elleb

Hi all,

I felt it was time to introduce myself after lurking and reading so many helpful posts over the last few months.

I am 34 yr old SAHM (2 kids at infant school) with part-time work from home. Live in SE England.

I am on day 17 of kicking alcohol and am fairly sure I will never go back.
This after giving up for a fortnight, finding it easier than I thought, so 'celebrating' with a little drink that immediately led to 2 weeks of getting wrecked every night - clever!

Complacency is my downfall undoubtedly. That idiotic little voice saying 'well you did 2 weeks, you are obviously ok to have just one drink.' But it never was nor ever will be one drink, that just doesn't do it for me.

So it is all or nothing and I choose total abstinence. I hope to stay the distance.

Thank you all for posting such inspirational stories and advice. You have helped me get to this point and I hope it continues.

xx

Dee74

welcome to SR elleb

D

Gilmer

Hi, Elle! Good to see you! Sounds like you learned your lesson when you had that "one drink." We all had to learn that lesson the hard way!

BruceJ

It really is amazing how slyly and quickly our brains allow us to forget what happens when we drink.
"I have met the enemy, it lives here" (pointing to head)
Taking sobriety for granted seems to be the downfall of most of us....it certainly was for me.
All the best.

elleb

Thank you all, appreciate the replies.

I have really looked into the AVRT thing and found this works for my psychology - as if that voice is the enemy and when your brain tells you that you need a drink because of stress, boredom, anger, happiness, sadness, anxiety etc etc etc, then that is the time to step back and realise that voice is trying to give you an excuse. I quite like the analogy of telling it where to go!

Today is I think the toughest day yet because I am disappointed and confused by my husband. He very rarely drinks and hated me doing it.
From being very supportive for the first week, he then seemed to almost forget about it as if 'ok that's done with then', to the last couple of days when he seems to be criticising me with little comments, nothing significant but so many little niggles they all add up.
I feel as if he has replaced criticising me about drinking to finding trivial things to make digs. I was beginning to feel so much more confident and this is quickly eroding all of that.
I spoke to him about it this morning and said how I feel, and how it makes me assume he doesn't like me sober either, and he brushed it off saying he didn't think he'd done this and if he did then sorry.

I think the main problem is he just doesn't understand all this properly. I guess you have to live it yourself.

Please don't get me wrong - I do understand I have upset him with my previous behaviour but in all honesty there is no-one who can beat me up about that better than I do. And as I can't change the past I just want him to embrace this fresh start along with me. The thing is, he seemed on board at first so I don't really understand his attitude.

Sorry very long post, found intro hard to write as to how much detail to include - there is more but that is for another time!!

Elle xx

Gilmer

Be kind and considerate to him, even if he seems comparatively brusque. Ultimately your self-worth should come from you and your HP--important though your husband is, he cannot give you worth. Have you considered going to AA or other support groups? I'd encourage you to get involved with people who can identify with you and who do know how to offer a timely word of support. This site is great for that, too.

trachemys

Slap him. I mean, slap him hard.

Look, buster. If I keep drinking, you're gonna wake up dead. You better support me NOW.

Elisabeth888

elleb

Ha ha thanks! Made me chuckle 😃

Michael66

I imagine many of us have had similar experiences of complacency - I know I have! Previously I gave up for more than a year and then decided that I ought to be able to go back to moderate drinking. Of course it soon escalated, and then it took several years to get back on the wagon again. I guess the only good thing is that now I know I really can't ever go back to moderate drinking so this time around I knew I was giving up for life. Funny thing is that now I wouldn't want it any other way (other than lifelong sobriety). Sobriety really is cool.

But you saw sense after 2 weeks - which sounds a whole lot more sensible than I was

FeelingGreat

Congratulations and welcome to SR. I'm going to take a little guess about what's going on in your husband's head. I think that a lot of stuff has been suppressed because the biggest issue was your drinking. Now that's been gone for a couple of weeks, he feels safer about expressing the other stuff.
You could either raise it as a constructive open discussion, or give him time to get through it. Don't know if any of this rings true to you; just my thoughts.

elleb

Hiya!
As so many were kind enough to reply, I thought an update would be appropriate.

After reading here I spilled to husband (and had a lovely huge panic attack at the end, ugh :-( ) but he really listened and took it on board.

Consequently he came home from work with the most humongous bar of Galaxy choc and full of apologies for lack of support, lots of praise for kicking the evil liquid, and lots of hugs!
He said he was taking work niggles out on me (he owns his company), and it was not a personal attack.

Phew! I am truly lucky to have him, and relieved that it is all resolved.

I think my tiredness from insomnia and hormones have been distorting things out of proportion, but a huge thanks to you lot. It helped so much to share and get replies :-)

Gilmer

That's such a relief! Hope you'll still hang around here and be your encouraging self!

elleb

Thanks :-) Am really enjoying SR, really great for all sorts of aspects, I think you all might be stuck with me ;-)