First Week - Coping with losing my loved one
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 3
First Week - Coping with losing my loved one
Title says it all ... Please help me heal and see beyond this and let go of this love b/c he moved on and left me b/c I am an alcoholic. I picked alcohol over him ... what a horrible disease and its hurting me a-lot. .... I'm in deep pain and I need someone to listen and showed me that there is a tomorrow for success and happiness. Help me NOT drown please.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Hello Eliliana, i'm sorry for the pain that you are going through at the moment. I've lost a lot of relationships because of my using/drinking. It hurts a lot, and I'm not sure how long it takes before the pain goes away. The good news is that the pain does dissipate over time. I KNOW that there will be a tomorrow. The pain will more than likely be there still, but I can guarantee that the pain will be much much worse if you drink.
Do you know the chat option on this website? You can talk to people about anything. I think it would be good to talk to people in real time. Just get your thoughts out.
Do you know the chat option on this website? You can talk to people about anything. I think it would be good to talk to people in real time. Just get your thoughts out.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR eliliana. There is lots of support here, and there will definitely be a tomorrow. A lot of us have lost a lot of things to alcohol and drugs, and you can quit and start a new life if that is what you truly want. Let us know how we can help.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Oh Eliliana, I am so sorry you're hurting right now and I do know how you feel. I also lost a relationship about a year ago because I chose drinking.
But here's the thing: that was one of the things that got me to stop drinking and now that I have, my life is very different in a good way. I don't know the particulars of your relationship but I do know that when you stop drinking and stop seeing relationships through the lens of alcohol, things become a lot more clear and all those crazy emotions you're probably dealing with right now (anguish, despair, guilt, heartache) are MUCH easier to manage. Getting sober is a long journey but please know it is a worthwhile one. Although I wish things hadn't gone down the way they did in my relationship, it finally forced me to take a hard look at my drinking and what it had become in my relationships and start down the path to sobriety. It is the best decision I have made in a very, very long time...likely, ever. Wait until you feel what genuine, sober, happiness and success is like...trust me, it is a pretty incredible high.
Do you have a plan in place to stop drinking? This will help immensely. There are tons of resources out there. Here is also a great place to start (it's where I did).
So glad you joined us and there are some very wise people here (much more so than myself) so stick around and keep posting.
Big hugs to you tonight---hang in there. It WILL get better.
But here's the thing: that was one of the things that got me to stop drinking and now that I have, my life is very different in a good way. I don't know the particulars of your relationship but I do know that when you stop drinking and stop seeing relationships through the lens of alcohol, things become a lot more clear and all those crazy emotions you're probably dealing with right now (anguish, despair, guilt, heartache) are MUCH easier to manage. Getting sober is a long journey but please know it is a worthwhile one. Although I wish things hadn't gone down the way they did in my relationship, it finally forced me to take a hard look at my drinking and what it had become in my relationships and start down the path to sobriety. It is the best decision I have made in a very, very long time...likely, ever. Wait until you feel what genuine, sober, happiness and success is like...trust me, it is a pretty incredible high.
Do you have a plan in place to stop drinking? This will help immensely. There are tons of resources out there. Here is also a great place to start (it's where I did).
So glad you joined us and there are some very wise people here (much more so than myself) so stick around and keep posting.
Big hugs to you tonight---hang in there. It WILL get better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 3
Such a warm feeling having a quik reply - thnk you. I stopped drinking last week Tuesday, and thank the Lord I havent had the urge to pick up a bottle but rather having a horrible time coping with accepting the fact I lost an amazing soulmate. I feel so drowned and hurt - I need friends, I need ears, I need compassion
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 3
Thank You ptcapote. I have been going to AA meetings and started therapy today, but it is so hard to start a new life alone and not revolving people I love - I want love and companionship so bad. I have grasped to God's hands, but I want to feel loved and forgiven. I havent let go and idk if I ever will. I love this man and I did so much damage that all he wants to do is forget and stop loving me - he never did me wrong, it was me all along and I hate me for deciding such wrong path.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
I know how you feel, truly. I am glad you are going to the AA meetings and have a therapist. I know this is the most craptastic sounding advice to give when your heart is breaking but: Give it time. Really.
As far as feeling loved and forgiven, with AA and therapy, the good news is that you are gong to start working on that right now, for yourself. No, it is not easy and it hurts like a mother but from what I am learning through the same two paths (AA and therapy), it is an absolute necessity to both get us on the path to sobriety and to keep us there.
As much as it hurts and as selfish as it may seem, let him go and focus only on you right now. There is no saying at all that things might not be salvageable down the road but for it to work, you have to be clear-headed and sober. And you have to get to know the sober you, too.
And you are most certainly NOT alone. Maybe you don't have the relationship with your guy right now or some others, but you are not alone. Stick with AA and your therapy and stay sober. You are very, very brave for staying sober this past week despite the pain. That says a lot about you. You can do it, eliliana.
And just remember sometimes we have to go through the painful stuff to get to the good stuff---but the good stuff IS there. Keep going, keep posting, and you are not alone as long as you're here with us. We are here to help and we care.
(((Another big hug)))
As far as feeling loved and forgiven, with AA and therapy, the good news is that you are gong to start working on that right now, for yourself. No, it is not easy and it hurts like a mother but from what I am learning through the same two paths (AA and therapy), it is an absolute necessity to both get us on the path to sobriety and to keep us there.
As much as it hurts and as selfish as it may seem, let him go and focus only on you right now. There is no saying at all that things might not be salvageable down the road but for it to work, you have to be clear-headed and sober. And you have to get to know the sober you, too.
And you are most certainly NOT alone. Maybe you don't have the relationship with your guy right now or some others, but you are not alone. Stick with AA and your therapy and stay sober. You are very, very brave for staying sober this past week despite the pain. That says a lot about you. You can do it, eliliana.
And just remember sometimes we have to go through the painful stuff to get to the good stuff---but the good stuff IS there. Keep going, keep posting, and you are not alone as long as you're here with us. We are here to help and we care.
(((Another big hug)))
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by eliliana 
Thank You ptcapote. I have been going to AA meetings and started therapy today, but it is so hard to start a new life alone and not revolving people I love - I want love and companionship so bad. I have grasped to God's hands, but I want to feel loved and forgiven. I havent let go and idk if I ever will. I love this man and I did so much damage that all he wants to do is forget and stop loving me - he never did me wrong, it was me all along and I hate me for deciding such wrong path.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome eliliana 
I think most of us can identify with losing things we treasured due to our drinking.
I received some very good advice here in my early days so I'll pass it on to you
We can't change the past, but today is a fresh page and an open book.
Focus on yourself, get yourself well and strong, and you'll find that things will be a lot better.
I think most of us can identify with losing things we treasured due to our drinking.
I received some very good advice here in my early days so I'll pass it on to you
We can't change the past, but today is a fresh page and an open book.
Focus on yourself, get yourself well and strong, and you'll find that things will be a lot better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 36
Sorry Eliliana. 
I can't say much more than what has already been said. You can't change what happened, but you can keep yourself from continuing down the wrong path. Find constructive things that you like to do. Don't focus on the end, just focus on dealing with today. What you do today will make for a better tomorrow.
I can't say much more than what has already been said. You can't change what happened, but you can keep yourself from continuing down the wrong path. Find constructive things that you like to do. Don't focus on the end, just focus on dealing with today. What you do today will make for a better tomorrow.
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