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Wife of a recovering alcoholic

Old 04-10-2013, 01:21 AM
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Wife of a recovering alcoholic

Hello all !

I am so glad that I found this site. I am the wife of a (very recently) recovering alcoholic. My husband went to rehab 3 Mar after about 3 years of being an alcoholic. He has only been home since the 31st of March.

I am thrilled that my husband has gotten help and seems very enthusiastic about AA and his recovery. I have to admit that I am struggling a bit as he seems like such a different person (in good ways). I had become accustomed to his drunken abuse, so I am a little uncertain why his newfound sobriety is making me uncomfortable.

I think part of it is due to my atheist husband spouting higher power statements, which make me feel as though he has been brainwashed. Part is because I feel like so much of the burden of his continued sobriety seems to be placed on me, albeit less than when he was still drinking. Partly, I am jealous of his newfound "family" of support. I have always been there for him, yet I feel left out and insignificant now that he has his AA family that I do not "belong" in.

I joined this forum in hopes of learning how to best be there for my husband and to understand my role. We are in marriage counselling once a week, he sees an addiction psychiatrist every other week and is attending AA meetings every day at this point. I have yet to go to an AlAnon meeting and another reason I joined is to check out their forum. I am a little leary about what I have read so far on other sites, but I admit that I need some sort of support through this. My husband's psychiatrist gave me the name of a counsellor who works with spouses of addicted people, so I plan to start working with her in the near future.

This is more than I intended to say in my first post, so I will leave it at this for now.

I am happy to be here and looking forward to getting to know you all better,

Ali Kat
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Old 04-10-2013, 01:32 AM
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This might help. http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt8.pdf

Linked with permission of AA world service.
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Old 04-10-2013, 01:42 AM
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Hi Ali,

You can also check out the family here:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You will find lots of support. Your feelings are not unusual and you don't have to go thru this alone. I second going to Al-anon. It is great support for you as well.
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Old 04-10-2013, 03:17 AM
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Cool

"...I am a little uncertain why his newfound sobriety is making me uncomfortable.

"...I think part of it is due to my atheist husband spouting higher power statements, which make me feel as though he has been brainwashed...

"...Part is because I feel like so much of the burden of his continued sobriety seems to be placed on me....

"...Partly, I am jealous of his newfound "family" of support. I have always been there for him, yet I feel left out and insignificant now that he has his AA family that I do not 'belong' in..."

Most of my recovered friends are atheists (in AA). One way of looking at HP is to realize that we're not the most powerful in the universe.....ergo, there's probly something that's a higher power.

There is NO burden on you for his continued sobriety; that's all up to him. The only thing you're responsible for is your own recovery (yes, you'll face some recovery too; alcoholism/addiction truly is a family disease).

Be grateful for his newfound 'family' of support. 'n you can have this too, with alanon, or something similar. Unfortunately, you can't be there for him as you have in the past; you're not an alcoholic. BUT, you are NOT insignificant!!!! Find yourself a new 'family' to belong to.....and you can both travel the recovery road together...............

(o;
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Old 04-10-2013, 03:51 AM
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Thank you all for your words of support. I think that I have found the right place for me to be at this point. I am a voracious reader and have read most of the Big Book and 12 Steps and Traditions in the past few weeks. While they help me to better understand what my husband is going through, I have not found them very supportive to me as the spouse. I am now following the Al Anon forum and hope that will help me more.

AliKat
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Old 04-10-2013, 05:26 AM
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I agree, read To the Wives.
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Old 04-10-2013, 05:33 AM
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I think you should keep the focus on yourself and AlAnon will help with that.

I hope your husband continues to recover.
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Old 04-10-2013, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Elisabeth888 View Post
I agree, read To the Wives.
Just a reminder; the chapter, To the Wives, was written by Bill W, NOT his wife, nor any other wives.

(o:
NoelleR

P.S. go to alanon's site and check their literature..........:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/al-anon-literature
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Old 04-11-2013, 12:42 AM
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Thanks again for the replies and support. I have read "To the Wives" several times and did not really find it to be very helpful. I will keep trying...

AliKat
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Old 04-11-2013, 02:23 AM
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Originally Posted by AliKatD View Post
Thanks again for the replies and support. I have read "To the Wives" several times and did not really find it to be very helpful. I will keep trying...

AliKat
Well, of course, you didn't find it very helpful. Like I said, it was written by Bill W, not his wife, nor anybody's wife. It's a total crock; I mean, let's be serious; a husband writing from his wife's perspective......? I think not.....LOLOL

(o:
NoelleR
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