FamilyMan2153

I am really struggling with what to do, if anything. First I have to say that my wife has been great. She is supportive, goes to Al Anon once a week, and has helped me so much. Many wives would have left long ago after everything I put her through.

I always knew she smoked a little pot. She always has and it never interfered with our lives very much if at all. I kind of thought she quit when I went to rehab. She has basically quit drinking. Maybe 2-3 times since I got sober over 7 months ago. I noticed that she has been very cranky, almost angry, the last few days. She confided in me that she still smokes pot and she ran out. I did not really know what to say. She was honest with me. I am not sure where to go from here. It is illegal, obviously and we do not need anymore trouble. I hate pot so I would never smoke it. I really can't tell when she even smokes it. I am posting here so it must bother me but it is really something I want to confront her on?

FeenixxRising

I don't like the high pot gives me, so I have no problem with it. If it were my wive I wouldn't have a problem with her smoking a little weed. By that I mean it wouldn't be a trigger. But as you say, it is illegal, and if you have previous legal problems, then it may be a good idea for her to either give it up, or at the least keep it away from you and out of any areas common to both of you.

trachemys

"Honey, you've been so good to me that I'll go either way with you. If you want to quit, I'll help you like you've helped me. If you don't, just do everything possible to stay out of trouble."

deeker

I know when I stopped drinking that it was really my thing having a problem with hubby still smokin pot, I was a drinker. It was kind of a jeolousy thing that he could still chill out with a substance and I couldn't. So I had a resentment with him.

Probably gonna have to come to some sort of acceptance of that if you want any real peace. She couldn't stop you right? In the past.

bigsombrero

I think trachemys nailed it. It never interfered with your life before, you didn't mind it, and at least she is not lying to you about it.

"Honey, I feel uncomfortable about you smoking weed, but it's your choice. Please be careful, as I cannot support you if you get into trouble." - set your boundaries with it. Maybe that'll help you feel better?

Good luck.

Dib42

Weed was the only way my wife could deal with my drunk @ss.

ru12

I think I'd let her be.

neferkamichael

FamilyMan, 7 months sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Just stay focuses on your sobriety, do it for yourself.

773niki

Hi there - I'm in a similar predicament. I'm going on 6 months sober and my boyfriend doesn't drink, but smokes weed on occassion - probably more than i know. I don't like pot either, but every so often, the idea of "getting out of my head" triggers me slightly, but nothing I can't handle. I think a part of me is a little jealous he can smoke and get high and I can't - even though my sobriety is awesome this time around.

I told him I don't want to be with a pot head. we've been together 3 years and are talking marriage but we still have trust issues from everything I've put him through. I don't mind if he smokes on occassion - but I will not accept a daily pot smoker in my life - simply because it's a "lifestyle" I don't want to be a part of. I think that's acceptable. Just like he hated my drinking daily...

It obviously bothers you enough to post on here...so, maybe try to make some "ground rules" about it with her. I'm sure she will understand. You have to make sure you're both happy and comfortable to make all this work. Good luck!

Coldfusion

Congrats on the 7 months, and I hope all else is going well!

It seems that you have gotten a pretty good range of opinions on the topic. I am not sure how tolerant I would be in your situation. Would it be weird for you to go to Al-Anon with your wife? My wife and I go to AA and NA together.

DG0409

You say you can't tell when she smokes it, but I think maybe it says something that you can tell that she's NOT.

Being cranky and angry is one of the withdrawal symptoms for when somebody who smokes weed regularly quits.

Someguy23

What's law enforcement like in your area?

I'm asking because, in a lot of places in the US, the police don't really care about pot. They might care about a dealer, but not an otherwise law-abiding citizen who likes to spark a j every now and then.

And I've heard this from a cop - a friend's brother - who knows I'm partial to it on occasion.

Dee74

I'm gonna go a different way - it doesn't matter whether it's legal or not, less harmful than brand x or not - if it bothers you, I think you need to work out why it does, and then knowing that you can decide either to live with it or say something.

for me it would be a dealbreaker - not only because I've had massive problems with pot in the past, but because being involved in anything illegal is not where I want to be at this stage of my life.

D

soberlicious

I wouldn't be down with it. I don't want to build a life with someone who checks out regularly as a way of dealing with life. I think that's lame. You can be spending time together, but one of you is not really there.

FamilyMan2153

Thanks for all your thoughts. They are kind of all over the place but gave me a lot to think about. I did discuss it with my sponsor a little bit at my meeting last night. To be honest I am not sure what the hell I am going to do about it yet. My thought is to express that I could not live my life that way. Hiding behind a substance is hiding from life, an escape like alcohol was for me. She has not done anything wrong like I did when drinking, not even close but it is my honest thoughts on the matter and I need to be honest with myself and share it with her. If she continues to smoke or quit I will support her the best I can. She is my wife and I love her and will be there for her. I hope she finds the strength to quit but I am in for the long run. Thanks again.