ChangingNY

I am 46 and have been drinking socially since I was 15. I have always held down a job, had a decent place to live and have a beautiful well adjusted daughter, so I thought I didn't have a problem right? Wrong. I'm a binge drinker. Weekend warrior. I have a really decent job that I am thankful for and have worked hard for and these days its such a blessing. So why in the world would I drive home at 1:00 AM completely blitzed after drinking from 6PM Jack Daniels at the local bar in a company car? Why would I take the chance of hurting myself, killing someone, or ending up in jail and losing my job? I then proceeded to "terror text" for lack of a better word a man I care very deeply for whom I walked away from a month ago having some dramatic drunken argument for nothing that he did and in my "Jack Daniels" mind. So now he had been hurt and ignoring me. Well why wouldn't he? So you think I could leave it alone? Not with Jack Daniels by my side...I sent him the most nasty text messages you could imagine until I passed out, then at 7 am after puking into my garbage can in my bedroom started right back up sending him the nastiest stuff ever and to top it all off demanded the birthday present I gave him just before I broke it off. He's a carpenter and I bought him a nice set of power tools. Blew up his phone until he finally left them on the porch. So I took them back still drunk from the night before. I love him, and I don't know if I can ever fix it, but I can fix myself. I do not like the person I have become because of my alcohol addiction. I do not want to ever drink again. I have always been a kind, loving, generous person but its like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Please help me get through this. I have been drinking for 30 years.

deeker

Really familiar story, sounds like it could have been mine. Do you want to stop?

How bad do you want to stop?

Are you open to trying AA?

If you are let me know, I will give you some info.

Otherwise there are other routes to recovery.

Keep coming in here too!

Coldfusion

Have a look around this site--there's lots of good info. All time spent here is good for sobriety!

∞CF

Dee74

Hi ChangingNY

I think most of us hate the things we do drunk.

The really good thing is we can rebuild from that - and even rediscover our real selves...
so long as we stay in recovery and away from the drink

you'll find a lot of support here - welcome

D

Bubovski

I have been drinking in varying degrees for over 50 years.
No good came out of any of it.
Light drinking may be saner than heavy drinking but in some ways it is trickier.
Consistent periods of abstinence still have not led to permanent abstinence.
Start sobriety and keep on trying; I am despite of all my failings, there is no other option.....stopit!

Alcohol free day 2.

Mark03

Hi ChangingNY

Pretty much the same here. Although i was drinking everyday and binge on weekends. I too have a very good job. I also have an extremely loving wife and children. I have everything in the world I could ever wish for and then i drink and disregard it all. All my regrets and mistakes have been via alcohol. And there have been so many! Ive had a 20 year relationship with the poisen and am currently on day 3 of recovery so cannot offer any advise only that we need to quit the booze before its to late. I messed up big time last Thursday and at the moment feeling very low due to regret, shame, disapointment etc but what ever happens regarding that incident I cannot and will not drink anymore. I think the hardest part for me as always been the thought of " never having a drink again" scary! So after reading a lot of threads on here its become apparent that we focus on one day at a time.

So I decided to dig deep, find the strength and decide what is more important.
So I joined this forum to help me. Glad you did too

So welcome and goodluck.....

yesyoucan

Wow can I totally relate to this. I have done some of the stupidest things while drinking, and things I would never have done when sober. I have taken so many risks, and I admit I thankful my higher power was standing by my side. GOD knows he was!

least

We are here to support you in your desire to live a sober life. It takes a lot of effort and changes, but it's well worth it.

I'm glad you found us and joined our community.

visch1

Hi Changing NY and welcome to a life I do not regret after much doubtfulness many 24 hours ago. First I’d suggest making a copy of your post for a REMEMBER WHEN. We don’t have to get sober AGAIN if we don’t pick up the first drink. I go to AA so that’s what I suggest. These forums are VG but really don’t have the feeling involved with in close contact with people going through the same things. Just noticing the head bobbing when others identify, a hug when going through period of pain, hearing what you need at a particular moment, hearing a person who has what you want AND asking them to be your sponsor and USING HIM/HER. Keep coming finally registered in my head and saved my life as doing it along with much more which came my way. BE WELL

ChangingNY

Thank you all very much for the support. It really means a lot. I hope you all find your way in life, and in success in staying sober. It is so nice to know I'm not alone.

venuscat

Big hug to you. I shivered when I read your post; it's a very familiar story.

I was Hyde when I drank; I blew up a lot of things. Over and over and over. Such incredible pain, but making the choice to be sober is a huge and powerful step.

Yes, who knows if the people we have hurt will really forgive us? I only know that I am trying to keep taking the steps I need to take in order to forgive myself.

We can do this together. Glad you're here.

Love Venus xx

Hevyn

Hi Changing. We have something in common. I drank for 30yrs. too. (Isn't that special?)

When I came limping in to SR I never thought I could find the courage to change my life, but I now have 5+ yrs. sober. I have learned there is life after alcohol - a wonderful one. No more being foggy, stupid, and numb. No more unpredictable and dangerous behavior. In the end, drinking turned me into someone I didn't even know. I confused and hurt many people - it had to end.

You can do it, Changing. You are not alone anymore.