liss74

Hi I'm 54 days sober got a temp sponser which I have been ringing most days only have I had a sponser for a few weeks she approached me and I said yes thanks to her never met her before she has been really good for me so far till the other day she has been sick with a bad flu so I got used to her sick but she's better now which is great rang her before work I've been having problems with my marriage so told her what's happening and she ripped my head off hardly let me speak some of the things she said made me never to believe my mind what's real and what's not like I can't trust anything that goes through my mind and what I feel is not important at all I don't want to ring her again I felt attacked I always put everyone first now I never want to think about myself ever again can someone help me I'm lost and that's not a good place for me to b in .

sugarbear1

Sponsors aren't marriage counselors.

My sponsor set down guidelines before we agreed to work together. Then we set out to work on the steps together.

Sorry this happened to you. Hugs

least

Perhaps it's time to find another sponsor. One you can trust not to 'rip your head off'. That doesn't sound very helpful to me.

Tamerua

I agree with least, maybe it is time to find the permanent sponsor. Mine usually has to drag the issues out of me to show me how to work the steps around them so I don't drink over them. Good luck!

liss74

How do u find a sponser she came up to me asked someone but they don't sponser tried to ring her tonight cause couldn't get to meeting didn't answer and no call back sort of glad cause scared she would say I'm making excuses

empiriotrash

Liss,

I am sorry that your sponsor acted that way towards you. I agree with a previous post that sponsors are not "marriage counselors" however, if problems in your marriage are something that can affect your recovery/ sobriety then you most certainly should be able to talk to your sponsor about that without them ripping your head off! I went through a few sponsors before I found one that I was comfortable with, and believe me, it was important that I felt like I could tell them ANYTHING. It would of been impossible for me to work the steps if I felt like I had to watch what I said with them.

Granted, tough love is a part of sponsorship in my opinion, as mine would always tell me the things I didn't want to hear. (The truth hurts sometimes). I would recommend finding someone else though.

A lot of meetings, in the beginning, the person running it will say something along the lines of, "If you have a year or more and are willing to sponsor a newcomer, please raise your hand" etc. I would recommend checking out more meetings, or just listen to the people who share who have a lot of time and talk to them after the meeting.

All the best

Tamerua

I went to a lot of meetings and listened to people who talked. The one that said the most with what I agreed with is who I asked. And she has been wonderful.

And I don't know what happened or how the call went, there are always three sides to all stories, side a, side b and side "what actually happened", so learn from this. When you talked to your sponsor did you say, look I have an issue and I don't want to drink over it. Here is a quick version of what is wrong. How do I deal without drinking? That is how I approach my sponsor when I do need an ear.

Good luck. You will find the right person.