soopy99

I'm back on day one again after another failed experiment with moderation. Each day 1 i tell myself over and over again I need to stop drinking altogether, but by day 6 or 7 I always seem to convince myself I can drink occasionally, and a week later I'm back to daily drinking.

I just can't convince myself alcohol is no longer an option. Sometimes reading other people's war stories acts as a trigger because I've never had any obvious negative consequences from drinking and although I drink at an unhealthy level (6-8 drinks a night) I do stop before I lose control. In fact, because my tolerance is so high from the steady drinking, I am rarely visibly drunk.

If I keep it up, I'll have serious health problems. I'm already noticing some problems. But, because I look OK on the outside, I keep foolishly deciding that "I'm not that bad."

Please, can you all give me a few good reasons never to have a drink again? I'll need to review them in a few days.

sugarbear1

If you aren't ready to stay stopped, you aren't ready to stay stopped.

Just know that things that haven't happened yet are often considered "not yets" and those "not yets" do happen eventually. We just don't know which ones will happen. Just not yet.

Nonsensical

An increase in toleration is a key sign of alcohol dependence, a.k.a addiction. This leads to craving alcohol. Not wanting alcohol, but craving it even when you know it's ruining your health. Continuing to drink will almost always worsen this condition, making future cravings more severe and quitting more traumatic.

How am I doing?

soopy99

I've heard this before, and it is probably true. it also sounds like one of the ways I will try to rationalize having a drink a few days from now.

deeker

Puking, dry heaves
drunk dialing
total emptiness in the morning
total fear the day after
not wanting to face people
shame
letting our loved ones down,
never following through with what we promised
suicidal and hopeless thoughts
hating ourselves
fear of losing our jobs
calling in sick
broken friendships
hurt children
keeping track of our own lies
mysterious bruises

Well I could go on all night !

Hope it helped.

soopy99

Excellent. I will definitely keep this thought in mind.

Thanks

least

I've found lots of reasons to stay sober. Better health, waking up feeling good, not hating myself anymore, better relationships with my kids, no fear of drunk driving accidents, no more hiding my drinking, no more feeling guilty about it, able to take better care of me and my dogs... need I go on?

soopy99

Problem is I've never experienced most of this stuff . . . Yet.

Cc77

Keep on drinking and you just might! Sorry not trying to be mean but it rarely ends in a nice way.

janiebluebird

Sometimes I wish there were harsher consequences also. I wish I was mandated to go to AA, as strange as that may sound.

deeker

Key word here is YET.
Even being free from just one of those things on the list is good reason for me to stay sober!

soopy99

That's not mean. No one is ever mean on this site. Perhaps I they were, I'd get it through my thick skull that I'm on a very dangerous path

Pondlady

You mention you're beginning to notice some health problems. If you continue to drink 6-8 drinks per night, 42 - 56 per week....... well, why not stop and live a healthy life?

raja12

Most times when you are truly an alkie, you have to pay up. Sooner or later, it will define you. You may get off with whatever, but it always controls you, sooner or later. I know if you even have to ask this question, you are probably in trouble. Just my own experience talking here.
The best reason to quit drinking is because you want to. No one can make you, and you must decide this yourself.
Life is so much better without it.But not easier. Who said life was fair or easy anyway?
It is what it is, but ive found drinking always made my life worse.
You have to decide 4 yourself. I wish you the best.

Anna

I think you are lucky to not have consequences in your life from alcohol. I would love to have stopped drinking at that point. The thing is, when you have consequences, they can linger. Health problems may not be recovered from. Losing a lot of money may not be recouped. And, worst of all, damaged relationships may never be the same.

I hope that you decide to stop for good.

Nattythreads

Soopy

ALL of Deeker's list and plenty more are part of my unpleasant journey. As you hang around here - which I hope you do - you'll come to realize that again, all of us were probably once like you.

"I can't be that bad" is in the Top Ten refrains of many that dip their toes in here. The thing is, that your level of dependency will let you catch up with us all because part of your brain will want it to get worse and worse - just to prove that you are as bad as you imagined you could be.

So many of us would love to turn the clock back but we can't. We have to survey the wreckage, pick ourselves up and start trying to piece a life together again. A huge amount of people have done that and more around here. But none of us wanted to have to make the journey.

Get out while the going's good, mate. There's nothing clever about having better horror stories than the other drunk on a message board.

Cc77

So true Nattythreads. If I had just realized this 2-4 months ago, I wouldn't be alone right now! Although 2-4 months doesn't seem like long, it would have made all the difference in the world.. I wouldn't be licking my 'alcohol war wounds' right now!uuuuugh!!!!

avocado

You're going to do what you want to do. I spent close to a decade gradually getting worse and worse as a binge drinker, got into tons of legal trouble and was on the road to ruin. Toward the end I was doing a half-hearted 'quitting alcohol' attempt at least once a month. Finally, I stopped merely saying I wanted to stop and actually wanted to stop. No magic change happened to get me to that point. I merely got to that point. Until you're at that point, you're not going to stop and nothing anyone here says or does will change that fact. I won't even give you some fake platitude of 'I wish I'd stopped earlier' because I had a lot of fun over the years because of alcohol, but it eventually got to the point last december where the fun was no longer worth all the trouble I was getting into. If you want to avoid seeing what kind of trouble alcohol has in store for you, then find a way to convince yourself to stop now. If not, then returning to post "I want to stop..." on this board in between binge drinking episodes is really just a waste of your time.

Maylie

My drug of choice was heroin but told myself the same thing over and over again. "I'm only 22, I am going to law school, I haven't gotten arrested, I'm not broke, etc.etc." That is just your mind rationalizing drinking and making you think that you aren't experiencing any negative consequences.

That truth is, if you didn't have any negative consequences, you wouldn't be contemplating quitting. You would just drink and not even realize you have a problem most likely. So.. basically that means there are consequences/unwanted side effects that you are experiencing, your mind is just downplaying them and telling you it is okay to keep drinking.

Nothing anyone says can scare you into getting sober. Hell, I had 3 friends overdose and die and I still didn't see a reason to quit. The addicted mind has a warped sense of reality and until you are 100% ready to quit, there are no consequences that can make you "see the light".

One thing to remember is when you see other addicts and you hear your inner voice saying "I'm not as bad as so and so" just remember, you could be or you might be worse and your mind just isn't letting you accept it. Just because you think that you seem fine doesn't mean that is how the rest of the world sees it.

Dee74

I can guarantee you if you don't stop you'll be able to cross ever more yets off that list Soopy.

I wasn't smart enough to accept that - I held onto to the hope that I'd either learn to control my drinking, learn how to drink without bad consequences, or simply keep being made of titanium and be extraordinarily lucky.

If you're hanging onto any of those kinds of ideas, I really advise you to read around here a little more.

Things will get worse. It's only the specifics that vary.

I wish I'd quit 15 years before I did - I think you'll find thats a common sentiment.

D