bd71

Hi Everyone,
First post for me and I have been putting this off for far too long.
Brief history. First tried alcohol as a teenager, as most people do, On weekends my mates and I would drink and have fun, I joined the Navy at 17 and thus joined a hard drinking macho culture that consumed me, I thought I was having a great time, after I got out at 23 I struggled with alcohol right up until now, I'd stop because of an event I had embarrased myself at, or my girlfriend would question my drinking, the longest I did without was about 8 months, I found that my drinking came in waves, I'd have a binge and then feel so crappy that I'd stop for a week or so, and then I'd have a bad day or whatever, grab a six pack and up the staircase I'd go again until I hit the downward spiral again. I guess I have either been lucky with partners and employers, but I seemed to be ok, I never lost a girlfriend or a job because of it...functioning as they throw around these days, fast forward 15 years and I now have a wife, three young boys who all adore me, I have struggled with fatherhood and have sought help over my depression, but my drinking hasn't helped, Last week through a series of events, that thankfully didn't change my life, but certainly would have destroyed it, made me realise I need to stop. now. I had my last beer Monday afternoon and here I am 3 days in, going through the night sweats and insomnia, looking toward the light at the end of the tunnel, so much more to live for than a cold one.
Cheers

least

Three days sober is a great start. I'm glad you joined the family!

deeker

Hi bd, welcome you will find a lot of support here. I hope you will be able to stay stopped for you for those little ones. I can't get those years back with my son and it often brings on a good cry. I can't change the past but I am changing today and that will change my future.

My son is 22 now. He has some pretty bad memories of seeing Mom passed out and being arrested in front of the house. Saw me in a accident down the street and endured many of my broken promises, lies and manipulation.

Those years went by really fast and I can not even explain the pain of not being able to get them back. I took lots of home videos when he was a little guy, those are most of the memories I have. I have a difficult time even recalling happy memories to share with him as an adult. What's really sad is that me and my hubby who are married 28 years and together 31 never and I mean never reminisce about good memories. I made his life miserable and my son's too.

I have forgiven myself because I found The Lord and he died for all of that. (Jesus). But I have so many regrets and I hope you think about these things. Their little lives go by in a flash.

bd71

Thank you guys.
My Boys are still young 18mths, 4 and 5.5, they deserve me to be me. I almost lost one of them last week to a near swimming accident and it was like being hit in the stomach with a sledge hammer. Nothing is more important than those little fellas.
Thank you for sharing.

Paddler

I started drinking in college around 20. More seriously at 21... then really catching steam at 25. I'm 33... 4 years ago I went to a 6'r a night with lots more on the weekends. Shots, bottles of wine. Shots and bottles of wine and beer (on the weekends)... then nightly drinking of 6r's+ on week nights.

I also had a lot of embarrassing moments. My wife set up Santa for our two small kids at Christmas because I was passed out. At my in-laws. All she did Christmas morning was have this awful sad look on her face as I struggled through a hangover while my kids excitedly opened gifts. They are 3 and 5. She's pregnant with our third. I also said that's enough... in December.

It wasn't. I kept trying to enjoy beer in moderation. For 4+ months since deciding to quit I've managed to string together a week or so here and there... have just a couple of social beers... then bam - hammered. The weekend before last I had an old college friend bring his small boys to stay with us. We had a great time. Had a couple of beers. I'm sure I had more... it triggered another 5 day binge.

That one was hell coming off of for 5 days. And that was that. Something triggered something in my mind. Enough.

I am not the best father ... like my dad was to me and my grandfather was to my dad. I'm the alcoholic my great grandfather was. If not yet... I sure as hell am close. I've broken the cycle. I'm a drunk.

I haven't hurt anyone. I haven't been to the courthouse. I have a great family and beautiful kids and a good life. I'm quitting drinking because I don't want to loose that. There is nothing left alcohol can give to me I have already enjoyed. I know what the highs feel like. I truly feel like there are only lows left...

I wish you the best. You're almost through those withdrawals. Man do they suck. The 3rd morning I woke up after my binge I stunk so bad and felt so awful after tossing and turning, thinking I might die, sweating... ugh. Seems ridiculous now... Today marked the end of another week sober (first of several I pray) and I ran 5 miles and it felt great. So hang in there. =)

Paddler

My oldest fell in a pool while playing at 2. I, thank God, was sitting on the deck in the shallow end and reached him shortly after he fell in. It still seems surreal. I can remember jumping as far as I could and while in the air seeing him floating face up... eyes open... to the bottom. I grabbed him and threw him on the deck. He was fine but it was scary. as. hell.

Glad your boy is o.k. I often tell my wife the hardest part about being a parent is the worry.

Richierich777

Welcome. I was in the military as well. Yeah nothing but drinking but as you feel the se way I as well got sick of it and decided that my family was more important. Good to see you here and do keep us posted.