Confession Time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 19
Confession Time
Hi, I have a problem with alcohol. I found this place a while ago and am currently on day 10. SR is helping fight the urge to relapse.
Nobody knows that extent to which I drink. Even my spouse doesn't know about the secret world I have made to hide my drinking. I own a business that allows me to be away during the day so I go to bars out of town where no one knows who I am. My weekly habit had grown to four out of five days a week where starting at noon I would go from bar to bar to have a "couple" of vodka and tonics. I was sure to rotate places because I didn't want anyone to think I had a problem. Also, I would hid bottles in my office where during the day I would drink.
The problems have grown. I have constantly lied about where I was and what I was doing. I drunk drove all the time and engaged in lots of risky behaviors as the alcohol lowered my inhibitions. I feel ashamed of what I have done.
Well, day 10 - I am praying to get out of this self-induced hell. Thanks for listening.
Nobody knows that extent to which I drink. Even my spouse doesn't know about the secret world I have made to hide my drinking. I own a business that allows me to be away during the day so I go to bars out of town where no one knows who I am. My weekly habit had grown to four out of five days a week where starting at noon I would go from bar to bar to have a "couple" of vodka and tonics. I was sure to rotate places because I didn't want anyone to think I had a problem. Also, I would hid bottles in my office where during the day I would drink.
The problems have grown. I have constantly lied about where I was and what I was doing. I drunk drove all the time and engaged in lots of risky behaviors as the alcohol lowered my inhibitions. I feel ashamed of what I have done.
Well, day 10 - I am praying to get out of this self-induced hell. Thanks for listening.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
welcome to SR . There is great support here. At day 10 I was over the worst of it and things started to settle down.
It is amazing the changes that sobriety has brought me, but I have been taught by my experience that it is a journey. Early on I came to regard it as an adventure into reality, it was a shock to the system- but take it easy and things happen.
It is amazing the changes that sobriety has brought me, but I have been taught by my experience that it is a journey. Early on I came to regard it as an adventure into reality, it was a shock to the system- but take it easy and things happen.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome leastofthese. I hope being here will help you to no longer feel alone with this.
I was doing the same sort of behavior towards the end of my drinking career. I was completely dependent on it, and totally out of control. That person I was becoming is almost nothing like me - and I'm so glad I stopped 'her' in time to save myself from complete ruin. It sounds like you are ready to leave that life behind. I'm so glad you found us. You can do this - and be free to live your life the way you want to.
I was doing the same sort of behavior towards the end of my drinking career. I was completely dependent on it, and totally out of control. That person I was becoming is almost nothing like me - and I'm so glad I stopped 'her' in time to save myself from complete ruin. It sounds like you are ready to leave that life behind. I'm so glad you found us. You can do this - and be free to live your life the way you want to.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
to the family! I'm glad you joined us. Ten days sober is a great start. The physical withdrawal should be over and with good self care you should start feeling much better. Have faith in yourself. You can do this!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome!
I understand the lying, the fear of being found out, and the self-loathing that it creates for us. I was there. One thing I know for sure is that you never have to go through that again. Congratulations on 10 days sober and I'm so glad that you posted.
I understand the lying, the fear of being found out, and the self-loathing that it creates for us. I was there. One thing I know for sure is that you never have to go through that again. Congratulations on 10 days sober and I'm so glad that you posted.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Yes, worse even than how sick I felt physically every day, was how I felt inside. That overwhelming sense of shame became normal for me. I did not realize that not everyone wakes up with that big pit in their stomach of fear and shame until I quit. The freedom from that is an amazing feeling. Holding my head feels so good. You will feel it too. So glad you are here and taking back your life 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
You're not alone. Unfortunately many of us (myself included) have done similar things. Read around this board, you'll find many similar stories. The good thing is that you're here now, and 10 days sober. I hope you find the strength to get through this. Something to think about is that your drinking "secrets" might not be so secret as you think. Often times our spouses or significant others know more than we'd like to believe. The important part is that you're ready to commit.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Welcome Least. 10 days is great. Hopefully the drinking hasn't hurt your business or career.
I'm also in business for myself; although, I often work with others in the same line of work. Fortunately, my drinking only directly hurt my business a handful of times, but indirectly, I definitely wasted too much time drinking and acting like a fool and not enough time keeping up with research, networking and keeping my skills up to date. Bottom line, if it were not for my drinking, my business and career would be in a much better place.
Stick around, there's a lot of support here at SR, being here has helped me immensely.
I'm also in business for myself; although, I often work with others in the same line of work. Fortunately, my drinking only directly hurt my business a handful of times, but indirectly, I definitely wasted too much time drinking and acting like a fool and not enough time keeping up with research, networking and keeping my skills up to date. Bottom line, if it were not for my drinking, my business and career would be in a much better place.
Stick around, there's a lot of support here at SR, being here has helped me immensely.
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