When i first started posting here
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis 
My husband and I did have a discussion last night. We just need him to get some holiday hours up so I can go.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
He does now after reading one of my posts on here yesterday. He did not know until then nor did he know I am snorting it. I don't tend to use much codeine until he gets home, just take valium all day and small amount of codeine.
Its not an urgency thing, its just a time thing. He used all his holidays when our daughter was having her surgeries.
Its not an urgency thing, its just a time thing. He used all his holidays when our daughter was having her surgeries.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pittsburgh Pa
Posts: 35
MLC,
I thank you for your honesty in the posts you are sharing. I myself am struggling to get clean from my relapse on heroin after over 2 years clean. I can relate to a lot of how you are feeling and your past issues that are influencing your use and interactions with family. I am not in a good place to give advice, but I will follow this thread and offer support when possible.
You can do this, stay strong
I thank you for your honesty in the posts you are sharing. I myself am struggling to get clean from my relapse on heroin after over 2 years clean. I can relate to a lot of how you are feeling and your past issues that are influencing your use and interactions with family. I am not in a good place to give advice, but I will follow this thread and offer support when possible.
You can do this, stay strong
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Hi MLC
I don't know how things are in Aus but could your husband take some sick time or carer's leave or even urgent unpaid leave. I know in the UK these are options. Perhaps he doesn't realize the urgency of the situation. Things can't go on as they are and will only get worse. Is he aware you are in no fit state to care for your children as things stand? I'm not being harsh and do care about you and am very worried for you. How does he think he is going to work and take care of the children if you are arrested or in hospital not through your own free will or dead? It's a real possibility your children will be removed from your care if nothing changes. Please impress on him the urgency of the situation. Of course his income is important,I'm not trying to say it isn't but truthfully your health and welfare and that of your children has to take priority. I hope you do something.xx
I don't know how things are in Aus but could your husband take some sick time or carer's leave or even urgent unpaid leave. I know in the UK these are options. Perhaps he doesn't realize the urgency of the situation. Things can't go on as they are and will only get worse. Is he aware you are in no fit state to care for your children as things stand? I'm not being harsh and do care about you and am very worried for you. How does he think he is going to work and take care of the children if you are arrested or in hospital not through your own free will or dead? It's a real possibility your children will be removed from your care if nothing changes. Please impress on him the urgency of the situation. Of course his income is important,I'm not trying to say it isn't but truthfully your health and welfare and that of your children has to take priority. I hope you do something.xx
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
Good luck empirio
Readyatlast - he does realize, he didn't want to go to work today because he is so worried. HE took all possible leave last year, family leave, holidays, etc and he can't take unpaid leave, we have no savings. The kids need to eat. I'm pulling the valium back to about 50 and going to rely on panadol to deal with the heachaches. I'm not going to take any codeine except at night.
Readyatlast - he does realize, he didn't want to go to work today because he is so worried. HE took all possible leave last year, family leave, holidays, etc and he can't take unpaid leave, we have no savings. The kids need to eat. I'm pulling the valium back to about 50 and going to rely on panadol to deal with the heachaches. I'm not going to take any codeine except at night.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Midlife,
I'm hardly one to preach (given I'm trying - and still failing - to get out of a recent drinking relapse). But I hear so well your anxieties about the whole income thing, what with all those kids, hubby having already taken so much time off, and impact on your business from the floods.
Having said that: have you ever simply taken the time and effort for you and hubby to go to wherever your nearest Centrelink office is, and to speak to the social worker there about this dilemma? [And yes, I realise you live out in the bush. I've lived in the bush too. In that scenario, we take time to call them, wait in the damn queue, and make the appointment by phone].
I'm by NO MEANS A FAN of Centrelink - the evil empire :-). I've been a client of theirs on and off over many years, and am now, on a disability pension. I also used to work in government agencies, also for many years, and I do get how nightmarish their bureaucracies can be.
But I do know that - even when their eligibility criteria seems impassable, based on partner's income, etc etc: if you, your hubby and (preferably) another professional such as your doctor or similar ALL push for some means of relief from your dilemma, you may be surprised to get some result.
I only say all this because I so feel for you and your family. But also: I've had to battle my way through several out of home detoxes, and numerous other frightful life situations, entirely on my own. I mean: on my own. With all manner of intractable mental, physical and financial obstacles. All these things still are pretty much in play for me.
What I'm encouraging to you is: you have a husband. Your posts of the past few months seem to say (I say 'seem') that he's kind of in the background, just going to work to provide for you and the kids, and so on. He's no doubt under massive stress himself. Or more likely: he's under massive stress, trying to cope and is somehow NOT stepping up to take some kind of action. That happens.
I'm not going to ask the pat question people ask me and so many others: 'do you reallllly want to be free of these habits / addictions?' Often, we aren't. I thought I was, even this morning (Melb time). But picked up and drank. So I'm not at all saying I don't understand the push-pull of addiction.
But all I'm saying is: given your repeated insistence that you do want to get some away-from-home medical live-in help to detox, properly.....BUT the finances with kids are too hard. Consider my suggestion above. Just consider it.
I'm hardly one to preach (given I'm trying - and still failing - to get out of a recent drinking relapse). But I hear so well your anxieties about the whole income thing, what with all those kids, hubby having already taken so much time off, and impact on your business from the floods.
Having said that: have you ever simply taken the time and effort for you and hubby to go to wherever your nearest Centrelink office is, and to speak to the social worker there about this dilemma? [And yes, I realise you live out in the bush. I've lived in the bush too. In that scenario, we take time to call them, wait in the damn queue, and make the appointment by phone].
I'm by NO MEANS A FAN of Centrelink - the evil empire :-). I've been a client of theirs on and off over many years, and am now, on a disability pension. I also used to work in government agencies, also for many years, and I do get how nightmarish their bureaucracies can be.
But I do know that - even when their eligibility criteria seems impassable, based on partner's income, etc etc: if you, your hubby and (preferably) another professional such as your doctor or similar ALL push for some means of relief from your dilemma, you may be surprised to get some result.
I only say all this because I so feel for you and your family. But also: I've had to battle my way through several out of home detoxes, and numerous other frightful life situations, entirely on my own. I mean: on my own. With all manner of intractable mental, physical and financial obstacles. All these things still are pretty much in play for me.
What I'm encouraging to you is: you have a husband. Your posts of the past few months seem to say (I say 'seem') that he's kind of in the background, just going to work to provide for you and the kids, and so on. He's no doubt under massive stress himself. Or more likely: he's under massive stress, trying to cope and is somehow NOT stepping up to take some kind of action. That happens.
I'm not going to ask the pat question people ask me and so many others: 'do you reallllly want to be free of these habits / addictions?' Often, we aren't. I thought I was, even this morning (Melb time). But picked up and drank. So I'm not at all saying I don't understand the push-pull of addiction.
But all I'm saying is: given your repeated insistence that you do want to get some away-from-home medical live-in help to detox, properly.....BUT the finances with kids are too hard. Consider my suggestion above. Just consider it.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
I had just considered that we wouldn't be eligible for any allowance from centrelink being a double income family, or any that would come close to paying the bills. I can see though. Im happy to wait on the phone.
My husband it standing by me. He knows all the truth now and he is so worried. HE is not at all in the background, he stays up reading about what he can do to help plus putting 5 kids to bed when I'm alsleep, praying for me, doing all he can. He is under huge stress. He works with violent or suicidal people and domestic violence situatiions everyday at work....then comes home to me
I am not sure if I want to be free because I don't know any different. What I do know is that I never want to be in that dark and suicidal place again
My husband it standing by me. He knows all the truth now and he is so worried. HE is not at all in the background, he stays up reading about what he can do to help plus putting 5 kids to bed when I'm alsleep, praying for me, doing all he can. He is under huge stress. He works with violent or suicidal people and domestic violence situatiions everyday at work....then comes home to me
I am not sure if I want to be free because I don't know any different. What I do know is that I never want to be in that dark and suicidal place again
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
A few other things MLC:
I've often thought about your situation with not only being in the bush, so far from everything, but also the floods. [Please try to bear with me, as another Aussie].
I can't recall how far back your particular floods were from your posts. But I do know, from my previous work - and life- in regional areas (Gippsland) how much the seemingly repeated events of major fires and floods truly affect anyone's capacity for coping.
I followed the Queensland floods (and yes, there have been several major events in only the past couple of years). I experienced the many Gippsland floods, as well as the Gippsland fires of Black Saturday 2009, not to mention many times beforehand.
This factor is easily dismissed by people who have not been involved in such things. When you're dealing with all the stuff you've talked about AS WELL. Well, the ongoing, long term effects of post traumatic stress come to mind.... I think you know that. For yourself, your husband, and your kids. And your community, come to that.
Just my thoughts, as a fellow Aussie (um) 'girl' :-)
I've often thought about your situation with not only being in the bush, so far from everything, but also the floods. [Please try to bear with me, as another Aussie].
I can't recall how far back your particular floods were from your posts. But I do know, from my previous work - and life- in regional areas (Gippsland) how much the seemingly repeated events of major fires and floods truly affect anyone's capacity for coping.
I followed the Queensland floods (and yes, there have been several major events in only the past couple of years). I experienced the many Gippsland floods, as well as the Gippsland fires of Black Saturday 2009, not to mention many times beforehand.
This factor is easily dismissed by people who have not been involved in such things. When you're dealing with all the stuff you've talked about AS WELL. Well, the ongoing, long term effects of post traumatic stress come to mind.... I think you know that. For yourself, your husband, and your kids. And your community, come to that.
Just my thoughts, as a fellow Aussie (um) 'girl' :-)
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
Originally Posted by bemyself
A few other things MLC:
I've often thought about your situation with not only being in the bush, so far from everything, but also the floods. [Please try to bear with me, as another Aussie].
I can't recall how far back your particular floods were from your posts. But I do know, from my previous work - and life- in regional areas (Gippsland) how much the seemingly repeated events of major fires and floods truly affect anyone's capacity for coping.
I followed the Queensland floods (and yes, there have been several major events in only the past couple of years). I experienced the many Gippsland floods, as well as the Gippsland fires of Black Saturday 2009, not to mention many times beforehand.
This factor is easily dismissed by people who have not been involved in such things. When you're dealing with all the stuff you've talked about AS WELL. Well, the ongoing, long term effects of post traumatic stress come to mind.... I think you know that. For yourself, your husband, and your kids. And your community, come to that.
Just my thoughts, as a fellow Aussie (um) 'girl' :-)
I've often thought about your situation with not only being in the bush, so far from everything, but also the floods. [Please try to bear with me, as another Aussie].
I can't recall how far back your particular floods were from your posts. But I do know, from my previous work - and life- in regional areas (Gippsland) how much the seemingly repeated events of major fires and floods truly affect anyone's capacity for coping.
I followed the Queensland floods (and yes, there have been several major events in only the past couple of years). I experienced the many Gippsland floods, as well as the Gippsland fires of Black Saturday 2009, not to mention many times beforehand.
This factor is easily dismissed by people who have not been involved in such things. When you're dealing with all the stuff you've talked about AS WELL. Well, the ongoing, long term effects of post traumatic stress come to mind.... I think you know that. For yourself, your husband, and your kids. And your community, come to that.
Just my thoughts, as a fellow Aussie (um) 'girl' :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
So glad you're online MLC (given most of our northern hemisphere friends are blessedly asleep).
Yeh. 'Seeking help' is one thing. Then, doing it - picking up that phone - especially with '1984'-style menus and things - quite another :-).
Anyway, when you do pick it up - and wait in that phone queue - may I suggest (depending on what state you're in), keep asking to speak to someone in the social work area of Centrelink. They kind of keep everyone hidden behind phone menus these days, as you probably know. Just become slightly robotic :-) and keep insisting that you want to speak to a social worker.
You can be insistent, I feel. :-) And don't worry about your inner voices telling you this or that. Just try to do this one thing, and see what happens.
I'm no angel promising anything at all. Just would be rapt and interested to hear if you can follow this important possibility to the end(i.e. seeing if you guys can get some help to stop this awful and damaging cycle you're currently in).
PS you could also try calling the community services line of your local government. As I don't know where you live in Q'land, I can't even work out how accessible that is or might be. But I do know, that we CAN get through to people who can actually help with childcare, social work services, etc etc etc.
Don't let the so called double income thing faze you. You don't have two incomes now. Plus, you have 5 kids. Some family benefit money happening there, surely? {you don't have to answer - but I think you know I'm just working it out in my own mind; you guys deserve to have some help}.
Anyway, I'm not here - nor anyone on SR - to work out your finances. You simply need to access some help. Right now. After all these months. Please try, luvvie. You're a citizen, and there are entitlements...lurking there for you!
Yeh. 'Seeking help' is one thing. Then, doing it - picking up that phone - especially with '1984'-style menus and things - quite another :-).
Anyway, when you do pick it up - and wait in that phone queue - may I suggest (depending on what state you're in), keep asking to speak to someone in the social work area of Centrelink. They kind of keep everyone hidden behind phone menus these days, as you probably know. Just become slightly robotic :-) and keep insisting that you want to speak to a social worker.
You can be insistent, I feel. :-) And don't worry about your inner voices telling you this or that. Just try to do this one thing, and see what happens.
I'm no angel promising anything at all. Just would be rapt and interested to hear if you can follow this important possibility to the end(i.e. seeing if you guys can get some help to stop this awful and damaging cycle you're currently in).
PS you could also try calling the community services line of your local government. As I don't know where you live in Q'land, I can't even work out how accessible that is or might be. But I do know, that we CAN get through to people who can actually help with childcare, social work services, etc etc etc.
Don't let the so called double income thing faze you. You don't have two incomes now. Plus, you have 5 kids. Some family benefit money happening there, surely? {you don't have to answer - but I think you know I'm just working it out in my own mind; you guys deserve to have some help}.
Anyway, I'm not here - nor anyone on SR - to work out your finances. You simply need to access some help. Right now. After all these months. Please try, luvvie. You're a citizen, and there are entitlements...lurking there for you!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
I'll give it a go. As far as family benefit, not much due to the double income thing, it's tough because its worked out annualy and I have 4 (in this case 8) months with NO income.
I don't know about the community services thing but hubby would as that is who he works for
I don't particularly want anyone who isn't me or my hubby looking after our kids I went to a school that was run by a p.ae.do.ph.il.e ring and was sexually abused as a child myself so there are issues there. I just want my husband to be able to look after them. Our youngest goes to no form of childcare and the next one up only goes 2 days. Then there's ballet exams, cross country, camps, youth groups, etc.
I know that most people on here think I am making excuses. I'm not in denial. I have a problem that is getting worse. I slept from 5pm yesterday - 8am this morning with the exception of waking up to take in the middle of the night. I just need to manage until hubby can have time off or I can get some assistance as you say. THanks
I don't know about the community services thing but hubby would as that is who he works for
I don't particularly want anyone who isn't me or my hubby looking after our kids I went to a school that was run by a p.ae.do.ph.il.e ring and was sexually abused as a child myself so there are issues there. I just want my husband to be able to look after them. Our youngest goes to no form of childcare and the next one up only goes 2 days. Then there's ballet exams, cross country, camps, youth groups, etc. I know that most people on here think I am making excuses. I'm not in denial. I have a problem that is getting worse. I slept from 5pm yesterday - 8am this morning with the exception of waking up to take in the middle of the night. I just need to manage until hubby can have time off or I can get some assistance as you say. THanks
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
