The day I chose to get sober.....
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Spokane
Posts: 66
The day I chose to get sober.....
I LOVE to write. I have kept a journal forever and the night I wrote this entry I had just gotten my babies and I kicked out of our last place.
Long story short but this old man was one of my dealers. He wanted to go on road trips and asked if I would watch his house for him while he was gone. It was a HUGE 5 bedroom house and he supplied me with all the drugs I wanted while I watched his house. His last trip he was supposed to be leaving February 18th. The night before he made advances at me after my babies were asleep and told me if I had sex with him, he would give me all the pills I wanted but if I didn't that he was cutting me off.
I snapped on him, called my in law from a previous marriage parentals crying and telling them I needed out of here. They said to pack mine and my babies stuff and they would be there the next day to get us under ONE condition. I had to get clean. I had hit rock bottom and was TIRED of f'ing PILLS. Always thinking about them, them controlling what kind of day I would have, withdrawals over and over and over. A 70 year old man trying to get me to have sex with him for stupid PILLS!!!!
So I went into my room my last night there, my beautiful little babies all snuggled up in my bed sound asleep and I wrote this:
February 17th 2013
Today is the day. My last day of opiates. I am done letting them ruin my life. I'm done letting them hold me and my babies back. I'm done being labeled as a "drug addict." I am freeing myself of my addiction. I am freeing myself of the pain, humility, saddness and poverty. God please give me the strength to get through this. I have no other chouice anymore but to get clean. I have deprived my babies of stability. I have deprived them of the best Mommy I can be and that they deserve......I have deprived myself of healthy relationships, stability, a sense of self gratification. So much lost to these meaningless pills. I HATE who I have become....February 17th 2013 will be a day I will never forget. My sobriety and rehabilitation is up to me and only me. I don't just NEED this, for the first time ever I truly WANT this and WILL do this. I will prove people WRONG!!! I will be the successful woman and loving, selfLESS, SOBER Mommy my babies deserve.
Long story short but this old man was one of my dealers. He wanted to go on road trips and asked if I would watch his house for him while he was gone. It was a HUGE 5 bedroom house and he supplied me with all the drugs I wanted while I watched his house. His last trip he was supposed to be leaving February 18th. The night before he made advances at me after my babies were asleep and told me if I had sex with him, he would give me all the pills I wanted but if I didn't that he was cutting me off.
I snapped on him, called my in law from a previous marriage parentals crying and telling them I needed out of here. They said to pack mine and my babies stuff and they would be there the next day to get us under ONE condition. I had to get clean. I had hit rock bottom and was TIRED of f'ing PILLS. Always thinking about them, them controlling what kind of day I would have, withdrawals over and over and over. A 70 year old man trying to get me to have sex with him for stupid PILLS!!!!
So I went into my room my last night there, my beautiful little babies all snuggled up in my bed sound asleep and I wrote this:
February 17th 2013
Today is the day. My last day of opiates. I am done letting them ruin my life. I'm done letting them hold me and my babies back. I'm done being labeled as a "drug addict." I am freeing myself of my addiction. I am freeing myself of the pain, humility, saddness and poverty. God please give me the strength to get through this. I have no other chouice anymore but to get clean. I have deprived my babies of stability. I have deprived them of the best Mommy I can be and that they deserve......I have deprived myself of healthy relationships, stability, a sense of self gratification. So much lost to these meaningless pills. I HATE who I have become....February 17th 2013 will be a day I will never forget. My sobriety and rehabilitation is up to me and only me. I don't just NEED this, for the first time ever I truly WANT this and WILL do this. I will prove people WRONG!!! I will be the successful woman and loving, selfLESS, SOBER Mommy my babies deserve.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Yes! You are well on your way to having a better life. I am proud of you. You never have to feel that way again. So, please do not forget that moment! It is a learning experience that will take you into a place that you deserve, and that your children need. Your highest self is shining through. Keep on walking into the Freedom.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
Thank you for sharing, Healingmysoul, you are on the right path and will accomplish your goals! The power of prayer is mysterious and powerful; may your prayers and dreams continue to guide you and give you the strength and wisdom to pave the way to a brighter future for you and your family!
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