Day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 62
Day 1
I am feeling pretty ashamed and disgusted with myself. I need to stop drinking now before things get any worse. My crumby studio apartment is full of empties and trash. I have hardly any motivation to move my body which is is pretty serious pain at the moment. My stomach feels awful, I'm feeling this strange numbness in my legs and one of my fingers, and I feel pretty depressed as well. This is all just what's going on today, but I've had countless moments where I should have recognized that I have a problem. I don't really have anyone here to talk to about it, so I'm hoping this site will help me as I start on this path of sobriety. Yesterday, I took what I hope to be my last drink and I went to my first AA meeting that I wasn't forced to attend. I went to my second one right after that. Today I don't feel like I have the strength to go to another, but I might try to hit one up tonight. I'm thinking about possibly getting a sponsor or something too. I'm not really sure. Anyway, I see a lot of support on this site so I think this is really going to be helpful to me. Any advice or encouraging words would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome UnseenLight!
Congratulations on making a great decision and for reaching out.... I was a mess, too, when I first got here and wondered how I'd ever get through a day sober. This is a great place - it helped me turn my life around.
Glad you're here!
Congratulations on making a great decision and for reaching out.... I was a mess, too, when I first got here and wondered how I'd ever get through a day sober. This is a great place - it helped me turn my life around.
Glad you're here!
recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 243
Welcome to this board. If you think you need to check yourself into a clinic, please do so. Get help somewhere. Start going to meetings. They help. It was rough on all of us in the beginning. Hang in there. It gets better.
I love Honolulu, by the way!
I love Honolulu, by the way!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 92
Hi friend,
You just described how I use to live. I was the only one in my family who didn't have a key made for my parents. I also use to dread anyone stopping by unannounced because my house was such a mess. Empty beer cans all over, dirty cloths all around, bed unmade, sink full of dishes so covered in rotting food and sludge that I actually had flies hatch in my sink. Yes that means maggots. I saw them. It was all because of my alcohol abuse and depression. The mess was so out of control that I just gave up and kept adding to it. Now. Alcohol is a depressent. I was depressed. I drank and got more depressed and went home to a filthy home and got more depressed so Id drink more beer and . . . . you see my point? Now I'm not saying that your apartment has ever gotten as bad as mine did but I will say this. My house and yard are now immaculate. Since I got sober I can't stand a dirty home. I'm actually heading down the road of O.C.D I'm so meticulous around my crib. It's spotless. I also found that I love being in my house now which helps when you are trying to stay out of the Bar scene. It's just taking that first step to break the cycle. Sounds like you've got enough to keep you occupied around the house right now. Pick one area of the apartment and clean it up good! If you have it in you start on another area if not select an area that you will clean tomorrow. Once you get an area clean KEEP it clean. When you finally get the place cleaned up you will feel a little better. It's a mental victory. The first thing that needs to go though is any alcohol. Do NOT keep a single drop. Run the hot water and pour it down the drain. Sure you could just jump in the car and make a run but at least it is not readily available to you. I feel you man. I didn't have numbness but I was a drunken mess. 10 - 20 beers a day or more for years. I couldn't tell you my last 24 hour period without alcohol until I got sober. I say do whatever you need to do to get to that meeting tonight. Open up and don't be embarrassed. You'd be surprised the stories us alcoholics can share with you. Good luck friend. Sending positivity your way.
You just described how I use to live. I was the only one in my family who didn't have a key made for my parents. I also use to dread anyone stopping by unannounced because my house was such a mess. Empty beer cans all over, dirty cloths all around, bed unmade, sink full of dishes so covered in rotting food and sludge that I actually had flies hatch in my sink. Yes that means maggots. I saw them. It was all because of my alcohol abuse and depression. The mess was so out of control that I just gave up and kept adding to it. Now. Alcohol is a depressent. I was depressed. I drank and got more depressed and went home to a filthy home and got more depressed so Id drink more beer and . . . . you see my point? Now I'm not saying that your apartment has ever gotten as bad as mine did but I will say this. My house and yard are now immaculate. Since I got sober I can't stand a dirty home. I'm actually heading down the road of O.C.D I'm so meticulous around my crib. It's spotless. I also found that I love being in my house now which helps when you are trying to stay out of the Bar scene. It's just taking that first step to break the cycle. Sounds like you've got enough to keep you occupied around the house right now. Pick one area of the apartment and clean it up good! If you have it in you start on another area if not select an area that you will clean tomorrow. Once you get an area clean KEEP it clean. When you finally get the place cleaned up you will feel a little better. It's a mental victory. The first thing that needs to go though is any alcohol. Do NOT keep a single drop. Run the hot water and pour it down the drain. Sure you could just jump in the car and make a run but at least it is not readily available to you. I feel you man. I didn't have numbness but I was a drunken mess. 10 - 20 beers a day or more for years. I couldn't tell you my last 24 hour period without alcohol until I got sober. I say do whatever you need to do to get to that meeting tonight. Open up and don't be embarrassed. You'd be surprised the stories us alcoholics can share with you. Good luck friend. Sending positivity your way.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
Take it slow, one day at a time. If you can, discuss this with your doctor because if he/she thinks you are in any danger of serious withdrawals, prescription meds will help you detox safely at home or you may be referred for inpatient detox. Fill your time with reading threads and posts on this site. Educate yourself as to what to expect during withdrawals. Drink plenty of water and Gatorade (electrolyte replacement) and small, easily digestible meals (broths are good). Once you get through the physical withdrawals, do some further reading on PAWS (post-acute withdrawal symptoms) so that you will be psychologically prepared for some emotional ups and downs over the next few months.
It is not easy, this is the fight of your life…this is the fight for your life, but it is possible and well worth the effort!
It is not easy, this is the fight of your life…this is the fight for your life, but it is possible and well worth the effort!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 62
Thank you, everyone. Honestly, I am already starting to feel quite a bit better after reading your replies and other threads on this site. There's a beginner's meeting tonight that's pretty close to me. I was silent at my two meetings yesterday, but I'm going to try to at least introduce myself tonight.
The numbness and stomach pain felt worse yesterday so I think I will feel better if I give myself some time. If none of it improves by tomorrow morning, I will take myself to the doctor. Thanks for the caring advice.
Hefner- Thanks so much for that story. It sounds exactly like my own. And I appreciate the advice. I've got a load of laundry in the wash now and I've started putting all of the empties into their boxes. Now I've got to try to sneak them out of my apartment to the recycling bins without my neighbors seeing me.
The numbness and stomach pain felt worse yesterday so I think I will feel better if I give myself some time. If none of it improves by tomorrow morning, I will take myself to the doctor. Thanks for the caring advice.
Hefner- Thanks so much for that story. It sounds exactly like my own. And I appreciate the advice. I've got a load of laundry in the wash now and I've started putting all of the empties into their boxes. Now I've got to try to sneak them out of my apartment to the recycling bins without my neighbors seeing me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 62
Originally Posted by Odelle 
Take it slow, one day at a time. If you can, discuss this with your doctor because if he/she thinks you are in any danger of serious withdrawals, prescription meds will help you detox safely at home or you may be referred for inpatient detox. Fill your time with reading threads and posts on this site. Educate yourself as to what to expect during withdrawals. Drink plenty of water and Gatorade (electrolyte replacement) and small, easily digestible meals (broths are good). Once you get through the physical withdrawals, do some further reading on PAWS (post-acute withdrawal symptoms) so that you will be psychologically prepared for some emotional ups and downs over the next few months.
It is not easy, this is the fight of your life…this is the fight for your life, but it is possible and well worth the effort!
It is not easy, this is the fight of your life…this is the fight for your life, but it is possible and well worth the effort!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 62
Well, day 2 is off to a better start than yesterday. I didn't sleep so well, though. I kept waking up and I had a pretty crazy dream. My legs feel better, so does my finger, and my stomach has improved but it's still feeling kind of gross. I'm continuing to drink water, I cooked a healthy breakfast (eggs,spinach,tomatoes,kale,carrots,and a piece of whole wheat toast), and I'm going to try to go for a jog once the breakfast settles.
More importantly though, I feel much less depressed and I think I owe a lot of it to everything that I've been reading on here. Aside from cleaning up the apartment after my latest drinking binge, I've spent the majority of the day yesterday on here reading.
Only on day 2, but I feel like I'm off to a good start.
More importantly though, I feel much less depressed and I think I owe a lot of it to everything that I've been reading on here. Aside from cleaning up the apartment after my latest drinking binge, I've spent the majority of the day yesterday on here reading.
Only on day 2, but I feel like I'm off to a good start.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
In early recovery, I felt a lot of pain I hadn't noticed before.... Apparently I was a lot more numb than I realized. Over time, these pains stopped. My body healed.
I moved into my apartment in January of 2011 and I got sober in May 2011. I "woke up" not only to a similar mess as yours, but I thought I had unpacked everything, yet I found a bunch of unpacked and untouched boxes of stuff! I never truly "moved in" to this place. Today, I live in a fairly nice apartment. Things Do Change over time.
Give yourself time. Give time time. Heal well.
We've put our bodies and brains through a lot more than we realized by drinking so much.
Hugs,
~SB
I moved into my apartment in January of 2011 and I got sober in May 2011. I "woke up" not only to a similar mess as yours, but I thought I had unpacked everything, yet I found a bunch of unpacked and untouched boxes of stuff! I never truly "moved in" to this place. Today, I live in a fairly nice apartment. Things Do Change over time.
Give yourself time. Give time time. Heal well.
We've put our bodies and brains through a lot more than we realized by drinking so much.
Hugs,
~SB
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Keep going to the meetings and you'll continue to be "off to a good start".
Get a sponsor and tell the oldtimers how you are feeling. They'll guide you through the process.
Don't let feeling better physically trick you into thinking you're "cured" ... this is a multi layer disease and quitting drinking is just the start.
Welcome to the tables. The AA convention was in HI a few years ago and many of my friends attended.
All the best.
Bob R
Get a sponsor and tell the oldtimers how you are feeling. They'll guide you through the process.
Don't let feeling better physically trick you into thinking you're "cured" ... this is a multi layer disease and quitting drinking is just the start.
Welcome to the tables. The AA convention was in HI a few years ago and many of my friends attended.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 62
Thank you sugarbear. I appreciate it. I think you're right that with time it will get easier. I've told myself several times in the past that I just needed to cut down or take a break, but this is the first time I've ever decided that I really need to just quit once and for all. I can't drink responsibly. I've proven that time and time again. I'm going to give myself some time (at least a week or so) and then check in with a doctor to see if I've done any permanent damage to myself. Right now I'm just still detoxing or "drying out" so I'd expect what I'm feeling now.
I'm just going to keep coming back here everyday. Reading my first post makes it really hit home how badly I need to quit. As long as I always remember how I felt yesterday, I think it will be a bit easier to stick with sobriety.
I'm just going to keep coming back here everyday. Reading my first post makes it really hit home how badly I need to quit. As long as I always remember how I felt yesterday, I think it will be a bit easier to stick with sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 62
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
Keep going to the meetings and you'll continue to be "off to a good start".
Get a sponsor and tell the oldtimers how you are feeling. They'll guide you through the process.
Don't let feeling better physically trick you into thinking you're "cured" ... this is a multi layer disease and quitting drinking is just the start.
Welcome to the tables. The AA convention was in HI a few years ago and many of my friends attended.
All the best.
Bob R
Get a sponsor and tell the oldtimers how you are feeling. They'll guide you through the process.
Don't let feeling better physically trick you into thinking you're "cured" ... this is a multi layer disease and quitting drinking is just the start.
Welcome to the tables. The AA convention was in HI a few years ago and many of my friends attended.
All the best.
Bob R
And that's great advice about not letting myself be convinced that I am cured. I know exactly what you mean and that's why I plan to read that first post everyday. Maybe more times a day if I need to. I don't want to improve myself, but I don't want to forget how bad I felt when I was drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 62
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
If you can, join us in the chat room some time!!
Glad you found SR!
Glad you found SR!
Doing Business Since 11/3/2012
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,143
Originally Posted by UnseenLight
...As long as I always remember how I felt yesterday, I think it will be a bit easier to stick with sobriety.
Welcome and good job getting this far. One day at a time. It's worth it.
My brain is trying to kill me
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Palo Alto, ca
Posts: 401
Welcome! Sober Recovery is a fantastic tool to keep your recovery on track. Please feel free to join in the chat room, everyone is supportive, and a bit goofy. Collect all the tools available for your sobriety, and learn to use them in a way that works, FOR YOU. My tool box includes AA, spirituality as I see it, journaling, reading, SR.com, online AA, fellowship, meditation, friends with the same goals and perspective, and a supportive family. Oh, and dogs & cats too. Never be fooled into believing you can do this alone; only about 1% can, if that. Keep Coming Back, IT WORKS!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 6
Hello UnseenLight,
Congratulations on your choice for the journey of sobriety! I understand how you are feeling. Today is my Day 1 and I took myself to my first voluntary AA meeting with the acceptance that I am an alcoholic. Like you, I spent many years telling myself I just needed a break or I could control myself with a "drink limit." I've now outwardly admitted this is not true. I lose all control after that first drink.
It feels nice to know I'm not alone in the start of my journey.
Thank you.
Congratulations on your choice for the journey of sobriety! I understand how you are feeling. Today is my Day 1 and I took myself to my first voluntary AA meeting with the acceptance that I am an alcoholic. Like you, I spent many years telling myself I just needed a break or I could control myself with a "drink limit." I've now outwardly admitted this is not true. I lose all control after that first drink.
It feels nice to know I'm not alone in the start of my journey.
Thank you.
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