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Quitting Drinking

Old 04-11-2013, 08:12 AM
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Day 3

Well, two days down and onto day 3.

Yesterday was a tough day. I felt annoyed at my bf- no real reason just that I was tired of him being around and he was making some noise in the kitchen... I think it's more a reflection of me than what he was doing. But I handled it ok: I took off for a drive and bought a bottle of juice to drink and calm down. Once I got home I just felt anxious and grouchy again though.

Still, I made it through it. I suspect the feelings are due to coming off the booze, or maybe from the booze, it's not that I didn't get anxious and grouchy when I drank, just that I'd drink to deal with it so now I notice it different. The last year or so, I've started to think that I have an anger issue, but I think it came from the alcohol.

Last night, my bf bought things for my favorite mixed drink, but I declined to have one. I didn't exactly tell him I was going to quit drinking. I know you're supposed to tell everybody and get support, but he never really is supportive when I say I need to quit. He always touts the awesomeness of moderating one's drinking instead... which I am really the absolute opposite of awesome at actually doing. I think he drinks too much too, and I didn't want to threaten his drinking if that makes sense. I guess I thought the conversation would be so stressful that it would make me want a drink. And strangely, I want this recovery to be MINE. Two nights in a row my bf has offered me a drink though, and I simply say that I'm not drinking then. It's actually rather satisfying in a way.

This morning I wake up, glad to have something to be proud of, even if it is just one more day added onto my two days alcohol free.

Spent some time this morning reading about PAWS since I saw some references to it on here and didn't know what it meant. Learning more about the effects of alcohol and quitting was probably a good thing.

Time for Day 3 without alcohol. No drinking for me today.
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Old 04-11-2013, 08:22 AM
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AWESOME JOB! It is satisfying to have the strength/confidence to say 'no', isn't it? Keep it up-I'm rooting for you!!!
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Old 04-11-2013, 08:35 AM
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This is a great thread. I love how you keep on updating your progress with how you are feeling each new day and how you work past issues, and most importantly, congratulations on three days!
As someone who is struggling to get clean again, this is really inspirational to me and I am sure many others as well.
Thank you for sharing and keep it up!
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:22 PM
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Got into an argument with my boyfriend today about a drunken argument we had a few days ago. (Well, he says he wasn't that drunk and I can't really say how much he'd had- but I do know his behavior was out of control).

Arguing about arguing... does it get any worse?

Anyway, he broke something during the argument and I made a joke today about how he broke the thing drunk and he got all defensive and said he wasn't that drunk and he did it because I was being mean. Truthfully, I don't even know where everything begins or ends or who's fault it was.

Maybe I was being a bit harsh on him-- I was a bit drunk and rather upset. Not that he seems to connect it with my being drunk, but rather as thinking that I'm a mean person. Maybe I am a mean drunk?

The thing is I know I/we have a problem. And I just resent the world today for him having to point and say 'Why are you mean?' when I'm putting all I have towards trying to fix the underlying cause. Not that I could expect him to see that after just 2.5 days of my not drinking during which I haven't really been in a better mood or anything.

This isn't like a post about anything, I just need to vent and think it over a bit.

I felt so scared, anxious, nervous, afraid, and angry arguing with my bf earlier today. I don't like the anxiety and depression and fear. I feel unable to cope: I don't know how to handle it, I don't know what to say, and then my bf gets more upset because I say nothing and then I feel more afraid and just want to hide.

Feelings. I don't like them. I drink, no it's 'drank' now, so that I didn't have to feel. I still want to run, but there is no place to go.

Still, I know somehow that not drinking is the first step to somehow making all of this better. What a mess.
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:04 AM
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Day 4

Well, I have made it to day 4!

It has been a LONG time since I made it 3 whole days without drinking. I'm not even sure how long it's been... I think it was back in July of 2011.

So, I am proud of myself for this!

It's hard not to notice it all the time... the nights without drinking are the worst, I feel like I don't know what to do with myself. It's strange to be bored after dinner and not drunk: I do a few chores before bed to keep myself busy. It's so different to clean up from dinner after dinner and not the next morning (or later the next day).

I have been focusing on trying to have good habits in place of the drinking. I've been really trying to focus on realizing when I'm hungry and eating something healthy then. I know I confused being hungry with wanting to drink a lot at the end and I'd just drink instead of eating when I should (lunch anyone?). In addition, I've been trying to drink lots of water (I refused to give up caffeine like they recommend... I love my coffee. No way I'm giving that up too, that would be torture. I feel a little guilty not being willing to try a strategy for success... but screw that one!). And I've been taking walks and doing some stretching and pushups the last 3 days. So, I feel good about taking care of my health in general.

I get this feeling of just not really feeling like doing anything quite a bit or what I 'feel' like doing is drinking, but that's not quite right either because I don't exactly want to drink, but it's like I feel like that is where I should be. Maybe like somebody who retired after working 50 years and they don't know what to do with all of their time off, they would feel like they should be working even if they don't want to be. It's like I have to think through what I'm going to do and how I'm going to handle each situation. And once I'm done with the task at hand I have to think 'What am I going to do now?' and then figure that out.
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:14 AM
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Good for you for making it to day four!! The first week was always the hardest for me but once that was past things started getting better. Hang in there. Come here and vent instead of drinking. We're here to listen and support you.
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Old 04-13-2013, 05:46 AM
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Day 5!!!

Well, I made in on to day 5!!

Yesterday was a success. It was my first night out in a social setting not drinking, but really no different from telling my bf 'no' to alcohol every other night. Although, he did offer twice last night: First a drink before the show we went to and then after the show telling me we should go out to the bar. I declined both. It's interesting in a way to see how much he expects me to drink because I think it shows how much I was drinking.

Yesterday, I noticed that the dark circles under my eyes had faded substantially. I look less haunted and tired and depressed. I woke-up early again for the second day in a row feeling way less groggy and tired than I used to.

My memory seems to be improving: I play drums and I have noticed it's become much easier to remember and learn beats. Although I still feel like I'm operating through a certain layer of brain fog. I feel like the fog is clearing!!

And I've quit sweating. I didn't wake up drenched in sweat once last night like the first few nights quitting. In fact, I used to be sweaty all the time- as soon as I'd put on a clean shirt, it would be drenched (gross!). That has stopped. I had no idea it was even due to all the drinking, but I have little doubt now.

It feels SO good to have 4 complete days with no drinking!!! They haven't exactly been pleasant, although I've tried to make the most of them... but I know it should get better from here on out. It's always so hard to start something, but once you're headed in that direction, it's easier to keep heading that way. Not that you can't change and lose the path or anything, but it is just nice to be on the right path.

So for today, I'll keep on, one step at a time.
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Old 04-14-2013, 06:55 AM
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Day 6

Made it through day 5, so now it's on to day 6 today!!

Yesterday was rough, but I came and posted for help and made it through instead of drinking.

I have a long drive ahead of me today so that should keep me busy for most of the day.

Anyway, time for me to get on with packing and what-not. I just wanted to take a moment to post and say, I HAVE ANOTHER DAY!!!!!
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Old 04-15-2013, 05:40 PM
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1 Week!!!

Well, tonight I have 1 week alcohol free!! I am proud of myself.
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Old 04-15-2013, 07:00 PM
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Congrats on your first week !!
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Old 04-15-2013, 07:05 PM
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DG,
Congrats its so awesome to hear you made it a week! You definitely should be proud of yourself, making it through the most difficult days is a huge accomplishment. Thanks for keeping this updated and sharing!
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Old 04-15-2013, 07:21 PM
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Keep it up! You sound like you are doing amazing and I am inspired by your story.
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Old 04-15-2013, 08:01 PM
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hiya DGO,

just read your thread and wow, you're going, one day after the other.
makes perfect sense to me that you're at a loss as to how to cope with feelings, what to do with yourself, all that stuff...drinking was the way i ultimately took care of everything, even if it wasn't right that minute.i always knew eventually i'd drink, so therefore i knew i didn't really have to figure out how to just BE, y'know? yeah, you know

the best news is that you are now starting to FIND and BUILD ways to help yourself with those things, and are starting already to reap some pretty good noticeable benefits from quitting.

sounds, too, like you're aware of what's going on with you and taking steps to take good care of yourself.
the drink-offering bf is an extra challenge.

keep going. it's the only way to do it.
and you're doing it!
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Old 04-15-2013, 09:56 PM
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Congrats on 1 Week DG! You are awesome!!
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Old 04-15-2013, 10:20 PM
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Great to read your thread DGO409. Keep on going.
I have people around me who offer me a drink, oddly some of the people who have witnessed and been the target of and have complained about my worst drunken behaviour.
Others tell me to drink in moderation, using their goodselves as shining examples of the possibility of this.
However, my eyes have seen the craziness over the last 26 years of my drinking and my body has certainly felt the pain.

For me at the end of the day you don't drink for you.

Again, well done on the week and tomorrow beyond that.
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Old 04-16-2013, 05:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Tyre View Post
Great to read your thread DGO409. Keep on going.
I have people around me who offer me a drink, oddly some of the people who have witnessed and been the target of and have complained about my worst drunken behaviour.
Others tell me to drink in moderation, using their goodselves as shining examples of the possibility of this.
However, my eyes have seen the craziness over the last 26 years of my drinking and my body has certainly felt the pain.

For me at the end of the day you don't drink for you.

Again, well done on the week and tomorrow beyond that.
Tyre, I think it's interesting that you note that the people that offer you drinks now are some of the ones that complained about your drunken behavior before. It is the same with me, my bf offers me drinks, but he is certainly the one that has had to put up with the effects of my drinking more than anybody besides me. He also tells me to drink in moderation despite seeing how that's been going for me the last 8 years.

I wonder why that is... but I also know it's not important.

Like you said at the end of the day it comes down to not drinking for me.
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Old 04-16-2013, 05:11 AM
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Today is my start over day #1 also. Congrats on your decision. I'll try hard today and I will say a prayer that we both make it through day #1 together.
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Old 04-16-2013, 05:32 AM
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Day 8

Well, on to day 8!! I am so proud of myself for 1 week no drinking. It feels good to have a little time done with. Day 8 is better than Day 1 was. I don't feel hung-over. I feel like this week will be better than last week. I am looking forward to things again a little. I am starting to get my life put back together. I am starting to get used to everything. This is like moving to a different country or something: it's like NOTHING is the same. I notice everything that's different about being sober than drunk.

Yesterday, I spent a while lying in the grass by this pond out in the country by this little farm-house in Texas. I watched the sky and the new spring-green leaves on the tree. I listened to the birds and the wind and the water. The feeling is gone now that I'm staring at my computer screen, but it felt like the most peaceful serene thing ever at the time. It was healing. It made me feel like everything was ok. It made me feel like a child again.

The rest of the day wasn't all as peaceful or perfect: there were times I 'wanted' a drink. Not that I think I really wanted one at those times, just that it's hard for it not to pop into my head. Like as soon as I got in for the night, it seemed like it should be time to pour a drink 'to relax', and I felt like, 'What am I going to do now?' It was nice to not drink then though because later I was still sober and I was able to go for a drive to some hiking trails and go for a short hike by the lake.

Yesterday, I took the day off work to celebrate being quit a week and take care of some things like getting my taxes sent off. I went and had my hair cut for the first time in more than a year. It was nice. I don't go do that much, due to a bit of social anxiety and the fact that I was always too busy drinking or waking-up hungover if I wasn't busy drinking. And it looks super cute- I told the girl just to make it look good since I don't really know much about hair and she did a great job. I know normal people go get their hair cut all the time, so I don't know if I can quite explain what it meant or what I'm saying here. I guess it's important because it's like I feel like I'm rejoining the ranks of normal people. It's amazing all of the things an addiction can affect in your life after a while.

Well, enough rambling for now, although it does help with processing everything, at least for me.

Time to make the most of today!
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Old 04-16-2013, 05:43 AM
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I didnt read all the posts. But your friend is correct. If you think you may have a problem. You do.
I'm somewhat of a functional alcoholic. I don't count my days but Im National Director Of Business Development for a monster tech company.
Im a drunk. But I guess you could say I am somewhat functional. I would not have the career I do if I was unable to function. I actually did 3 degrees and an MBA. Hammered.
Its was a special scenario.
You will learn a bunch of information form SR. This site has been a blessing.
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Old 04-16-2013, 06:07 AM
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its great to read of your progress. In my experience you are over the worst of it. Staying sober was the best decision i ever made. I wishi had done it when i was a young adult. Life can be lived sober, and freedom is attainable.
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