kiki26

My father in laws surprise bday party is coming up in two weeks. I can guarantee it will be big, loud, and have an endless supply of alcohol.

I am really nervous about attending. I am only a month and a half sober, and a big trigger for me is being left out. This party is two hours out of town so saying a quick hello and leaving will be nearly impossible. My in laws dont know I have quit drinking and if I told them they would probably still hand me a beer and say its a special occasion.

My gut is telling me not to go. And I may decide that, but as of right now we are planning on going. How can I get through this without feeling completely awkward?

ScottFromWI

I'd say listen to your gut. If you can't be sure of yourself now, you probably won't be able to when your sobriety is in serious jeapordy either. I went out into social situations about a month after quitting but knew specifically that I wouldn't be drinking and told people up front that I wouldn't if they asked. If you have any doubt i'd skip it personally. Send him a card or a present and visit another day.

DarkDays

I would go drink fizzy water, but thats me. The fear of going is a 100 times worse than the actual event. They have to drink remember. You will be cool rebellious and sober. But in all honesty however you feel it can be done, just grind it out smile and you will loosen up I promise. Lots will disagree with me on here, but good luck whatever you do.

Dee74

I'd listen to your gut too, Kiki.
I took time away from parties until I was sure I was strong enough to keep my resolve.

I've never regretted doing that

D

ReadyAtLast

I'd also listen to gut instinct. Does your spouse know you've quit?What do they think? If supportive,they'll understand your reluctance.

Caledonia1

Listen to your gut instinct.

hypochondriac

Feeling awkward isn't the end of the world. But only go if you are absolutely certain you won't drink. I had to go to quite a few parties in early sobriety. It wasn't fun and I wish I hadn't gone now. But I was determined and even got by by making people drinks one time. I was determined I would be happy and sociable sober. But there is plenty of time for that. I don't know why I tried to prove so much so soon. You can always pull out with an illness at the last minute. Don't put yourself in jeopardy unnecessarily x

Spinach

Don't go. If your missed too bad if your not why risk it. You need to get some days under your belt and start feeling your way around your new life.
John.

Anna

I wouldn't go and take a chance. It wouldn't have worked for me to do that.

Pondlady

I stayed in a self made "sober cocoon" for a while. I probably wouldn't go, or if I did, I'dl stay only a short amount of time...even if it is two hours away....you'll just be back home sooner

kiki26

Thank you everyone for your advice. My partner supports me fully in not drinking, we talked about the party he said simply "well just don't drink you don't need to explain yourself".It's more than that for me though. I feel pretty strong that I won't drink, but I just don't feel up for being around people drinking and enjoying alcohol. I hope one day that will go away.....the almost jealous feeling I get when I see others having fun drinking.

Scram

Going through something similar Kiki, with way less days under my belt.

It's a birthday party, I helped plan it (pre-sobriety), it's a very good friend, I want to be supportive. At least for 20 minutes. I asked an older member of AA who has been helpful, and he said if I must go I should be taking a sober friend, preferably from AA, to keep me in check for the brief time. Also, I need to plan to be at a meeting after, which thankfully there is one.

Mizzuno

I would not go if i were in your shoes. These first few months are hard enough, no reason to add a party into the mix. Just my opinion.. Take care of you.
If you do go, you can always post on here during the party for support.

Lunetta

If your gut is saying not to go, I would go with that. I had a few events early on and I thought long and hard about them and decided I would be okay with going, however they were not 2 hours out of town and I always had an exit plan. In your case it maybe best to come down with the "stomach flu" or something and not put so much stress on yourself. Good luck!

lillyknitting

If you think you will drink don't go. I say this from bitter experience

lillyknitting

Some day you will be around people who have "enjoyed" alcohol and are now suffering the hangover whilst you are feeling fantastic. It's a really cool feeling and you will never want that old life back! X

Dee74

I rarely even notice people drinking now Kiki - although I must admit have little tolerance for obnoxiously drunk folks.

D

Lenina

Kiki,

If you feel you absolutely must go, plan ahead. Were I you, I'd rent a hotel/motel room near by for a bolt hole if you need to get out of there. With a two hour drive, it would probably be nice to have place to sleep instead of hitting the road. maybe plan to have a nice breakfast in the morning.

At the party, keep your hands full. I usually have my water bottle. you can put a few lemon or lime slices to make it look more festive. If that's not comfortable for you, see about getting one of those "sippy" cups with a straw. They have them at Starbucks, The Tea Leaf and Ive even seen them at the grocery. You can have soda, juice, iced tea....so when offered a drink, brandish the cup and say "Got one! Thanks.". If it gets to be all too much, head to your hotel. Slip out quietly. make sure you park in a space you're not blocked into.

And remember, it's no one's business what youre drinking or how much.

You might want to leave a few treats for yourself at the hotel, like choice of soda or juice on ice. Most hotels have coffee makers you can use to make hot water if you want some herbal tea.

I have to do a lot of social stuff for work. I learned how to protect my sobriety as that's the most important thing I've got.


Love from Lenina

1newcreation

You have valid reason to be there(fam bday) so chk on that HOWEVER, you're not spiritually fit so you'll def go back out on this. If you really have to go & sobriety is #1 on your list, then go w/ sponsor or someone in network that has longer time than you.
Decision really is up to you in the end!

neferkamichael

Kiki, if you want to stay sober, and this party is a threat to your soberiety, then please do not go. Rootin for ya.