tomsteve

ya did more than i did when i went to my 1st meeting. go on ya!!
i had been at some pretty low places in my life, but not as low as the mornign after my last drunk(4/21/05). i hated myself and what/who i was. worthelss, useless, hopeless, and helpless. that was when i finally admitted to myself that alcohol and me were the 2 common denomintors in all my problems. my past was right there in front of me. my life wasnt a life, it was just an existance.everything in my existance revolved around alcohol. there were only 2 things i did good in my existance: work and drink.
from very early on, i couldnt have one or 2 drinks and walk away. no matter how hard i tried, i couldnt stop there. it led to my life becoming unmanagable.

then the day after my last drunk. i started reviewing my existance and seeing what i had done in the past to stop drinking. geographigal relocation, new jobs, new friends, new hangouts, exerting myself more..none of it worked. i narrowed my choices down to 2: go to AA or kill myslef.
i chose AA, and was only goin to to see what would happen. if nothing changed, i was taking the other option.
i pulled into he driveway for my 1st meeting(4/22/05), backed into a spot, put my car in drive, and went home. i didnt drink, but cried all night long.
the next day(4/23/05) i decided that if i didnt walk into the meeting that night, my 2nd choice was gonna come into effect theat night.
i was full of fear; fear of the unkown. what was sobriety gonna bring? i took my 1st drink at about 13, so didnt really have a clue what was gonna happen. i got out of my car, and i thoroughly believe that the god of my understanding was dragggin me intot ha meeting; i was scared crapless and wanted to turn around, but i didnt.
when i waked through the door of the meeting room, the man at the head of the table had a huge smile on hos face( i had been to AA before and i am sure he remembered me as i remembered him) and said,"welcome!!glad ya made it back!"
when it was my turn to speak, all i could say is,"im tom, im an alcoholc and i cant take it anymore." i couldnt say anything else as i started cryin. i didnt have to sa anything else. those poeple knew exactly where i was at. i didnt know it at the time, but they knew because they had been there.
that night was the 1st time in my life i got on my knees and prayed; honestly, sincerely, and with every ounce i had, prayed to whatever God was there to please help me!!!
yup, it was rough for a while. gettin sober was the hardest fight i ever had( harder than the fight against stage 3 melanona diagnosed 13 months into recovery). i had many times i broke it down to one minute at a time. i had many times i thought for sure i would wear out the serenity prayer, but found out that ant be wore out.
through it all, i was goin to meetings, rading the big book, doin my best to do what it said( the fog took a while to lift and by reading the big book, i saw i really wasnt as smart as i thought. there are words i never heard of in there! ) and prayin like crazy.
but the miracle happend: i made it through one whole day wihtout even thinkin about a drink!!!
staying sober has been easy. i have a life today!! it can be difficult at time, but i get through "it" all! wow!! get through it! i used to try to go around it, but that, well, i will take a guess ya know how that worked!!!

hope ya make it to another meeting soon. we will be with oyu in the fellowship of the spirit an you will surely meet some fo us on the way!

tomsteve

forgive me for any misspelling. id blame auto correct, but its just me typin too fast!

javamama

Hopefully you can make to another meeting soon, and hopefully it's still there lol I hope to go to my first meeting soon, it's hard cause I'm a stay at home mom of 3 kids, 2 that aren't in school. Hubby gets home late and by the time I made dinner and get the kids fed and bathed its too late. I will probably go on a Saturday. I'm really scared...I don't even know how I will walk into the meeting.

sugarbear1

One foot in front of the other, like the rest of us.

You can do this!

janiebluebird

tomsteve - thats an amazing story, and its so encouraging to hear that you've made it all this time. Its good to remember what brought us to this point.

java - I was so scared of going to a meeting for the longest time, but always knew I have to do it if I really want to maintain sobriety. Just remember, its only for an hour. I've only been to one so I don't want act like the AA know it all but it took a lot for me to go and I'm happy I did. You have to take care of yourself and this is the path to doing so.