sandraklp

I'm new to the forums and also new to recovery. I had been doing well, but I screwed up and drank some vodka Thursday. I got really, really drunk and blacked out. I don't even know why I did it. I just drove to the liquor store, almost like I had no control over myself and boom! Was drunk as hell before I knew it. I don't usually even drink liquor, usually beer or wine. I know that I need to dust myself off and just keep trying. I feel horribly ashamed. I'm disappointed with myself. I've gone back to AA and have people to talk to. My stomach hurts really badly and I'm lucky I didn't end up in the ER. I thought about trying to hide it or lie about it, but I didn't. I don't want to be like this. I am better than this, I can do better than this. I'm sure I'll feel better in a day or so but I feel just awful.

IWillWin

Vodka was never my friend - it rips through my guts like a freight train. You know what to do...just do it and remember next time that drinking vodka makes you feel like you've ingested gasoline.

It will subside. Drink as much water as you can and flush out your system. Get back on the horse and start riding again...

2granddaughters

Commit to AA, Sandra, it will save your life.

"I" get drunk. "We" get sober. This too shall pass, just don't forget the lesson.

All the best.

Bob R

sandraklp

Yeah, it's not my friend either. I guess I was thinking it would get me drunk faster and also I wouldn't stink of booze. It is just poison, really. But, yep, just gotta start again and try harder. Thanks.

sandraklp

Yes, I know AA is pretty amazing. The people there are just wonderful. I want to be like them.

Ladybug2

Hi sandraklp, same thing happened to me yesterday. Was doing well (only had 5 days) but still...was feeling good about myself, then boom. Went on "autopilot" and had a beer, then bought a bottle of vodka. I, too, prefer wine, but started drinking vodka in an attempt to better hide from my husband ( he can always smell wine). I didn't get drunk or black out this time, but still mad at myself. Tired of starting over.

least

You know what to do now; get back up and start again. Don't beat yourself up too badly, just start over and learn from the experience.

sandraklp

Ladybug,Yes, I'm trying not to beat myself up too badly but its hard. I think I'm still feeling a little hungover so that's not helping. I'll be alright though and just keep trying and would suggest you do the same. There's no need for me to be whiny or feel sorry for myself, that helps nothing. AA is pretty helpful, too.

Ladybug2

I tried AA around this time last year, after finally becoming aware that I needed help. It did help, but I never did any steps and stopped going after a few months because I became pregnant and stopped drinking, no problem (ended up losing baby at 12 weeks due to chromosome disorder) May try AA again, but not sure how it will go with a 3 year old in hand?? Trying this forum first since I can do it from home.

sandraklp

I've been off and on for a year or so and really didn't commit myself to it, I don't think. I've been every day for the past few weeks. I was drunk at the meeting Thursday night...so embarrassed. Everyone was really nice though and understanding. The best thing about AA I think is having people who will listen and really do understand. I dunno about taking the baby...the place I attend meetings has a room for children to play while parents go to meeting. But I'd guess you couldn't leave a three year old unattended. My apologies on losing the baby, that must be very painful. My daughter is 18 and found out recently that she is pregnant. I will be 40 and a grandmother in September. It's amazing and scary and a million other things, but I find myself feeling more hopeful than I have in a long time.

IWillWin

PS - I can always smell vodka when someone's been drinking it. I do believe that is a myth invented by vodka companies to encourage sales! I believed it for years (never really drank it though with a few exceptions) but was out with someone a while ago and could definitely smell it.

Ladybug2

Thanks, yes losing the baby was very painful, but I am an "older" mom at 41 and knew I was at increased risk for chromosome problem. Just didn't think I would be the unlucky 1 in 100 or so. May try and take my daughter to a couple of meetings and see how she does. She did pretty well last year wren she was 2, but it was a little distracting. Unfortunately, all of the good meetings around me are during the day so my husband can't help there.

sandraklp

Well, I'm hearing people say that things happen for a reason...I'm hearing that a lot and starting to kind of believe it. I don't suppose that makes the loss of a child any less painful though. My daughter was having issues during her first trimester and I was afraid we would lose the baby. She's better now though. My kids are 16 and 18. I don't feel old enough to be a grandma yet. Well, hopefully, you can figure out a way to get to some meetings because I think the 12 Steps DO work for a lot of people. I'm kind of having to adjust my attitudes on God/spirituality. I was basically an atheist for a long time, but am seeing that those beliefs have done me no good whatsoever.

sandraklp

Yeah, I think you probably CAN smell vodka, but maybe not as much as other things like whiskey, wine or beer. The hangover was TERRIBLE. Vodka is the devil.

IWillWin

Yup. I had the worst hangover I ever had on vodka. It was worse than the week of withdrawals when I got sober.

Sounds like you are formulating a solid plan going forward - best of luck!!! You can do this!!

sandraklp

If doing something so simple as saying a prayer will help me then heck yeah! I can do that. Also, talking to people who really do get it helps a lot. I was feeling kinda bad earlier, but feel a bit better now. There's a lot of awesome, inspiring people on these forums, so friendly and encouraging. Thanks for all replies and I wish each and every one of you the very best!

Dee74

Many of us have faltered a time or two - the secret to success, I think, is coming back and adding things to your recovery.

Good to see you're doing both Sandra - welcome back

D