SaraNotSarah

Hi, I am new and looking for support. There are so few people I can talk to in "real life" who will not ask me 3,000 questions from the start. I don't want to have to explain everything, I just need support. I am pretty sure most of you get that.

So...my story...

I have 4 kids, only one left in the house. My second child, 21 yr old son, is addicted to DXM. He also abuses Benadryl, and probably some other OTC meds, but we don't know for sure. His dad and I are divorced. His dad lives in WI, which is where son also is. I am in New Orleans. The distance makes things harder for me, but I can't drop everything and run ever time there is a crisis, which is frequently...like right now.

Son has been in & out of treatment. The last time seemed to actually work. He completed it and was in recovery, living in a home with other recovering addicts, had a job, was attending NA, meeting with his PO, etc.

Then 3 weeks ago he dispappeared. His dad and I found him at a cheap hotel, wasted, with another addict. He got sober, apologized, admitted his "crimes", and somehow, miraculously did not get kicked out of the house or lose his job. Fast forward to this past Fri. He disappears again. And is still missing. He has lost his spot in the recovery house, and his job, and of course we are worried.

Sorry to say so much but I don't know how to keep that story any shorter.

Sara

Anna

Hi Sara, Welcome!

I do hope your son makes the decision to stop using drugs, and I'm sorry for your difficult situation.

It might be a good idea for you and your husband to check out AlAnon as a support system for yourselves.

noexcuse

I'm sorry to hear about your son, Sara. As another mom, I can totally understand the feeling of wanting to race up and help, but it's probably good that the distance is forcing you to not jump in to rescue. By not helping him, by not bailing him out, you have the opportunity to save his life. Two of the things that we, as parents, do almost instinctually for our kids is rescue and protect. Sometimes, like in this situation, those two things are in conflict. I think the easier one (and less helpful one) is to rescue. But the one that will truly save your son is to protect him. Protect him from himself by not helping him any longer. It will be the hardest, most difficult thing you will ever do, but he will hit bottom and decide that he has to do this for himself and no one else.

SaraNotSarah

Thanks, y'all. I do KNOW those things in my head, but my heart aches and makes me feel like I should be DOING something. I am sure you know what I mean. SO awful. I wouldn't wish this anxiety on anyone, ever. Things are more complicated than just the bit I posted, but aren't they always? So worried he is trying to commit suicide by ODing. He has tried in the past.

KYGRL

Sara, I'm so glad you decided to join us here at the forums. There are a lot of people who understand exactly what you're going through. I'm sure my mom felt the same way a lot of the time.

You can only do what you can do. Your son is an adult, and as hard as it is to come to terms with, there isn't anything you need to be doing to try to save him. You can offer him support in the form of treatment, but anything else rides the line of enabling.

There's a forum here for family members of addicts. I think you'd feel right at home there.

Please visit us again in chat!

SaraNotSarah

KYGRL, I found that forum and am reading through the stickies with tears running down my face.

least

Welcome to the family! It's a hard spot you're in right now. I hope your son comes back and is willing to go for treatment again.

SaraNotSarah

Hey y'all ~

My son is safely ... in jail. Which is better than high and on the streets but still...it's jail. I feel both relieved and worried. Such a strange combination of emotions.

Next step for him? IDK. He is detoxing in jail (?) til Monday, then he sees the jail psychiatrist for his meds, then I am guessing he will have to see the judge and his probation officer. I don't really know. It would be great if the judge had mercy and let him try rehab again, but honestly, unless he is ready to quit I am afraid he will run again. And again.

I appreciate your prayers & support. Everyone here is so wonderful.

Sara

laurie6781

If he is in the Milwaukee County jail or City jail I believe they are still the way they were 37 years ago when I was a guest there, and they STINK and are AWFUL. The mattresses were non existent, the coffee was god awful, and you got baloney sandwiches for all 3 meals. YUK. Hopefully it might make some type of negative impression on him, as you can see it sure did on me, lol but I managed to keep the memory buried with alcohol for another 5 years.

It may help him get a bit closer to his own personal bottom and it may not. I am glad you have found SR but sorry for why you had to. You will find a lot of great folks over in the friends and family forums that do understand what you are going through.

I hope to see you over there posting.

Love and hugs,

Ann

Hi Sara, my son is an addict also and I know your pain. Jail may be just what he needs to decide to take a better path. It seems strange but most moms of addicted children here feel relieved when their kids go to jail...we know where they are and hope they are clean and have a chance to think clearly before they are released. It's not the best place, but there are worse.

I hope you join us on the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers forums, there are a lot of moms there who would be happy to share with you what has helped them.

I'm glad you found us and hope you find some hope and comfort here.

Hugs

venuscat

Sara ~ I'm so relieved your son is safe, and yes, hopefully the justice system will put him back into rehab. Maybe this time will be different for him.

Sending you hugs and prayers. Glad you're here with us!

Love Venus xx