Confronted my spouse on bottle a night wine habit
 

Newbie obviously,
I confronted my spouse about a bottle a night wine pattern. I think it's been two or three years since that hasn't been the case. No "problems" to speak of like DUI, job issue, or family abuse. I'm mainly concerned that the will or ability to cut back isn't there. I brought up as a concern for health. The response was not constructive. Do I have cause for concern or should I let the dependence continue?

Hey Apple and welcome to SR!

The problem with drug dependency, and the reasons they can be so difficult to solve, is that in most circumstances nothing will happen/change, unless the person dependant decides to change. 70 units a week is a fair bit to be knocking back.

The snappy response you got back when you questioned your spouse on her habit certainly indicates that they might be feeling insecure about their drinking. I know that when I drank, I constantly ignored people telling me to stop or offering help to me until I really saw for myself what I was doing to my life.

I wish you all the best

I would think a Bottle of wine a night is to much.

I agree with MrBeagle, they won't quit til they're ready to quit. I hope your spouse will seek help.

Welcome to SR! :welcome

I'm new to units of alcohol. She doesn't really seem to be buzzed by bedtime, but has been cutting back on dinner lately to avoid calories. Any literature to share on reasonable limits?

I'd reached a point where I could drink a bottle a night. My husband actually said very little , but I knew he was concerned. I felt terribly disappointed in myself and made the decision to stop. Looking back, I'm still not sure what my response would have been if he talked to me about it.....I'd like to think I would have listened.

A bottle of wine is a lot of money and calories.....not to mention the other health consequences.

It's the health consequences about which I'm most concerned. Mainly liver health.

A bottle of wine contains around 10 units. The reccomended weekly allowance is 21 units for men and 14 for women. Obviously with your spouse at around 70 units a week, its risky in terms of health.

Hope this helps a bit

I think that you can look up on the web and see how many units are deemed healthy for a woman, and then also for a man. I am 100% positive that a bottle a night is not within the guidelines.
I understand why the conversation did not go over to well. Nobody likes others critiquing what we are doing. You do have cause for concern. Absolutely. Your wife will have to come to her own conclusion about her drinking. Please keep posting.

Thanks,
I found this for a start.
rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov

Welcome AppleCorp

there's no getting around a bottle a night is above recommended limits
CDC - Frequently Asked Questions - Alcohol

I think the important thing here is what you feel about her drinking, and what you intend to do to take care of yourself in this situation....like others have said, we only quit when we want to quit.

Have you thought of something like AlAnon?

we also have Family and Friends forums you might like to look at too - I know you'll find a lot of support here :)

D

Here's the friends and family forum.


Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Hi AppleCorp, you have a reason to be concerned. I, too, developed a habit of drinking a bottle of wine a night. It started with one or two glasses after work, then turned into a bottle, and eventually into 2 bottles. My husband also became concerned (like yourself) when it reached a bottle so I started hiding it from him. It only got worse from there. Not saying your wife is headed down the same path, but you may want keep your eyes open. Everyone is right, we won't quit until we are ready, but it wasn't until my husband was brutally honest with me and I felt like it was affecting my marriage did I admit to having a problem. Good luck, hope everything works out for you :c014:

Hi AppleCorp and welcome! I also had a bottle of wine a night habit that eventually---or not so eventually, but it did happen---grew to two bottles a night and then I started the hiding behavior LadyBug describes above. And if your wife is cutting down on her food calories to save for her wine calories? Not good. But as everyone says above, most of us aren't willing to face it until we're willing to face it. I was certainly like that. I'm sure the friends and family forum will also have a lot of good suggestions about going forward as you obviously care about her very much. Keep posting and best of luck to you and your wife!

Try going to Al Anon, get a sponsor and focus on you for now......

Just a suggestion for you.

Welcome; ya I'm w/ a lot of those that have posted before me that that's 2 much & since we deal w/ a disease that progresses, nip it in the bud b4 anything disastrous happens

Hopefully an opinion from a medical professional will increase the desire for change. Still not getting much acknowledgement that a problem exists. The good news is that we're able to talk about it.

Dr says not a problem. But we're still able to talk about "it"
I'm heading over to Friends and Family. AAnon is close to workplace once a week.

Wow, can't believe a doctor would say a bottle a day is not a problem. Glad you're able to discuss it though.

Dr. cited one or two per day as OK, As long as it's not affecting job, health, relationships, etc. He didn't quote an upper limit. DW says therefore there isn't any problem, but is willing to cut down.