Redvelvetcake59

REPLY: What do you tell people?
Isn't it amazing that you even have to worry about something like this? Although most on this site think that responding to this should be easy, its the aggressive personalities whether they know you or not that cause the problem. Some drinkers are like people who smoke cigarettes....they are rude, angry and pushy. I recently went to a food court. They were serving red wine for a special price if you ate dinner there. One of my long time friends started right in drinking and after a few glasses asked if I wanted some. I told her "girl, you know I stopped drinking two years ago", but it was the pushy attitude after I said that which caused me concerned. It seems like when you stop, the ones who are still heavy drinkers get really ugly when you do not want to drink with them. She did not influence me, but it sure was awful.

MeSoSober

Fair enough, but as someone said earlier, there are people who, when told you don't drink or that you chose not to without further explanation, will assume you have a problem, and some of us don't want them making assumptions, particularly if they are coworkers or colleagues.

So based on the above, I see absolutely nothing wrong with making up something.

coming_clean

I tell i can't be bothered drinking/doing drugs.

nothing more nothing less.

Skyjumper

I can't post links because I'm new. If you want to read the NYTimes article, it's from 2012/10/01, and it's called "feeling the pressure to drink for work."

When it comes to business, a white lie about you're drinking health will get you a lot further than being totally honest. That's my 2 cents. You've got to make a living, not best buds for life.

ScottFromWI

That is true - there are people in the world that will assume things based on lack of knowledge. But frankly I couldn't care less what they think, and changing your life/actions actions to appease their ignorance is counterproductive.

There are many, many reasons a person would choose to not drink. Only one of them is because of being an alcoholic or having a drinking problem. Some religions don't allow alcohol. Some cultures don't either. Some athletes or others concerned with their health don't drink for that reason. And the list goes on and on.

Booniecat

I say "I am allergic to alcohol. Whenever I drink, I break out in cops."

Not really, I just say I don't care for anything. If pressed, I tell them I feel better when I dont drink alcohol.

3girls1husband

"I'm alcohol intolerant"......seeing that the newest rage in dietary health is gluten intolerance, lactose intolerance, etc....should seem fairly reasonable!... hehehe...

MeSoSober

I don't see how it's "counterproductive." To me it just saves you both a hassle or an uncomfortable moment or potentially worse. I mean honestly, you NEVER make up an excuse about why you're late here or there or whatever?

Yes, there ARE many reasons why people don't drink, but you wouldn't be uncomfortable honestly and specifically answering with one of those reasons. "My religion forbids it." "I come from a culture that doesn't allow/condone it." But if you're VAGUE ("I don't drink" "I choose not to drink"), well then you're rather conspicuously not explaining WHY you don't or have chosen not to drink. It looks like you're hiding something -- and you are, which in turn invites speculation that you're an alcoholic. If it's stranger, I agree with you, who gives a $hit? But if it's a coworker or colleague? I don't want them even thinking I might have an alcohol problem when I can give a more specific lie and give them no reason to speculate.

Look, the criticism of employing a white lie in this situation made me want to offer a countering opinion so that the OP or anyone else who wants to fib wouldn't feel guilty about it. Because I don't think they should for a second.

wanttobepure

Yes, and your answer is supported by the Mayo Clinic:

Alcohol intolerance - Definition by Mayo Clinic staff

"Alcohol intolerance can cause immediate, unpleasant reactions after you consume alcohol. The most common signs and symptoms of alcohol intolerance are nasal congestion and skin flushing. This condition is sometimes inaccurately referred to as an alcohol allergy. Alcohol intolerance is caused by a genetic condition in which the body is unable to break down alcohol. The only way to prevent alcohol intolerance is to avoid alcohol altogether.

In some cases, what may seem to be alcohol intolerance is caused by a reaction to something else in an alcoholic beverage — such as chemicals, grains or preservatives. In other cases, reactions are caused by combining alcohol with certain medications. In rare instances, reactions to alcohol can be a sign of a serious underlying health problem that requires diagnosis and treatment."

ClearLight

Those kind of people are out of my life as friends. Period. I don't put up with people trying to push me into doing things I don't want to do - even if those things have nothing to do with drinking. Don't push me friend or you're out of my life.

Those people who make assumptions are normally small people that are not worth my time. Usually, if someone keeps prodding me to know why I don't drink my response is to question them. "Why do you care so much about what I do? What's it to you - you writing a book?" Sometimes they'll answer with a weak response such as they're just curious. I usually answer that with with a question to them - "Why are you so curious about me and my habits? Am I bugging you about your habits? Give it a rest and quit bugging me." I treat them like that because, in hassling me about my non-drinking, they are being rude - in any culture.


First - I have never found that to be the case in business. My experience in business is that straight shooting, aggressive, get-things-done kind of people are the ones that get ahead. If you can get things done and make things happen you'll get ahead.
Second - I am proud of who I am and would never consider lying about my personal habits. Especially about positive habits like not drinking or working out or eating healthy.
My question would be why are they drinking? THAT'S the real question. I look at it like smoking. Decades ago most people never thought about smoking as a disgusting habit. Aggressive non-smokers helped bring about that change. I guess I'm an aggressive non-drinker.

FeenixxRising

Point taken. I often get carried away with the honesty thing. Part of it is due to my occupation, where honesty and integrity are crucial.

But I can tell a white lie or even a fib from a mile away. And I believe most people are capable telling when someone is being less than honest. The truth is most people are very poor liars. If I hear someone say they're not drinking because they're taking an antibiotic or because of a health issue, I will immediately "assume" they're fibbing to cover up a drinking issue. Personally, I would rather be known as someone who is attempting sobriety than someone who is a little sneaky, and also has a drinking problem.

It seems we're damned if we do and damned if we don't in these types of situations; although, it's been my experience that most people are comfortable with recovering addicts, and uncomfortable with people who are less than honest.

wanttobepure

If you don't drink, it doesn't really matter what reason you give (white lie, alcohol intolerant, not drinking today, etc...), some people will automatically label you an alcoholic.

What other people think is their business, and I don't waste my energy or time concerned with such trivial matters. I follow my values and don't worry about things I can't control.

ClearLight

Amen!

Watching the Red Carpet interviews before the Academy Awards I was struck by an interview with Kerry Washington. She co-starred in Django. She's drop-dead beautiful -- I'm my opinion.
Anyway, in a casual aside she mentioned she doesn't drink. No explanation - nothing. And she said it like someone would say they work out - or they're right handed.
I thought - here's this beautiful woman just tossing it out like that. I'd like to meet the buffoon that would hassle her about it.
I'm tired of people that don't drink having to act like they're sub-normal. Let someone explain to me why they do drink - that's what I want to hear. In my book they're the ones that have some explaining to do.

OK - off my soap box!

Kerry Washington---

Snowie71

This is a really interesting thread... The wide variety of responses shows how diverse people's personalities are. I'm torn really...most people who have had problems with alcohol has spent a lot of time trying to conceal that, and there's much to be said for the fact that sobriety is an opportunity to live more authentically, without concealing habits others would be frown on. But in a work scenario for example to admit straight up that one has, or has had, issues with alcohol, well, depending on the line of work that could be extremely damaging.

I've not really faced this issue before but I imagine it can only be the first few occasions of refusing alcohol that need a "pre-prepared response" to questions. Like all new circumstances, it will become easier and even an anodyne white lie won't be necessary. I always remember at uni someone who didn't drink said simply that she didn't like losing control. She didn't have alcohol issues, she quite honestly didn't like losing control.

Mcribb

When people offer me a drink I ususally tell them how I have a stomach that doesn't work properly after years of alcohol abuse and problems. I then explain that I was in trouble with the law for drinking while driving. I finish up and tell them that I am not stable sometimes. I then talk to my sponsor if that doesn't work.

ScottFromWI

I fail to see how admitting you are a recovering alcoholic at work can be any worse than being an active alcoholic and making a drunk fool of yourself to the same people. Every place i have been employed during my life, my work has been judged on performance. I've worked in sales, construction, consulting, education and even as a bike mechanic and a recreation director.

I'm not suggesting everyone go out and scream to the hills that they are an alcoholic, far from it. But frankly, an employer would much rather have an employee that is not drinking and actively recovering than the latter. And as much as we like to think we can hide the drinking, people know about it. We are/were fooling ourselves when we thought we were the "functioning alcoholic" and that no one knew what was going on.

Snowie71

My post wasn't aimed at you, Scott, it was simply what I personally think. I'm new to posting.

ScottFromWI

And mine wasn't aimed at you or anyone else in this thread, it's also just my opinion. Sorry if you or anyone else thought i had directed it at them.

bukowskistory

I'm not sober yet but have been cutting back and on my way there, I never used to turn down a drink. Now I'm just honest and say I'm a maniac when drinking and cutting back, people understand and if they don't ehh.

Carlotta

Being a rude, angry and pushy smoker, I just yell at them:"Yo MF, I don't drink so get that S... away from me or I'll kick your a.."