Recovery1983

I'm no different than the worst addict/alcoholic out there.

I'm on day 2 today.

I really really struggle with some kind of purpose in life for having to deal with this. My cousin believes that I should have been dead long ago, but he is convinced that there is a reason why i'm still around. As I struggle with what feels like my 1000th time relapse, I find it extremely difficult to see what my cousin sees.

There has been countless times that I should have died by mixing the pills and alcohol together. Now I believe the insanity is what is going to take me out. One of these relapses, i'm just going to give in to the suicidal thoughts.

I dont want to hear congrats on day 2, because I seriously hate the encouragement. I'm not looking for attention or empathy from mentioning that I'm having suicidal thoughts. This is what I feel at the moment, and it is very real.

MeSoSober

Do you think there is a chance you are clinically depressed?

Seems like a red flag to consistently experience feelings of wanting to take your own life.

Dee74

Theres some really useful readings and numbers here Recovery - please bookmark the link...imo it's really a mistake to be judging our future on the way we feel today

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

I was at that place too...I nearly did die from my drinking and the shenanigans therein.

That convinced me things had to change - I made a lot of lifestyle and friends changes and I found support.

I think we get out of recovery what we put in to it.
Think about what you've been putting in, and what else you can do

you can do this - this is just an episode, not the whole series

D