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Old 04-10-2013, 06:34 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Trust is a long time coming


I know I have earned some trust from my husband back, but boy is it going to take time to really be trusted.

Yesterday he went into to the office and I was out getting my hair done and did not answer the phone and I think he got a flood of old memories of me home drunk either unable or not answering the phone by choice. He called my phone like three times and when I called him back he was snippy about why I didn't answer.

Six months people and I still get this. I have a LONG way to go. I guess maybe he had a vision of me drinking all of that liquor he has decided to start collecting. Thank God it is in the man cave. As long as I don't go look at it, I am fine.
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Old 04-10-2013, 06:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elisabeth888 View Post
I guess maybe he had a vision of me drinking all of that liquor he has decided to start collecting. Thank God it is in the man cave. As long as I don't go look at it, I am fine.
I only started posting today so don't feel qualified to reply but will as this trust thing is something I need to prove too I think.
But the bit about the liquor - why on earth has he started collecting that?? If it was me I would almost think he was testing me. I am not sure I could deal with a big stash so close in my weaker moments.
Just a thought, big hugs xx
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Old 04-10-2013, 06:51 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Elisabeth, I just posted in the 'Gratitude List' about being grateful to have FINALLY regained my daughter's trust back. It took longer than 6 months, but we are at a really good place right now. It was worth staying the course. I truly believe your husband will trust you again. Just keep showing him that he can, as long as it takes (even if he jumps to the wrong conclusion occasionally)....I know my own family did .
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Old 04-10-2013, 06:51 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I only started posting today so don't feel qualified to reply but will as this trust thing is something I need to prove too I think.
But the bit about the liquor - why on earth has he started collecting that?? If it was me I would almost think he was testing me. I am not sure I could deal with a big stash so close in my weaker moments.
Just a thought, big hugs xx
Because he is clueless about alcoholism. Part of me wants him to be able to have liquor in the house and the other is pissed off about it. As long as I stay away from it, I am okay though. I know where it takes me. HELL.
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Old 04-10-2013, 07:00 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Yes, to regain trust that we destroyed does take a long time.

I believe it was almost 3 years before my family actually started showing they were starting to trust me again.

Now, many years later, because I have had some instances of infections occurring that I did not know I had, I am a diabetic with a very low immune system and can get infections and not know it, and I dehydrate and my daughter has either found me passed out (low to no potassium causing an epileptic seizure) or totally hallucinating. So even though she is only 6 blocks away I call her daily. If she does not hear from me she calls me.

Several weeks ago I too went to get my haircut, a long overdue haircut, and she apparently called me several times, before I saw it on my phone. My phone had been in my purse. So when I called her back, we laughed but, it was brought home to me again, how important it is, not only for my own health but the emotional and mental health of my daughter to keep in touch.

Whether this was a de ja vue moment for my daughter or not, I did not ask. She was still a pre teen when I found sobriety, but I suspect, that faint thought might have crossed her mind, along with the more recent episodes of my hospitalizations, thanks to her finding me.

I wasn't practicing my 'own' motto:

"Just for today, I will be thoughtful, kind and considerate to all who cross my path and treat all others as I wish to be treated."

As time goes on and you continue to grow and change in sobriety, I believe you will regain, your husband's trust. I found that it is a SLOW process, but was reminded many times by my sponsor that I didn't destroy that trust overnight, and I sure in hell wasn't going to get it back overnight.

Hang in there, you are growing by leaps and bounds!!!!

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-10-2013, 07:05 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I sympathize Elisabeth because it does take a long time to regain trust. The main thing is to believe in yourself and the changes you are making in your life. Learning to be patient was really hard, but it's all you can do besides staying on track.

I'm sorry your husband wants to keep alcohol in the house, but keeping it out of your sight should help.
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