Newbie Here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 80
Newbie Here
After a long struggle I think I'm finally ready to give up alcohol. Not that I completely want to, but I feel that I need to. Since college I've been a binge drinker on weekends. I kept things confined to weekends but usually drank in excess. About two years ago my drinking evolved...I started blacking out more. And sometimes I found that when I was hung-over that it was easier to have a drink that morning than deal with the hangover. Anyway, I've toyed with the idea of getting sober before. And I can stop when I need to. But, after the feelings of guilt and embarrassment wear off, I convince myself that I'm fine. Lately things have been really bad. I typically black out. Once I passed out on the metro ride home and ended up in a BAD neighborhood, and had to take a cab home as some gang members eyed me. I decided to quit for lent. I made it a month, before I had a bad day...I convinced myself that I could go back to drinking, but just moderate my drinking and sticking to beer. Before I knew it, I was back to my old ways of bourbon, black-outs and embarrassing behavior. My wife and father have intervened a few times...my dad was the first, he's a recovering alcoholic with 30 years sober.
In any event, here I am. I hate the idea of the "nuclear" option of going 100% sober for the rest of my life. I hate the idea of not being able to enjoy a cold beer at a baseball game or a glass of wine with dinner. But, for me that "one cold beer" becomes five and then ten and then shots at a bar afterwords, an expensive cab ride home, lost cell-phone, etc. I'm pretty upset at myself and really worried about the stigma of alcoholism, and missing out on some good times. I hate the idea of having to constantly explain why I'm not drinking... but I don't want to end up in a ditch, with no money and no job and no wife.
In any event, here I am. I hate the idea of the "nuclear" option of going 100% sober for the rest of my life. I hate the idea of not being able to enjoy a cold beer at a baseball game or a glass of wine with dinner. But, for me that "one cold beer" becomes five and then ten and then shots at a bar afterwords, an expensive cab ride home, lost cell-phone, etc. I'm pretty upset at myself and really worried about the stigma of alcoholism, and missing out on some good times. I hate the idea of having to constantly explain why I'm not drinking... but I don't want to end up in a ditch, with no money and no job and no wife.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: New Iberia ,LA
Posts: 76
Hi Trez!
If you can't imagine the rest of your life without alcohol why not maybe make some short term goals! It is hard but so worth it. I can't count how many times I have embarrassed myself, ended up in dangerous positions, etc... Sounds like you are ready to quit. At least to try. Personally, when someone asks if I want a drink, I say no thank you. If they ask again or why I just simply say that I am an alcoholic and I can't. It's like they think wow, this girl has her s*** together!! I think people respect it if you are honest. ( and as far as me having my s*** together the only thing I really have together is that I ont drink lol). But I like 'me' much better now. I attend AA meetings and it helps me so much. I find great comfort sitting in a room full of people from ALL walks of life who share my problems. Anyway I hope this helps but know that you can do at least the next 24 hours? It's a little easier to think about it that way. Good luck!!
If you can't imagine the rest of your life without alcohol why not maybe make some short term goals! It is hard but so worth it. I can't count how many times I have embarrassed myself, ended up in dangerous positions, etc... Sounds like you are ready to quit. At least to try. Personally, when someone asks if I want a drink, I say no thank you. If they ask again or why I just simply say that I am an alcoholic and I can't. It's like they think wow, this girl has her s*** together!! I think people respect it if you are honest. ( and as far as me having my s*** together the only thing I really have together is that I ont drink lol). But I like 'me' much better now. I attend AA meetings and it helps me so much. I find great comfort sitting in a room full of people from ALL walks of life who share my problems. Anyway I hope this helps but know that you can do at least the next 24 hours? It's a little easier to think about it that way. Good luck!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 92
If you are going to have any chance at success then from what you've just said you are going to have to walk away. It appears that you are an Alcoholic and I'm sure that your father would offer the same advice. I have only been sober for 11 months but I had no choice but to give up drinking 100%. By your own admittance you can not moderate. Every time you try that you will be back to your old habits. You must just quit all together. I was in the same boat only more functional. I never got too drunk in public but rest assured my day wasn't complete unless I had my 10 to 20 beers or more even if I drank it at home. There is no moderating someone like that. I can however tell you that after making through week 3 my life started to pull away from that lifestyle. Slowly. It didn't happen overnight. I am now in a place where I am happy with who I am and where I am. I no longer yearn for my spot at the Bar or the people that I called drinking buddies. For a lot of us the giving up the lifestyle is as hard as giving up the Booze. I found out that your true friends and family will still be there in the end. You WILL find fun in life without a bottle in your hand but it may take time. I think you need to stop thinking moderation and start practicing abstinence. I wish you a smooth transition into sobriety and good wishes. Every day that you continue to drink is one more day you may regret. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
Hi Trez, welcome to SR!
After weighing the pros and cons of drinking, I have accepted the fact that I cannot moderate my drinking, and I tried for many, many years. It always ended the same for me; one drink leads to a bottle or two. There is no fun in blacking out, embarrassing yourself, disappointing loved ones and looking and feeling like sh*t! Give it a try, set a number of months (say 3 or 6), and reevaluate how you feel at that time. It is hard to contemplate such a major lifestyle change, but you may be surprised how much better you will feel, perhaps then you will see how easy it is to visualize a life free of alcohol? It’s a challenge worth taking with nothing to lose and potentially a lot to gain!
Keep reading threads on this site, you will find something that resonates with you, along with support, encouragement and understanding!
After weighing the pros and cons of drinking, I have accepted the fact that I cannot moderate my drinking, and I tried for many, many years. It always ended the same for me; one drink leads to a bottle or two. There is no fun in blacking out, embarrassing yourself, disappointing loved ones and looking and feeling like sh*t! Give it a try, set a number of months (say 3 or 6), and reevaluate how you feel at that time. It is hard to contemplate such a major lifestyle change, but you may be surprised how much better you will feel, perhaps then you will see how easy it is to visualize a life free of alcohol? It’s a challenge worth taking with nothing to lose and potentially a lot to gain!
Keep reading threads on this site, you will find something that resonates with you, along with support, encouragement and understanding!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
What's that saying, you can't change a pickle back into a cucumber.
Unfortunately as alkies we will never be able to change our body chemistries to a point where we react like normal drinkers. And we will try every method and experiment we can but it may work for a week or so but it's not long or at least it wasn't for me till I was back worse than ever.
Stopping isn't the problem, it's the staying stopped. Lotsa good information in the AA Big Book online. Sounds like you are not completely sure you want to stop altogether.
Reprinted with permission off AA World services, inc
Chapter "More about alcoholism"
I think you will find the book quite fascinating.
MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Unfortunately as alkies we will never be able to change our body chemistries to a point where we react like normal drinkers. And we will try every method and experiment we can but it may work for a week or so but it's not long or at least it wasn't for me till I was back worse than ever.
Stopping isn't the problem, it's the staying stopped. Lotsa good information in the AA Big Book online. Sounds like you are not completely sure you want to stop altogether.
Reprinted with permission off AA World services, inc
Chapter "More about alcoholism"
I think you will find the book quite fascinating.
MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcoem Trez 
Like I said to someone else today - I had the idea that sobriety would be like a ball and chain, or a prison cell...in fact it was an unlocked door.
I'm grateful everyday for deciding to become sober - by losing alcohol, I found myself again.
I wish the same for you
D
Like I said to someone else today - I had the idea that sobriety would be like a ball and chain, or a prison cell...in fact it was an unlocked door.
I'm grateful everyday for deciding to become sober - by losing alcohol, I found myself again.
I wish the same for you
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by deeker 
What's that saying, you can't change a pickle back into a cucumber.
Unfortunately as alkies we will never be able to change our body chemistries to a point where we react like normal drinkers. And we will try every method and experiment we can but it may work for a week or so but it's not long or at least it wasn't for me till I was back worse than ever.
Stopping isn't the problem, it's the staying stopped. Lotsa good information in the AA Big Book online. Sounds like you are not completely sure you want to stop altogether.
Reprinted with permission off AA World services, inc
Chapter "More about alcoholism"
I think you will find the book quite fascinating.
MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Unfortunately as alkies we will never be able to change our body chemistries to a point where we react like normal drinkers. And we will try every method and experiment we can but it may work for a week or so but it's not long or at least it wasn't for me till I was back worse than ever.
Stopping isn't the problem, it's the staying stopped. Lotsa good information in the AA Big Book online. Sounds like you are not completely sure you want to stop altogether.
Reprinted with permission off AA World services, inc
Chapter "More about alcoholism"
I think you will find the book quite fascinating.
MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
But clearly I don't have genetics on my side. And clearly its becoming a problem. The blackouts are the worst, plus wondering if you did something embarrasing (usually yes). I've lost my iPhone in a cab, left credit cards open all over town, gotten kicked out of bars (although not recently), been so hammered at a co-workers wedding that I couldn't speak, blacked out at a comedy show with my friends...the list goes on. Plus my body feels crappy and exhausted. When I do sober up I come back to life...I start exercising and losing weight, feeling better mentally, etc. This is usually the point where I tell myself that I'm fine, I just need to moderate, and I'm a smart guy and can do it. And usually it doesn't work out well. Wow, what a fuster-cluck I've created for myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: New Iberia ,LA
Posts: 76
As we all well know, being 'smart' has nothing to do with controlling our alcohol. We just can't. And thank goodness I finally realized that I was an alcoholic because I felt dumb and our of control! You have come to a very big realization in your drinking career! Embrace it! It took me 41 years to get it.. Had I been honest with myself in the past i could have avoided A LOT of loss. Devastating loss.. I'm proud of you!! Do it!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 346
I can relate to the bargaining, " I will just moderate by drinking beer", it never worked for me. I will also say that I can relate to really missing the ceremony of drinking at event like watching a game with beer of drinking wine with dinner. At games or after a long day at work, I really enjoy a buckler ( non alcoholic beer) me 2 years ago would have laughed at this notion... But me 2 years ago was living in a house with a couple bottles of wine and no furniture. Now i happen to like having sexy furniture and sexy cocktails... Hold the alcohol please!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 92
" When I do sober up I come back to life...I start exercising and losing weight, feeling better mentally, etc. This is usually the point where I tell myself that I'm fine, I just need to moderate, and I'm a smart guy and can do it. And usually it doesn't work out well. " And there you have it. That's the Monster taking over. He will live in your head and f*** with you and tell you it's all normal and under control. He doesn't want to lose his drinking buddy. I evicted mine 11 months ago but he's still out in my driveway doing pushups. Naw I think it's time for you to take that positive liberating healthy feeling that you get when you are sober and recognize it for what it truly is. It's your body telling you that this is how you should feel all of the time. You are close to making the right decision. You have seen personally the effects of alcohol abuse. Most alcoholics don't get that wow I feel great moment until weeks into their recovery. You've been given a great gift. An early peek into what your sober body and mind could feel like all of the time if you choose to follow through and stay sober. Good luck on whichever path you choose to follow.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 346
***** sparkling water I have found to be a very sleek way to sub alcohol... I love creating these non alcoholic cocktails, I would be more than excited to come up with a recipe just for you if it would help! (This is blood orange lavender... Yum!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 80
Thanks guys. I'm meeting with a counselor through a confidential employee assistance program through work this Friday. We'll see how it goes. I've been to AA before but never participated much, never found a sponsor or worked the steps. So no wonder I haven't found it helpful so far. So that's an option too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Calgary
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by trez
After a long struggle I think I'm finally ready to give up alcohol. Not that I completely want to, but I feel that I need to. Since college I've been a binge drinker on weekends. I kept things confined to weekends but usually drank in excess. About two years ago my drinking evolved...I started blacking out more. And sometimes I found that when I was hung-over that it was easier to have a drink that morning than deal with the hangover. Anyway, I've toyed with the idea of getting sober before. And I can stop when I need to. But, after the feelings of guilt and embarrassment wear off, I convince myself that I'm fine. Lately things have been really bad. I typically black out. Once I passed out on the metro ride home and ended up in a BAD neighborhood, and had to take a cab home as some gang members eyed me. I decided to quit for lent. I made it a month, before I had a bad day...I convinced myself that I could go back to drinking, but just moderate my drinking and sticking to beer. Before I knew it, I was back to my old ways of bourbon, black-outs and embarrassing behavior. My wife and father have intervened a few times...my dad was the first, he's a recovering alcoholic with 30 years sober.
In any event, here I am. I hate the idea of the "nuclear" option of going 100% sober for the rest of my life. I hate the idea of not being able to enjoy a cold beer at a baseball game or a glass of wine with dinner. But, for me that "one cold beer" becomes five and then ten and then shots at a bar afterwords, an expensive cab ride home, lost cell-phone, etc. I'm pretty upset at myself and really worried about the stigma of alcoholism, and missing out on some good times. I hate the idea of having to constantly explain why I'm not drinking... but I don't want to end up in a ditch, with no money and no job and no wife.
In any event, here I am. I hate the idea of the "nuclear" option of going 100% sober for the rest of my life. I hate the idea of not being able to enjoy a cold beer at a baseball game or a glass of wine with dinner. But, for me that "one cold beer" becomes five and then ten and then shots at a bar afterwords, an expensive cab ride home, lost cell-phone, etc. I'm pretty upset at myself and really worried about the stigma of alcoholism, and missing out on some good times. I hate the idea of having to constantly explain why I'm not drinking... but I don't want to end up in a ditch, with no money and no job and no wife.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The South Pacific
Posts: 306
Hey trez.
How's it going? I'm with you. In fact, your original post pretty much summed up my "skills" as a drinker.
I am also pretty leery of the "nuclear" option (I like that analogy) but, like the others have said. I'm not wired like responsible drinkers.
When I get myself free of booze (which lately has been pretty much never), I'll feel good. Get some really good work done. Have a nice date with my wife, exercise...be really motivated--and think: Hey! I'm fine again. Let's have some beers!
What I seem to be missing here...is I'm doing all this fun/cool stuff while NOT drinking...so I'm kind of wondering why I am going back TO drinking--where inevitably I can't slow down, and do something incredibly dangerous, or leave my credit card open across town--or some other such thing.
I'm an alcoholic. I do not, and can not drink like "regular" people.
Going out for beers with friends--was me having a few starters so I felt "normal" by the time I got to the bar, and then matching them (or out pacing them) beer for beer so I felt like I could sleep.
Lotta fun conversations, ballgames, stories about their kids, jokes, epic recalling of video game mastery, and otherwise that I missed out on--cause I was too drunk to remember any of it later.
If I hadn't lost my phone (I couldn't even tell you which # of phone I'm on) I'd be cringing everytime it beeped at me, or rang. Hoping it wasn't a buddy with the all too often: WTF was that last night, man?
I'm done with it. I hope you are too.
Will I never drink again? I hope not, but I don't know.
What I have learned here is that I am not going to drink right now and that's all that matters to me.
Be well.
How's it going? I'm with you. In fact, your original post pretty much summed up my "skills" as a drinker.
I am also pretty leery of the "nuclear" option (I like that analogy) but, like the others have said. I'm not wired like responsible drinkers.
When I get myself free of booze (which lately has been pretty much never), I'll feel good. Get some really good work done. Have a nice date with my wife, exercise...be really motivated--and think: Hey! I'm fine again. Let's have some beers!
What I seem to be missing here...is I'm doing all this fun/cool stuff while NOT drinking...so I'm kind of wondering why I am going back TO drinking--where inevitably I can't slow down, and do something incredibly dangerous, or leave my credit card open across town--or some other such thing.
I'm an alcoholic. I do not, and can not drink like "regular" people.
Going out for beers with friends--was me having a few starters so I felt "normal" by the time I got to the bar, and then matching them (or out pacing them) beer for beer so I felt like I could sleep.
Lotta fun conversations, ballgames, stories about their kids, jokes, epic recalling of video game mastery, and otherwise that I missed out on--cause I was too drunk to remember any of it later.
If I hadn't lost my phone (I couldn't even tell you which # of phone I'm on) I'd be cringing everytime it beeped at me, or rang. Hoping it wasn't a buddy with the all too often: WTF was that last night, man?
I'm done with it. I hope you are too.
Will I never drink again? I hope not, but I don't know.
What I have learned here is that I am not going to drink right now and that's all that matters to me.
Be well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
For a long time I needed to be aware that I cannot drink in safety period as the outcome couldn’t be predicted. One indication pointed out to me in my denial was “normal” people don’t think about drinking and escaping nearly as much as we do. I like milk, water, some sodas etc, one or two has been enough, not a problem. Some 12,000 days later of many meetings I’m still learning about life and dealing with it because I was told KEEP COMING. IT WORKS!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
The idea of living without drinking was scary to me too, tho I can't figure out why since all drinking did was make me more miserable.
I finally gave it up for good and have never regretted it.
My life is better than ever and I don't miss drinking one bit.I hope we can help you to stop drinking.
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