UnseenLight

Thank you for all of the encouraging words. I feel somewhat relieved just to finally admit that I have this problem. I've heard that the first step to recovery is admitting that I have a problem, and now that I've done that I can at least start working on bettering myself. For myself and everything in my life that deserves my sober attention.

UnseenLight

It's a terrible way to live. Congratulations to you too, and thank you. It does feel good to have someone else in your corner. It sounds like you're off to a good start, so keep it up. A lot of people here really seem to know what they're talking about when it comes to getting well. There's personal stories, medical information, and most importantly people who actually care. I haven't been here for long, but I'm really liking the place so far.

Hevyn

Hi UnseenLight. I somehow missed your post last night. I'm so glad you feel that SR will be helpful. I loved it right away, and it was so important to not feel alone anymore. Up until I came here, I'd struggled all by myself since no one had any sympathy or understanding for what I was going through.

You sound ready to get free of the hold alcohol has on you. It feel so good to finally be rid of it and begin to live with a clear head. I can't believe I ever thought it was a way to cope. We're happy to have you here - congratulations on making this life changing decision.

UnseenLight

Yeah, none of my family or friends live here in Hawaii so it's nice to have SR and AA meetings as ways to connect with some positive influences. Thanks, I really feel ready to get myself sober. I know it won't be easy, but I agree with everyone else who says "It's worth it". I know it will be.

Hefner

Well I just got home from work and thought I'd see how you were doing. Day 2 brother! Alright man! Looks like you started cleaning up. I neglected to mention that while I was " digging out " aka cleaning my house it kept my hands and my thoughts occupied so it really helped during those first few crucial days. I'm really pulling for you man. You sound so much like me and I wish that I could just show you how much my situation was like yours. Just want you to know that when you start to question things or doubt that you can make it I did the same thing. You got this! I'm gonna keep popping in and seeing how you are doing.

UnseenLight

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it. I feel the same way about the cleaning being helpful. Cleaning and just keeping myself occupied has been helping so far. My apartment looks a lot better. I still have some empties, but they're rinsed out and put in their boxes. I'm sneaking them out at random times to try to avoid any judgement from the neighbors but they'll all be gone soon enough. I also ran a bunch of errands yesterday that included getting myself registered for my summer classes. I'm a full time student by the way and summer semester classes are 5 days a week so I should be extra busy when next month rolls around. Anyway, it's nice to have someone to relate to. I remember your first comment about your own apartment made me feel better. I don't think I know anyone personally who would understand. I'll keep posting a day to day log of my recovery for at least the first few days or weeks. Thanks for checking in. I believe I can do it too.

UnseenLight

Just starting day 3 today! My sleep last night was even worse than the night before. I found myself sleeping for about 2 hours then I was either wide awake or in some kind of weird dozing off stage where the clock read about 20 minutes later than the last time I looked. That continued until I had to drag myself out of bed. Despite that, I don't feel too exhausted or anything but I have a feeling that will hit me sometime this afternoon. I'll avoid a nap after school and try to save it all up and hopefully get a good night of sleep. Thankfully though, that's the only thing that hasn't improved so far. I think it's going to be a good day.

ScottFromWI

The sleep definitely takes time to recover, just like everything. I've gone through it twice now (quitting that is) and the first week was the worst sleepwise. Having said that, even crappy on and off sober sleep is better for you than passing out drunk and waking up hung over! Welcome to SR and best of luck on your upcoming day 3.

Pamel

UnseenLight, your post(s) have really gotten to my soul.

A bit about me: I have been trying to accept the idea of being "an alcoholic" for a long time now (since 1974 exactly) and in that time I have had: 13 years sober then 1-1-1 more or less, then 21) and I STILL DRANK AGAIN!! Back to 2 months, but I am so very grateful for all those sober years! At least I built a life. Going back to drinking is to get "reverse boy scout badges". You do all the "gets": 2 DWIs, Numerous almost losing family, lots of bad decisions,...all crammed into those few years of drinking.

Logic would tell you to stay sober, right? But logic plays no part in this, With the first drink, you have triggered a chemical, biological process which tells you: "One more won't hurt" and so on.

You are far from unique. You have a dis-ease (I have never been able to stomach the disease idea) but coming from the world of science, I CAN tell you that the same thing that lets you get out of bed in the morning and walk without thinking is the same thing that is now a "learned" pathway in your brain that says: "HEY, I know this route- take one and keep on drinking."

BUT, this "learned" behavior, exacerbated by a predilection to alcohol, will lead you to a place (think death) that you do not want to be. ...so...

Congratulations on Day 3!! Beware, this is a daily (not battle) but reprieve.Treat it thus.
Hello Pamel!! Read what you wrote LOL, Pamel

Odelle

UnseenLight, yes the sleep issues during the first few weeks…very normal. Try to take that afternoon nap instead of holding off until evening; it will help to recharge your body and brain. Sleep is so erratic in early recovery, there is no guarantee that it will come when you are ready, so do nap when you can. It sounds like you have a good plan in place to lead you to a happy and fulfilling future! You can do this, one day at a time!

veryready

That will be a good feeling. It took me a few weeks to unload all my hidden bottles and then I still found a few. Not to mention dirty shot glasses that were scattered about. It was a great feeling once I realized that there was not a single empty stashed anywhere.

As far as posting goes, don't limit yourself to a few days or weeks of posting. This is SR. You can post everyday for the rest of your life if that helps you. The posts you make help others as well, like myself.

Hefner

Good job man! Day 3. Once you get that sleep under control why don't you try and get up before sunrise and head down to the beach. You live in Hawaii for Pete's sakes! Not gonna get spiritual on you, I haven't been to Church in years, but I do pray every night and thank God for my sobriety. I work in Aviation and am often able to catch spectacular sunsets. I try and take a moment to witness just how beautiful it really is. I also reflect on my life and how positive it has become again. Watch that Hawaiian Sunrise or Sunset. Listen to those waves crash against the shore and think about your life. Youve got a lot to be thankful for and sobriety will just be another thing that you can be proud of. Pulling for you brother!

Hefner

OH! And Juice or Koolaide! Lol. Lots and lots of Juice and or Koolaide. I choose sugar free drinks but heres my point. We get pretty use to having that bottle or glass in our hands around the house. I found that Juice or Fruit Drinks can help fill that void. I don't even drink it much anymore. I consider it kinda like taking the training wheels off of my bike. Lol. I'll say a lot of stupid things so get use to it. But DON'T be fooled into non alcoholic beer. I'm sure it's crossed your mind. I believe it is the surest way, other than trying to moderate, to relapse. When a Crack Addict is trying to get clean they don't use Crack Lite or Diet Crack do they? See my point? Plus trust me when I tell you that N.A 's just aren't Sam Adams. I did try them before I actually quit drinking, a sad attempt to " only drink at the bar and drink O'Douls at home." uh . . . . No. Hope some of this helps and remember that although no 2 stories of addiction are identical, some do hit close to home. I'm here for ya.

UnseenLight

Thanks. I totally agree about it still being better than waking up hungover. The morning before my day 1 (Would that be my day zero?), I woke up with what was probably the worst hangover ever. I proceeded to drink my last few beers in my wrapped up in blankets while shivering beneath 2 blankets. Considering I live in Hawaii, that's pretty ridiculous. I barely even need 1 thin blanket here. That evening I went to those first 2 AA meetings and the following morning was when I wrote that first post. Each morning so far has been a million times better than that.

UnseenLight

I'm very happy to see that you like my posts and that they have helped you in some way. Yours definitely helps me too. That's what's so great about this site. Everybody helps everybody else no matter if they have several years of sobriety, 1 day, or even if they just relapsed that day. I agree about it not being as logical as it sounds. I remember reading somewhere (either a post on here or another site) that "It's simple, but not easy". But I know if I just work at it one day at a time, I can do it. Thank you and congrats on your 2 months!

UnseenLight

Thank you! I didn't take that nap, but you have a good point. I took care of some extra business after school, though. I decided to meet with my academic adviser and planned out my remaining semesters until graduation.

UnseenLight

Thanks. I know it will feel better too. I have some fancy cocktail, wine, and champagne glasses too that I guess I'll donate to the Good Will. It might take me a few weeks to unload everything too, but I'll keep working at it.

Also, I'll take your advice about the posting. Each one I write and each one I read makes me feel good so that's some good advice. Thanks.

UnseenLight

Thanks, I'll definitely do that. I've been going to the beach a lot since I've been here but it was usually to drink while BBQing or I'd just go swimming and follow it with drinking. I normally drank at night and every 2 weeks or so go on some 3-4 day binge where I"m drinking in the morning too. I think I'll be able to appreciate the island's beauty a lot more now. I'm actually going to go there on Saturday.

And thanks for the advice about juice and kool aid. I'm drinking a diet coke right now. I normally only drink either booze or water. I would go a few days without drinking sometimes and I would do relatively healthy things. Go hiking, eat healthy, drink water but then I go on a binge and suddenly I'm not moving from the couch and filling my face with fast food and pizza. 2 different sides, just like a coin. I was in the Army and I used to drink NA beer while I was in Iraq. We called it "near beer". And I think that would be counter productive to my sobriety too. I'll stick with my water, diet soda, and juice. Thanks again, man. Day 3 is almost over and it's been a good day. I hope your day was great too!

Hefner

Thank you for your service!

Sasha4

Hi Unseen

I know how you feel about a clean house and empties and mess.
Tackle it one room at a time.
Get the windows open, let lots of fresh air in.
Boil kettles of hot water and clean with water as hot as possible.
I try and do one job a day in my home so I keep on top of it.

I'm sure when your surroundings are clean you will feel better.

Don't worry about the sleep, it will come.
Maybe try a warm milky drink on a night time, that might help.
You won't die from lack of sleep. You can die from too much drink.

Keep going, you are doing amazing my friend!