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Old 04-03-2013, 07:43 PM
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mid, yer posts here are really concerning to me and i hope you can go back though them and see the insanity. snorting benzos: is that how they are prescribed? i dont know much about prescription drugs, but havent seen a benzo label that read,"snort one as prescribed." one other thing i know is that snorting benzos is illegal. if ya dont think it is, go snort it in front of a cop.
please!!! for you, get help!!! wheres GOD been through this??? HE loves you and wants you to be happy joyous and free!!! snorting benzos isnt free!!
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Old 04-03-2013, 08:08 PM
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It doesn't really say how to take them on the bottle . Nah i know it's not right. I just find it hard to stop doing it that way now more and more.

It's so weird tomsteve. I feel god has been using me even through all of my sin. Some great things have happened. That song that says 'how many times have I broken your heart but still you forgive if only I ask' makes me cry everytime. I keep failing him. I even have forgiven tattooed on my forearm and think one day I'll wake up and it will be gone.

It's funny people say how insane my posts are when I feel the most sane I have in years. I must e really delusional.
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Old 04-03-2013, 08:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
It doesn't really say how to take them on the bottle . Nah i know it's not right. I just find it hard to stop doing it that way now more and more.

It's so weird tomsteve. I feel god has been using me even through all of my sin. Some great things have happened. That song that says 'how many times have I broken your heart but still you forgive if only I ask' makes me cry everytime. I keep failing him. I even have forgiven tattooed on my forearm and think one day I'll wake up and it will be gone.

It's funny people say how insane my posts are when I feel the most sane I have in years. I must e really delusional.

welp, saying it doesnt say on the bottle how to take em, but snorting em, IMO, is rationalization- a polite form of insanity.
im not saying you dont need the benzos. many poeple( including myself) really do have chemical imbalances and mental problems requiring medication.
im on an anti depressant. what would be yer response if i said i was snorting or smokin them?
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Old 04-03-2013, 08:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Jeni26 View Post
It is the biggest regret of my life. And the one I'm trying the hardest to put right.

Those years have gone for me now. My kids are now young adults.

Yours are still young enough to 'get you back'.

Good luck to you MLC-I really hope you can turn this thing around xxx
Thanks Jeni, me 2.
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Old 04-03-2013, 08:31 PM
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What I heard Mid, was that you are sleeping a little to much. When I was abusing benzos I thought I was awake more than I was.
Thing is, I didn't even know what day it was. My husband said I was always in a stupor and passed out most of the time.I was also in this insane cycle of obsessively counting my pills every day every hour looking at the calender to see how many I would have left and then all over again.

Are you neglecting your children? If we asked your husband would he give the same answer? Mid you need help now. Those children need a mother. A mother who is wide awake.
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Old 04-03-2013, 08:35 PM
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Sorry. What do you mean I am sleeping too much.

I know my kids need a mother. I don't think I've ever been great at it as Muxh as I love them, it scares me. The love scares me.

My husband tells me I'm a good mum, but I do fall asleep too early and struggle to get out of bed. They aren't neglected I can assure you. I promise that. Maybe emotionally a little. Anyone looking from the outside would see a loving, altogether, happy, well dressed family with well behaved kidS. they win everything at school, never jn trouble, always clean. i feel bad I am always letting them down by backing away from that closeness.
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Old 04-03-2013, 08:48 PM
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Mmmmm I am probably lying around in a stupor a little too much to be completely honest. I can't sleep during the day unless my 2 year old and 4 year old do. I drink lots of coffee to stay awake.
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Old 04-03-2013, 08:51 PM
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can ya explain what ya mean by the love scares ya?
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Old 04-03-2013, 08:54 PM
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Hmmmm. I dunno. I fear closeness. I fear intimate conversation but at the same tkme crave it. I never learnt it. I learned very early on (age 7) to keep secrets and be emotionally distant. Then as a teen love was, well, you know, with boys . Not healthy. I love my kids so Mucknit freaks me out. Hard to explain. Maybe I never felt loved like that.
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Old 04-03-2013, 08:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
Mmmmm I am probably lying around in a stupor a little too much to be completely honest. I can't sleep during the day unless my 2 year old and 4 year old do. I drink lots of coffee to stay awake.
now look at that! yer honestly lookin at this and seein the effects! good on ya!!! now we're getting somewhere!
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:00 PM
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Thanks Tomsteve. I'm not really in denial about having a prob. I've known for a long tkme I'm an addict. Just the solution seems to allude me.
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
Hmmmm. I dunno. I fear closeness. I fear intimate conversation but at the same tkme crave it. I never learnt it. I learned very early on (age 7) to keep secrets and be emotionally distant. Then as a teen love was, well, you know, with boys . Not healthy. I love my kids so Mucknit freaks me out. Hard to explain. Maybe I never felt loved like that.
well, look at it this way: yer gettin a lil intimate with us and openng up some. good on ya again!!
fear intimate conversations; maybe fear of what others may think?

i never learned how to communicate until i got into recovery. well, i did know how to communicate, but it was more the drunken sailor communication.
the only way i leanred( and am still learning) is by practicing.i had ot start somewhere

actually, ya said prolly more than ya realize right here.
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
Thanks Tomsteve. I'm not really in denial about having a prob. I've known for a long tkme I'm an addict. Just the solution seems to allude me.
The solution is to stop using. And stop making up excuses to postpone quitting. We can't help you until you do that.
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
Thanks Tomsteve. I'm not really in denial about having a prob. I've known for a long tkme I'm an addict. Just the solution seems to allude me.
welp, i think that 1st yer gonna have to want a solution. then be willing to put in the footwork. but i can gurantee ya that whatever solution ya use, the footwork to get clean will be worth every second.

i went back and read some of yer threads/posts. ya had some really sane, sound, serene times. what i see ya were doin then was prayin to God, reading the bible, goin to bible study, goint o sunday service, talkin with yer pastor, and i think i read goin to meetings?
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:09 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
The solution is to stop using. And stop making up excuses to postpone quitting. We can't help you until you do that.
it sure would be great if it was as simple as stop using. i cant count the number of times people had told me i had to do that and how many time i told myself that,too. it didnt work.
i personally wont stop helping someone that is reaching out.
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:17 PM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post

it sure would be great if it was as simple as stop using. i cant count the number of times people had told me i had to do that and how many time i told myself that,too. it didnt work.
i personally wont stop helping someone that is reaching out.
Thankyou
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:23 PM
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mid, i wasnt a pll popper myself. welllll, cept for the last year or so. got a love affair for vicodins. but one thing i have leanred through seeing many,many,many addicts is that that monkey aint the easiest thing to get off yer back. but it can be doneif ya want it!. then after its off yer back, ya can kill the lil bastaad!! ill help even!

i havent met ya in person and only know ya from what ya type here, but i know for a fact yer not a bad person( bad people wouldnt have remorse/regrets for their actions). yer just sick. yer worht every effort you put into it because you are somebody worthwhile because God dont make junk and yer a child of God!!!
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:24 PM
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back in a minute. i gotta craving for chocolate and no chocolate in my house!
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:35 PM
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mid, when ya get up and get on here, if noone had told ya they love yet today, let me be the 1st:
i love ya and so does God!
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Old 04-03-2013, 10:21 PM
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Thanks again tomsteve. I need to do this I know. Only through god. Lol chocolate.
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