Paddler

It's my wife's grandmother's 90th birthday. I can't really bow out of this one...

Heading a couple of hours away to the "farm" where cousins and friends from all over the country are flying in. I don't have any cousins of my own age but my wife has several. They have grown to be great friends and good partying buddies. There will literally be 20 of us around the same age, same interests, etc... watching our kids play outside in beautiful warm, spring weather. There will be coolers full of cold beer and wine on the table. Lot's of good food, games... Basically a drinkers paradise.

I can't miss the party/reunion for obvious reasons and will be logging in here often. I have asked my wife for support and she is being very supportive. I told her "I don't want to drink this weekend..." to which she replied "please don't, I don't think you're ready..." That's a nice way of her saying "I'm worried you'll get smashed and make an ass out of yourself in front of my family." She is on board completely with support but I do think the thought of me still not drinking once she can "socially" hasn't quite set in. (she's pregnant).

If I were to drink when we arrive tonight I know what the weekend will look like. I will start with 2 beers tonight. That will lead to 8 tonight. Maybe a shot if it's available. If it isn't I'll probably drink two or three beers really quickly... then continue "holding one" to appear to drink normally. I'll stay up too late chatting and won't help get the kids to bed. I'll end up outside with those who don't have kids next to a bonfire. I'm sure I'll drink until I can no longer walk. I might fall asleep outside in the chair. I'll wake up tomorrow hungover. I might sneak a beer first thing in the morning to "regulate" my balance. I'll sneak another and drink it in the bathroom. At noon I'll be able to justify having a beer with lunch. By this point might as well shoot the day all to hell. Sunday I'll wake up even more hungover than Saturday. I'll have two or three beers before or around breakfast. All my wife's grandmother wanted for her 90th birthday is for everyone to go to church with her. I prob. won't make it or will be so hungover I'll only be able to concentrate on church ending and getting home. I'll have panic attacks and anxiety on Sunday. My stomach will be messed up. I'll continue to drink throughout the day on Sunday.

Monday I'll wake up with the dreaded withdrawal hangover and a 2 hour drive. I'll have to choose to drink or start battling through detox. It won't be an easy decision... and will prove to reboot the same cycle.

So I choose to continue the momentum of sobriety I have going. =) I might get some good cigars or something. Thanks for listening. Writing all that out publicly has helped me mentally prepare for the weekend. Have a good one everyone.

Jeni26

Stay strong. Make that commitment to yourself to stay sober this weekend NO MATTER WHAT.

Think ahead of what excuse you can make to avoid being offered alcohol if you're not ready to explain yourself. Being on antibiotics is always a good one.

Remember what a great sober proud dad you're going to make.

Keep logging on here, we are right behind you.

You can do this, I believe in you xxx

InNeedOfGrace

That's a pretty good description of what will happen if you drink. Can you come up with a paragraph describing what will happen if you abstain? I think it might help you to visualize something positive to balance the negative.

Like2Hike

That sounds like some of my family gatherings, Paddler. Visualizing the inevitable ugly results of your drinking is a smart move.

You're going to come out of the weekend proud, strong and happy when you stay away from the booze.

Lost3000

I can really relate to this. I too did this on family reunions.

So you've thought thru the drink, and that helped me so much to not pick up.

Go and have fun!! Be young again! Act like a dork, play with the kids, do something so different - set up a board game, organize a water balloon fight. Bring lots of books, take naps. Bring COFFEE.

I didn't realize this until way later, but believe it or not, during all of those drinkfests, there's always this little table of NON-drinkers. Imagine that. Find them and hang.

You are going to do great.

p.s. - My husband didn't quite get it at first either. Or so I thought. Now that I've been sober for 15 months we talk frankly about it and he told me that secretly he was really hoping I'd quit and that he knew I had a problem.

Valll

Beautifully and clearly written post Paddler - which can only mean one thing...

You know what to do and I am sure you will get through it ok.

Paddler

Great idea... thank you.

I honestly feel there are two different results from not drinking. I'm trying to separate the actual results from those coming from a drinkers mindset.

Drinker's mindset: I won't have as much fun hanging out. Everyone will wonder what's wrong with me. I won't enjoy the fellowship and seeing cousins/friends I only see once a year or every two years without a buzz. I need a buzz to have fun. Everyone will be drinking and getting drunk. I'll have as much fun with my kids and the other kids if I'm tossing some beer back. It's spring... it's going to be the first warm weekend in forever... I should celebrate by getting a spring microbrew. I'll just have a couple.

Reality: If I don't drink I will still have a lot of fun. I won't be the only one not drinking. My wife won't be drinking and she's my best friend and the only one I'll be returning home with. Even those who do drink won't be drinking the copious amounts of alcohol I used to perceive they were. I was the only one that drank that much... they have all seen me make an ass of myself at some point. If I'm drinking I won't even bother with the kids. I won't be mean to them or ignore them by any standards... but if i'm out of my mind I might as well not be there. Kids are one of my main motivators in quitting, anyway. I'll wake up refreshed and enjoy coffee in the morning. I'll be able to stomach breakfast. Instead of wondering how to cure my hangover I'll be able to actually visit with these people I rarely see. I'll actually be able to enjoy the beautiful weather and appreciate it for what it is instead of using it as an excuse to drink seasonal beer. Instead of dreading the return home I'll feel proud, accomplished, and more motivated than ever to keep the momentum towards my goals.

I like the cigar idea. I'm not a cigar smoker. It might give me something to look forward to should my wife and I be able to get the kids to bed and stroll out to the bonfire.

Anna

Wow, Paddler that's a great and detailed description. So you under no illusions as to what will happen to you, and I know you won't let alcohol ruin the weekend.

ScottFromWI

I've been to a couple family gatherings out of town since I quit, and especially on my side drinking is a norm. The first thing you do when you get to my parents is say Hi to Grandpa and then go down with him to get a beer out of the fridge.

In both instances when I was offered a beer ( which is usually the first thing in the door at my dad's house ) I just said no, I have quit drinking. Sure it was uncomfortable, but only for about 30 seconds. And actuallly, in both situations I got a lot more "you know what, I sometimes think I drink too much too" responses than "aww,c'mon just have a beer, one won't hurt" responses.

Bottom line, you know exactly what will happen if you drink, we all do. I personally have decided to just face the issue up front rather than trying to use some odd excuse or try and avoid the obvious. That may not work for you, but please take whatever tools you use to keep sober with you and use them. You may be surprised at how good a time you have and all the things you missed when you were drunk at prior gatherings.

Best of luck and safe travels.

Paddler

thank you Scott. I'm actually building the courage to just say "no thanks, I've quit..."

I know that will not only help this weekend but in all situations in the future.

ScottFromWI

Believe me, it was pretty tough the first time I did too. Especially to my dad, beer has always been around my entire life with him. Surprisingly he was the first one to say, "You know, I probably drink too much too". But after you get used to it, most people don't even think twice when you have a soda or a tea.

NewHouse2012

Paddler,
I love this thinking it through post. Not only is it truly insightful, it also helps me to remember to just think it through! The predictable, negative consequences of our drinking are just more and more reason to cut it out and find a new way to live.
Hope you have a great, sober weekend that is full of only good memories.

Kys

I'm very new to my journey in abstaining from alcohol and this was very insightful, thank you Paddler.

Sounds like you and your wife are a team, nice to hear of her support. Maybe the fact that she's not drinking is a good response for you too, being a team.

Thanks.

jscorpio

This is a great post and really hits home with me. Thanks Paddler. Personally, I don't know if I could handle the situation, especially for an entire weekend, but it sounds like you have really thought this through and know what you need to do. Keep us posted on how the weekend went.

Paddler

Thank you all so much. I will post periodically throughout the weekend on this thread with some updates to let you know how it's going... that will really help me.

Hevyn

Fantastic job, Paddler. Reading the 'what the weekend would look like' (if you drank) stuff gave me chills. So many hundreds of those social occasions are in my history. I shudder to think of ever going back to that lifestyle. We put ourselves through hell, all in the name of relaxing & celebrating.

You are going to be so proud of yourself & so grateful that you didn't cave. This weekend will further strengthen your resolve to stay the course. You're doing a wonderful job of getting free.

Dee74

I have every confidence in you Paddler

Have a plan for all the likely scenarios...never pick up that first drink...you'll be fine

D

Paddler

Well... Into the fire. And it was just as I imagined lol. Even spring like weather... Enjoying my coke. Thanks all for the support. It's strange. Although I know I'm not the only one not drinking... When I look around it sure feels like I am. Keep trucking...

RiverFriend

Yes on coca cola! I was going to suggest bottled root beer or something. I always stock up on Henry W. root beer/cream soda/mexican cokes, etc....heck, half the time people don't realize it's root beer and I end up with less friends asking why I've stopped drinking. Stay strong and have fun. Cheers!

Like2Hike

How's the family gathering going, Paddler? We've perfect spring weather here so it's probably the same in east TN. Hope all is well.