javamama

I got a bottle of Chardonnay and swore I would have only 1 glass, 2 maybe at the most...here I am only third (last glass of the bottle) reading SR and trying to find encouragement that I can stop. There is a still a part of me that likes drinking. The feeling it gives me, the relaxing overwhelming sensation nothing else can give. I'm up listening to country and reading on my Nook. I really am proud I haven't drunk dialed by now. I have called my "ex" more than a few times while drunk. My husband doesn't know ofcourse and I'm always ashamed the next day. There's a AA meeting tomorrow at 1:30 for beginners and I'm thinking of going...no I NEED to go. I want to know what it's like to be sober for 1 week...I need advice on what worked for everyone else. I think AA is a good start...

HappyDestiny3

First of all glad your here...

And just reading your post, it something how you pointed out how you like drinking, the feeling it gives, and the relaxation.. Then 2 sentences later you talk about the shame, and remorse..

I took a drink a long time ago, then the drink took a drink, and finally the drink took me for a long long time..

You have experienced what in AA we call " The Phenomenon of Craving", once you have one you want more and more.. One's to many , and 12 is not enough..

I hope you go to the meeting, please do, and come back and share how it was..

I saved this alcoholic from a alcoholic death...

javamama

Thank you HappyDestiny, Im making it a priority tomorrow to go. My husband is home, he can stay home with the kids, there's no reason I can't get there.

instant

For me the bad out weighed the good. All my attempts to control and moderate had failed in due course. I was tired and worn out.

I wanted out

Part of me wanted to drink, in some way part of me still does. I now accept it will never work for me, and i am glad i could break free and start living rather than existing.

I wish you peace

javamama

What are you doing to stay sober instant?

Dee74

sometimes it takes a bit of effort to achieve 'escape velocity' Javamama...AA might be a good way forward

D

Sonic9

AA didn't work for me , J2R did though , I still wish you all the best and understand that AA has worked for millions , A

TigerLili

Hi javamama. I have been in those shoes a thousand times. Just one or two. One has always been my undoing. If I ever managed to have 'just one', I'd then obsess about the 6 or 10 or 20 I didn't have.

I drank every day and every day I told myself today was the last time. Tomorrow I'll quit. I quickly learned I couldn't have just one or two and I knew I had to quit for good, or be a shameful, guilt-ridden, self-hating drunk who was barely getting through life.

AA has been really helpful for me, although I wouldn't say I love it. I wish there was another avenue for me, so far AA has helped me to stay sober. It's not for everyone, it's not perfect, but it's worth a go. Walking into my first AA meeting was the best thing I've ever done for myself, despite my love/hate relationship with it. This is my second real attempt at getting sober. I had over two years in AA before.

Sazzle

Do try a meeting tomorrow. Early sobriety is a bumpy ride and I found the support at AA great. Hearing other people's stories helped my to commit to my decision. I also read a lot on the Internet about recovery methods. Try googling AVRT. I'm also working on my own self esteem, diet and exercise. I think it's healthy to tackle any problem with a three pronged approach! Remember to look for the similarities, not the differences and to take what you need, and leave the rest.

You will be so proud of yourself after 7 days. That first week will be tough but we will all be here to support you.

S x

fruitymarzipan

Hi there, im detoxing from pills at the moment, day 3, I gave up alcohol successfully in my 20's (im now 36) AA didnt work for me back then for a variety of reasons, I did it on my own. Im angry that Iv let myself be pulled down by another substance, this time painkillers. What kept me going then & what keeps me going now is my kids, I look at their little faces and imagine what life would be like for them if anything happened to me, that they would grow up thinking I didnt love them enough to get well. I love them more than anything and thats why I know I am going to be successful. I know all the experts tell us we have to give up for ourselves and of course that is true, but im sure like me your kids & husband must be an inspiration too. Best of luck. Im only day 3 tday, feeling totally horrendous, flu like symptoms, cough, runny nose, shakes, my husband is working all day and the kids want to go swimming lol lol. Thatl be interesting, i'l probably drown!! I hope you make your meeting and it goes well, if it doesnt, dont despair AA isnt for everyone, you can still do it. I was just telling someone in another thread about a fab book iv just finished (a chick flick read) called High Sobriety by Alice King. Its a great inspiration for women.

least

Sounds like a meeting would be just the thing you need. Keep trying! Never give up! You'll make it!

KeyHeart

May I recommend "Seven Days Sober?" it's a thoughtful look at taking a week off and evaluating your feelings and priorities. It was a great starting off point for me and my seven days are now 16 days and counting.

Elisabeth888

If you want to go the AA route, raise your hand and ask for a temporary sponsor. You will want to start working the steps ASAP.

First one is to admit that you are powerless over alcohol and that your life is unmanageable. Think about that for a second. HOW has alcohol made your life out of control? CAN you stop at one or two?

Ladybug2

Hi javamama, I think I've seen you in the April class thread as well as I also joined that group. I have been struggling too. I made it to 8 days last month and had 5 days this month until yesterday. I really tried to fight the urge, but guess I just wasn't strong enough. It was a beautiful day, had the windows open and was getting ready to start spring cleaning. My husband was out with his dad and my mother-in-law was playing with my daughter. All of the above are triggers for me. Didn't get drunk, but the fact that I gave in makes me very disappointed with myself. I am tired of starting over and I am very frustrated that I can't resist the urge when it presents itself. Anyway, I can relate to what you are going through. Let's brush ourselves off and jump back on. I should have posted before I drank that beer. Maybe that is what I wll do next time .....

quitforme79

AA has worked for me...I will have 5 months in a few days. And I am actually enjoying my life rather than just staying away from the drink. Let us know how the meeting goes. If I could do it, you can too!

Mizzuno

Good Morning Java Mama. AA is a great place to be around other people who are sober and working a program. I think that some of us need a program to get our lives in order. Others are perfectly fine with logging into this forum and posting. There are many methods that you can use. AVRT, SMART, AA....Many more. You will have to choose what works for you and run with it. Sobriety is not easy and it takes time, patience and perseverance. I know that you can do this. After your AA meeting today, I hope that you get on here and post about it. Something in that meeting may resonate with you.

javamama

Thank you all so much! I want to personally hug each and every one of you! I am going to a meeting today in a couple hours. I'm enjoying my morning coffee browsing SR for now. I don't feel "great" this morning, but I'm not horrible either. Wish I didn't get that bottle. Im tired of starting over. I will check out all the suggestions made and books recommended, I'm currently listening to Drinking-A love story on audio and reading Best Kept Secret. Both about about alcohol addiction one a novel. I will post today after the meeting.

ScoutBall

Best thing ever is that you realize what you have to do, and it will make you stronger.
Reading here has helped so much--just knowing I am not some circus side show--and there are others like me.
Count me in your corner. You can do this!

Zebra1275

There is a still a part of me that likes drinking. The feeling it gives me, the relaxing overwhelming sensation nothing else can give. I'm up listening to country and reading on my Nook.

Private parties by yourself are a real danger. In the beginning it seems like a nice way to relax and unwind. In the end it justs gets kind of pathetic.

I can't tell you how many books I read while drinking, that the next day I would have to go back and read the last several chapters because I couldn't remember what happened. Same thing with videos.

javamama

Thank you ScoutBall!