Aborigine

Or Malfoy Manor as I like to call it.
It's OK. I'm mourning being separated from my son. But V is a different matter. Seems like he is a major trigger for me. I'm fine all day until I get an e-mail or text from him, then I get a rushing feeling of dread. I accused him of Parental Alienation when he kept me from all contact from my son for 3 weeks. I backed off and didn't do anything rash like forcing myself back in.
He finally let my son stay with me at my parents house for Easter weekend and we had a good time. Lots of cousins around and fun at the skating rink.
My son told me a lot of things V is doing that he doesn't like. Making him go to al-anon where the kids talk about drugs and being raped, taking him to this spritual guru lady that makes him massage Vs head, and listening to V talk about how messed up I am. My son is 11.
I was a binge drinker and my last binge lasted 4 days. My MO is to stay away in my room, telling everyone I'm sick and to leave me alone so they don't catch it. My son has seen me drunk but not falling down black out drunk as I saved that for when he's asleep.
I'm 4 weeks sober but this is not that big a feat since I was never a daily drinker and have gone over a year without drinking.
It's the not knowing when that first drink will be just the one or if its going to be 4 days in a stuper. I realize that I can't control what's going to happen no matter how much I think about it. I still can't answer how the last binge came about.
I can only realize that I was in a toxic relationship and V never really liked me at all. I must have known this deep down. Unable to do anything about it without a job or resources must be what made drinking so appealing an escape.
I have a real plan I've been working on and my goals are simple. Get a job, get an apartment, get my son back.
Keeping my eye on the prize and not reacting to V who is bent on derailing my sobriety through bad mouthing, contempt, and pure hatred. I am acting with dignity. Hell, his car broke down and he's using my car right now, I'm even doing his taxes for his business.
I know there is no gratitude there because he feels entitiled and thinks I owe him for the emotional distress I've put him through. I don't expect he'll ever acknowledge his role of treating me like a sub-human. He acts like I'm a monkey in training who deserves draconian dicipline. There's nothing I can do.
I resign myself to this fact and it feels good not to try and prove myself worthy of his affection anymore. Of course, he'll tell you a different story and anybody who will listen for that matter.
Its just not my personality style to defend myself to the community.
What I do need is a proper and healthy avenue for venting these frustrations and dramas that surround me. There's got to be a job out there for me.
100 resumes sent, 2 interviews, 2 rejections.

Mizzuno

I am sorry that you are facing all of this. Thank you for posting and sharing. You will get employed. I know that things are hard right now, but they will not stay that way. Keep your eye on the prize Ab.
This place is perfect for venting.

bblackbirdflyy

Keep your eye on that prize and don't let the turkeys bring you down!

Nonsensical

You've got some hard months ahead. I split from my first wife about 24 years ago, and it was rough and ugly for a while. She wasn't trying to directly interfere with my visitation rights, but she was planning to move far away, so it amounted to the same thing.

That chapter in my story had a happy ending. Her true colors came through, and I ended up with custody. Later I found the love of my life and we're living happily ever after.

I hope you have a happy ending, too.

Anna

I'm glad that you have clear-cut goals and I hope you continue to focus on them. My suggestion is to stop thinking about your husband/boyfriend and what he wants. Focus on your own recovery and taking care of your son. You can do this and be free to live the life you want and deserve.