of me and a fully stocked drinks cabinet. Not even a teeny bit tempted. I don't believe that any glass of wine is going to make me feel better than I do sober any more.
Thanks for asking, really appreciated. x
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