Stephanieherron

I was in a relationship with an alcoholic, whom i lived with for 7 months. He would drink a half gallon of vodka a day, and then he would get verbally abusive. I moved into a domestic Violence shelter, and didn't give him much of a notice. I avoided his calls and any kind of contact for 3 weeks. He kept calling and wouldn't give up, so i started to see him again, like an idiot. he just recently quit drinking, and told me on the phone he didn'want to see me anymore. We had been getting alongreally well, so i thought. He said he had been thinking alot about how i left him 4 months ago, and how good he treated me and that he never verbally abused me. I have been clean and sober for a little over 3 years and could not handle living in that enviroment. Could someone please give me some input. i feel like an idiot i for allowing the abuse to happen again. I feel like i should know better since i have been there and didn't see it!

Dee74

Hi Stephanie - welcome

I think most of us have been fools for love at one time or another.

I think once we learn to value ourslves tho it gets much harder for us to put up with treatment we know is wrong.

Sounds to me like you might ultimately be better off now it's over, to be honest- just because someone insists things were a different way doesn't make their version true.

D

Odelle

IMHO, it sounds like he is creating drama as an excuse to relapse, or he has already relapsed and is looking to blame someone else for it. Either way, I would give him his space and let him work out his issues. Congratulations on your 3 years of sobriety! Don’t beat yourself up for not seeing the relationship for what it is, love is blind and being a recovered addict yourself, you are probably more accepting of others with addiction issues. Just keep your guard up and don’t allow yourself to be manipulated.

LadyinBC

Sometimes we like to see the good in people and if we can stop drinking then so can they. I personally have never really had a healthy relationship with anyone. I've always found people that kind of control it. Like I will always compromise and do what they want.

You're not an idiot. You are smart enough to know that you can't handle the enviroment and you are moving on.

And 3 years is terrific by the way!

RDBplus3

Life can be very confusing at times. The people in it can be even more so. Add drugs, alcohol, or any addiction to the mix, and it can certainly be overwhelming.

My recommendation, is to guard your mind and your spirit. Pull back to a place of safety and cultivate a sense of serenity. Pray for perspective and guidance.

Should have...Could have...Would have...only add to the turmoil. Start over....AGAIN....cautiously, and No Matter What...guard your mind, and your spirit, and your SOBRIETY.

And keep coming back to this website.

Cc77

Please don't beat yourself up! Be happy that you didn't allow yourself to use again! I was sober for 3 years and living with a daily drinker, I wanted to test the waters and try to drink like normal people.. EPIC FAIL!!! I quickly went back to drinking daily for two months straight and the daily drinker kicked ME out!! How dare him!!!( joking). That's my AV talking. Anyway I am right back on track and it easier this time around since I had so much sober time before my relapse. It took me eight months of being exposed daily to give in to the urge again, but eventually it may have happened to you! This may be a blessing. I know that him breaking up with me was probably a blessing although the little girl inside of me is crushed and feels abandoned.. We can't help who we love and I'm glad you stayed 'quit'! You should be really proud of yourself. I'm proud of you I don't know if that helps any but I just wanted to pass that along just incase

least

I've always believed it was better to be alone than to be treated badly. I still feel that way. Stay true to yourself.

(my dad used to say that when you're alone at least you're in good company)

LadyinBC

This is so true. Because I always thought that I had to have a boyfriend or didn't want to be alone, I mad bad choices in men.

DaveyT

I'm thinking one of two things are happening here.

1. He was really angry you dumped him so he got back with you so that he could dump you instead as an act of revenge.

2. He's playing the game lots of abusers do, and for the record it's usually female abusers who use this tactic but some male abusers do as well. They treat you really nicely, dump you and the wait for you to come crawling back. They get off on seeing someone beg to be with them. I've spoken to a lot of abuse victims and seen this pattern a lot. It tends to be used by the emotionally abusive abuser rather than the violently abusive type.

Either way he sounds like an unpleasant individual, granted we only have your version of events but it doesn't seem like his presence in your life is helpful for you, so stay strong, don't go back to him and realise you deserve happiness.