Ostrich123

I had been doing well. Until Easter. Fell way off the wagon. Am so depressed. I am so mad that some people have zero problem with alcohol and I do. I do I do I do. I'm not lying to myself. Ever. I just wish I could be like that. Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel like trying again.

I was 7 days clean. 2 days off track. And am now really sad. I know you all know how this feels. If I didn't have you wonderful people to talk to, I'd just go nuts.

least

Don't beat yourself up. You know what to do now.

Nonsensical

Maybe, but the ability to defeat an addiction is a far more valuable life skill than being able to drink socially.

Greatness awaits. You can do this.

Hevyn

Hi Ostrich. I'm sorry you're in misery right now.

I definitely can relate to how you're feeling. Been there many times - but I sit here 5+ years sober for the first time in my life. The resentment & anger is finally gone. You can get back on track and make it last this time. I had to prove to myself that it really wasn't possible to have 'a few' - and now that I truly get it, I feel free.

deeker

Sometimes we need just a little more convincing. Thank God Above that nothing seriously bad happened and believe that it could have. Welcome back!

PinotNOmore

You're not alone. I was at 12 days without drinking and screwed it up yesterday as well. Not a fun feeling, and I know how sad it can make you. We've just got to keep trying I guess. Sometimes I feel like just giving up. Saying "This is who I am! I drink. Deal with it!" Then I realize if I do give up, I'll lose everything important to me, and that's the last thing I want. Things are so much better when not drinking, it's just that annoying little voice that draws us back in, and ruins it all. I'm struggling to find a way to shut it up. Hopefully we can do this. Sooner rather than later.

full_collapse

i know how you feel. it seems everyone around me doesn't go through the pyschological turmoil i do in regards to drinking. Everyone is so casual and easygoing and seemingly able to moderate themselves. I can't stop once i start. and once i get going on a roll, i keep going....meaning day after day. im not a drunk but i my usual intake is at least 6 beers a day.. lately normal has been 7 or 8. and i feel so guilty for knowing i have this issue but i can't control it. sometimes i feel i can, and i attempt to control it then let myself down.. anyways enough about me, i am just saying i can relate to what your saying and you are not alone, i too wish i could be able to drink normally. i just dont have it. its either all or nothing.

LadyinBC

Yes it is very maddening. This is one reason I don't put myself in situations where there is alcohol if I can help it. Especially in the beginning. Some situations bother me, some don't. I'm perfectly okay going to a restaurant with a girlfriend and if they want a drink, I'm okay. However, I won't be going to the pub or to parties, and I won't be serving alcohol in my own home.

I'm thankful that my daugher and her husband don't drink much. They haven't had alcohol in the house since I moved in. I have learned to set my boundaries with people and I tell them if it bothers me or not.

What set you off?

readytobeme

You WILL feel like trying again. It happens. We all know it happens. But what matters most is that you keep trying until you feel better - and then you will BE better.

It pisses me off that people can do this - drink socially - and I can't. But there's no sense beating myself up over it. It is what it is. I've learned that I can't fight it anymore than I can make it stop raining.

Pick yourself back up and TRY AGAIN. Better this time. Stronger. You can do it.

Missy7

Hang in there Ostrich. How do you feel now? What is better today then yesterday?

SoberJohn

Try locking on to that feeling of sadness you feel right now and remind yourself that this is what is waiting for you at the bottom of that next drink. Helped me out.

Ostrich123

Thank you everyone!!! I stayed busy today and yesterday. Now I'm facing a bachelorette party on Friday night. I feel like giving up until Sunday. I hate to say this, but I know I'm going to drink on Friday night. So why bother going through detox now?

Bottomless pit. Thank you for your wishes of strength! I must try to stay positive. But that's not the norm for me! lol

Dee74

There will always always be a party, an occasion or some 'reason to drink'.

Not drinking requires some tough decisions and making some changes to our lives, Ostrich.

If you keep putting off making those changes you can easily let 10 years slip by - I let nearly 20.

On the one hand there's a bachelorette party...on the other, the rest of your life.

Think about it some more, I reckon

D

Pondlady

It's a slippery slope. You said you were doing well till Easter, but now think you'll wait till Sunday to stop......see how recovery can slip further and further away if we don't decide to stop drinking now?

dun

Please reconsider, every time we go back out we are rolling the dice. Eventually something bad will happen that we cant take back. You have it in you to get clean, make it today. You deserve it.

Heartfan82

How about trying an experiment for the bachelorette party: try just drinking your favorite non-booze drink, and being a designated driver for that night.....

I've been thinking about you and wondering how you're doing, Ostrich. Good luck, and just keep going! Are you over being mad at yourself yet?

I'm into my 11th day, and feeling a lot more clear-headed and hopeful. I still think forever is such a scary word, I just try not to think that far just yet. I just realized a lot of the anxiety I was feeling before must have been caused by drinking; I never even knew it was related!

I look forward to your posts as we all go forward in this journey....
Peace,
~Heartfan

Ostrich123

Thank you all so much for sharing your support and ideas!! You don't know how much it means to me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've had 3-4 glasses of wine every night since I fell off the detox wagon. Oh, and not the petite 6 ounce glasses they pour at restaurants. So at this point, I need to find my inner strength again. The "me" that wanted her life back - badly. Instead of constantly thinking about drinking and being depressed and having social anxiety (which I've had even before I ever started drinking).

You all are so strong. You should be so proud of yourselves. This process is SOOOO difficult! I hope to join you in recovery mode soon...

Dee74

Make it today Ostrich. Stop now.
The longer you leave it the harder it gets.

D

Stewart888

Ostrich we are all here for you. What keeps me sober is i do not walk to go though the first few days again. It is hard we all know..and it just might get harder to stop each time. So stop now. ...do the hour at a time then 24 hours...it get easier each day it really does.