Louise82

Thanks for your post dun. You're not alone. I'm 3 days back. I only had 44 days to begin with though. I can't imagine what 15 months is like; that's badass. I can't wait to find out for myself. You've done so well; you're doing so well just being sober now! Those 15 months haven't gone anywhere. They still happened.

I can also relate to disappointing the family by drinking again. My mum sat and yelled at me for half an hour yesterday but tonight she phoned me and I could hear in her voice she'd already forgiven me. Because she loves me, no matter what. And your family loves you no matter what, otherwise they wouldn't have supported you in your recovery. They're still supporting you as you continue to recover.

I never want to disappoint my family again; I want this to be the last time they have to forgive me for my drinking. It sounds like you feel the same?

It may feel now like the guilt and shame will never subside but it will. Hang tough. Up until this morning I was irrationally convinced that my mother would die thinking I'm a failure and would spend her last breaths worrying that I wouldn't be ok. Today I feel much better and I'm thinking clearer and the main healer has just been time, I think.

Yep, I think this way of putting it is becoming useful for me too. In the past few days I've been thinking about a friend I had who has a peanut allergy. He cannot eat peanuts. He cannot even have just one peanut. So he doesn't eat peanuts. Who would want just one peanut anyway?

I cannot drink alcohol. I cannot moderate by just having one drink. So I do not drink alcohol. I wouldn't want just one drink anyway.

Hefner

Thanks for sharing Dun. I'm new on here myself and 11 months sober. Although I have already accepted that I can never drink again I have seen through your post, as well as others, that relapse, although not inevitable, is possible for all of us. I know that at any time a person can get caught up in a comfort zone and think " that won't happen to me." I'm sorry it did happen to you but I'm glad you shared and I wish you all the best in your renewed recovery.

Hevyn

Happy you are back on track, dun. It's so hard to believe willpower alone won't save us. Sometimes we need further proof. You'll be even more determined now.

FeenixxRising

Try not to look at it as starting over. IMO, that's a horrible way to look at a relapse. It's a really negative thought that will just get into your head and keep you from moving forward. You started 15 months ago and that journey continues. Yes you slipped. Don't excuse yourself, but don't beat yourself up. You went 15 months, so you were doing something right, just get back on track and move forward.

deeker

Dun, See this aa Sharon? Grab her and don't let her go! She has something you want and it has worked for 22 years!