HealingMySoul

I am a 28 year old single Mommy to 3 of the most amazing children in the world ages.6, 4 and 1. I was addicted to pain pills oxycontin, oxymorons, hydrocodone, percocets basically any opiate i.could get my hands on for the last 3 1/2 years. Meanwhile raising 3 babies on my own as well. I always justified my drug use.by "Well the babies have what they NEED so now I can get what I NEED" I have been clean 5 Weeks now and it has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. I'm proud of myself, but am struggling which is why I am here. I don't have time to go into my long story right now as I have my 1 year old crying. Jus now. So just wanted to introduce myself.

HealingMySoul

Ha meant oxycodone not oxymoron

Dee74

welcome Mel - glad you found us
You'll find a lot of support here

D

LadyinBC

Welcome to SR. Congrats on 5 weeks clean. You should be proud of yourself and being here means you don't have to struggle on your own.

CaiHong

Welcome to SR,
This is a great site for support
CaiHong

Hevyn

Great job on 5 weeks, Mel! You'll find all sorts of support here - we're so glad you joined us.

HealingMySoul

Thank you guys!! This recovery has been SO EXTREMELY lonely!! My family and friends are all hooked on pills too so I can't talk to them and my live in boyfriend left me for someone else the day I told him I was getting clean. He was a heroin addict for 12 years but recovered for 2 years when I met him. By the end of our relationship we were smoking A LOT of oxycontins a day. I felt my first day of sobriety I was fighting TWO addictions. Opiates AND Nic. I look back and all the things I did to get my fix every single day for 3 years and it literally puts me into anxiety attacks.

Mizzuno

Congrats on your sober time. You have plenty to be sober for. Welcome to SR!

deeker

Welcome mel, u r a beautiful young lady, such a cute pic. So great to hear you want to stop all that stuff.I hope we see you soon. Keep coming in here and posting. Amazing forum! You are so young and have an incredible life out there waiting for you. You will create such beautiful memories with those children if you stick with it and take some suggestions. I only wish I had a glimpse of what was waiting out there for me when I was your age and my son was a baby. I missed a lot with my boy and I can't get it back but you don't have to go that far. God Bless you Dear!

least

and congrats on your five weeks clean. You're smart to put an end to it at a young age. You won't have a lot of regrets when you get older if you stay clean now.

Richierich777

Hi. It looks like you have your hands full with the kids. 5 weeks is great and glad your BF left, maybe he was the issue? Anyway glad your hear and keep posting.

tansed

Congrats!!!!

SoberHappyHour

Congrats on probably the best decision you will ever make in your life, in order to maintain your life to be there for your kids. My issue was alcohol but I can relate to how you're feeling because I also am in my twenties and I feel alone in this too because my friends all drink quite a bit. Actually, that's what we did. Everything we did involved drinking one way or another. However, I think that I am better off alone and sober rather than with lots of people under the influence. I believe you will realize that too. You're a very good looking woman and sobriety will ultimately make you feel as great as you look. Good luck to you.

HealingMySoul

My 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter's daddy is an alcoholic. I left him 3 1/2 years ago (VERY heartbreaking time in my life as that was when I started abusing narcotics) Anyways, he is an alcoholic. The beginning of our relationship was drink, drink, drink, but when I got pregnant with my son I stopped and he kept drinking every single night. He hasn't seen our babies in MONTHS and lives in his car now :/ Then my 1 year old daughters daddy is a meth addict now. He shoots it up with needles. I have LITERALLY had to cut EVERYONE out so I understand your lonliness love!! You have me if you ever need someone to talk to and thank you for the compliment about my appearance My looks are improving every day that I am sober. I never realized what the drugs were doing to my appearance until someone actually pointed it out to me this past January :/

HealingMySoul

You have NO IDEA how much this statment means to me I was actually talking to one of the very few friends I have left who doesn't do drugs. I told him "I thought I was seriously weird or going crazy but after being on this forum I realize I am NORMAL. Maybe not normal in most square people's eyes but I'm normal to a lot of people on this forum." People who have never been addicts DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!! I HATE the "Oh the withdrawals are all in your head" THE EF THEY ARE!!!!!
Having people who TRULY understand addiction surrounding me feels GOOD!!! I feel like I belong for the first time since deciding to get sober

HealingMySoul

AMEN to this!!! The entire 3 1/2 years I was doing pills, well the last 3 years when I was HEAVILY doing pills I always justified my addiction because if my baby needed diapers, I would get her diapers and if that was ALL the money I had then I would just be sick until I came up with more. I justified it because my babies were/are beautiful, healthy, clean, intelligent, thriving children. I justified with the fact that I never took them on fades (to get my drugs) and they never witnessed it. I thought I was a "better mommy" when I had opiates because I had more energy and could do more.
Only when I became sober did I realize YES I got my babies what they needed first and would go sick until I could get money but, what did I do to GET that money.......and YES my children are amazing and wonderful and absouletely the most GORGEOUS human beings and the ultimate symbols of perfection in my eyes BUT my 4 year old daughter has behavioural issues that I believe come from the 2 abusive relationships I was in and stayed in because they supplied my drugs 99.9% of the time. I was also right that I NEVER took them on fades but how many times did I run out of my house with pills on my mind while my babies cried for me at the door while I left for my fade and how many times I would tell them I'm going to the store and promise them a sucker only to come home an hour later empty handed and with absolutely NOTHING from a "store." I disappointed my precious babies so many times it kills me to think about it. I mean literally I am crying just thinking about it. and YES I had more energy but I was also snappier, and I would yell a lot So many thoughts on my mind and running through my head and absolutely NO ONE to share it with that can relate until NOW finally this forum!!

SoberHappyHour

Yea I also during my time drinking did not realize that I was gaining weight and a belly and my skin was pale, all kinds of things that you don't realize while abusing. I have always been one to stay in shape too so one day I looked and said wow the alcohol is making me not care about taking care of my body or looks. I've since gotten back in shape, thank God. And thank you, likewise, you can talk to me as well. I'm kinda new on here myself so idk how to go about messaging but you can email me whenever too at cooltobekewl @ *****.com

Hope you're feeling great today

HealingMySoul

My jaw literally dropped when I read this and it was like my whole brain shifted and I finally saw myself in a whole new light thanks to you!!!
The #1 thing I have been saying lately is, I am 28 years old with 3 babies, no car, no job, and my ONLY accomplishment right now is getting off drugs! I feel like I have failed at life. I should have a CAREER right now and OWN my own home!!!
Well, of course people kept saying no, no, what you're doing takes strength and be proud of yourself, don't beat yourself up.
Your message though made me realize, you know what? I AM still young!!! My babies are NOT that old!! I have a shot at making the life I want for myself and my babies. I look at my mom who is pushing 50 years old, addicted to pills, has no car, no job and her car is broke down and I'm thinking THAT could be me!! THANK GOD I chose to get clean NOW and NOT end up like my mom. So thank you thank you thank you!!!!

HealingMySoul

That was the most hurtful thing Ive gone through relationship wise. Being in love with me one day and the next day BAM "I'm with someone else." Ugh f'ing loser!!! I had NEVER smoked a pill in my LIFE until I met him and he kept pushing and pushing and pushing for me to try it. So finally I caved and that was it. We were smoking oxys A LOT.
I am glad he left me too I just wish he wouldn't have done it in such a hurtful, humiliating way.

FeenixxRising

5 weeks is great. Keep at it. You're a mother of three, so in my book that means you can do anything Stick around here, it's a great place for support and help. And feel free to vent here when you're in a bad mood.