April7th

I left my husband of 23 years one year ago toady. For the first months, contact was sporadic at best, and our 7 year old was devastated. My husbands drinking switched from lots of beer, high velocity beer, to lots of vodka. His choices were terrible, online dating, bar pick ups, and the occasional I love you thrown to me. He kept texting that he wanted it to work. Denied the women. In November, I got a call from his brother that he was in bad shape. I talked to him for hours on the phone. He went from raging at me for leaving to crying that he wanted us to come home. We agreed to talk when he was sober, in the morning. I actually found a sitter for my daughter and drove the two hours back to my old home, only to find a skanky woman in my bed. I was devastated. He begged me not to leave, and actually left with me, leaving his friend in our house. We screamed and hollered and agreed to begin a line of communication, hoping to work things out. When we got back, his friend had left. That week, we both drove an hour each way to see each other, trying to make it better. He told me how much he loved me, and how sorry he was. He told me she was just a girl he picked up, and she wouldn't leave, she had a hard life. All week long he promised to stop drinking. That weekend, we talked for hours on the phone, and at 10 my oldest daughter called to say that the Gil's car was back in the driveway. She was back in our house, at his request. I was devastated. When I confronted him, it was because he wanted someone to drink with. I was done. He really poured it on, begging and pleading. Coming up to my home, two hours away, to visit, always sober. Provided phone records, changed his other phone so she could not contact him. Always answered my calls, things were smoothing out. Spent the holidays together, then my 7 year old and I began spending weekends at our former home. Things were going well, two weeks ago, he drank while we were there, and I left the next am. Promised it wouldn't happen again, he is stressed because he failed to make our house payments and is now facing foreclosure. It was just a slip, he said. Fast forward to yesterday, our daughter had the flu, she was miserable. We were up all night, she and I laid down yesterday afternoon, and when I got up, he was smashed. When I calmly asked what was happening...all hell broke loose. I was a million disgusting names, he never loved me, I took all his money, it's my fault he is loosing the house.....all of the nightmare things I left a year ago, all of the promises that he would never treat me that way again. He said he was done cowtowing down to me, and he wanted to go back to being a ***** dog. I am just reeling. I really was a fool.

least

to the family! I'm so sorry you're going thru all this. It's very hard dealing with an alcoholic. Alcoholism is the family disease - it affects everyone. You have not been a fool, just misplaced your trust. Now you know better and won't be fooled again by his lies and bad behavior.

Take a look at our friends and family forum for more insight from people in similar situations.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

deeker

Doesn't sound like he's ready to stop and you and your lovely daughter deserve much better. You tried and I commend you for your efforts.
If you were to continue this cycle it would just be a bad message to your daughter that you don't respect yourself. You do deserve better.

Daddy is a very sick man. My hubby stayed with me for 31 years and is still there, I don't know how he did it. What I do know is that he has 31 years of horrendous memories and so does my son and I wouldn't blame him now if he had left. I wish he and my son didn't have to see or go through all that.


Perhaps if he left me , I may have hit bottom quicker.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're going through this too April, but I'm glad you've found us - you'll find a lot of support understanding and encouragement here

D

Anna

I hope you find the strength to keep away from him, for your sake and your children's sake.

AlAnon might be a good choice for you.

April7th

Thank you for all the kind words. I hate to feel weak, but my head is spinning. What was all the work for the last 5 months? Was it all lies? I really thought he loved me, and wanted us to come back. I thought her realized what he had done, and was ready to change. I feel like I didn't do enough, but, also, I feel like he played me big time. I am so sad. Also, worried about the effect of returning to no contact with her dad will have on our 7 year old. She was crushed last time, and really flourished when he returned to her life. When he says he wants to go back to being slutty, it makes me almost physically ill. How do I reconcile all of this? Saturday he loved me more than anything, and Sunday it was all lies. Oh my god.