YoungAndClean

So sorry to report this guys. But it happened, I went back out again. I can't tell you why, I think I just missed drinking and hadn't found something productive to replace it with. Also I'm only 27 so the thought of being sober "for life" just got to be too much.

I managed to pass all my college courses thanks to sobriety, but by Finals week I was so nervous and crushed under the pressure of soon graduating that I began taking klonnopin + adderall, and abusing it of course.

To top things off I went on vacation for a week in Utah. It was a guy trip, 16 people, one of whom is an alcoholic. Anyways once I found out I had passed my class the urge to celebrate, on vacation, on a friday night, was just too much so I went out and went to bars and drank a bunch.

That was a week ago. I'm talking to my close friend and she's just helped me do what I knew I needed to do, but was to afraid. I just flushed all my adderall and klonopinn, only leaving enough for a quick healthy taper.

I'm going to go back to AA and admit defeat. I thought about lying or just not going at all. But the truth is, I need the program, I need sobriety, these last 5-6 months have shown how much I'm capable of when I'm not using. I got in the best shape of my life and this June I graduate college with a Bachelors degree. I also found a really sweet girl whose Christian like me and is helping me find my way back to the Sunlight of the Spirit. I know for me, when I take drugs or drink I seperate myself from Jesus, and he is the only thing in this world strong enough to overcome MY addiction.

Anyways guys, I don't feel like a failure or even all that bad. I think I'm just so darn proud of myself for realizing now that I don't want that lifestyle anymore. That I don't have to live my life chained to drugs/alcohol. This time around, I'm going to actively work the steps, get a serious sponsor, and try again. Thanks for letting me share, much love.

fantail

Doesn't sound like "defeat" to me... sounds like a slip, and a lesson, and it sounds like you're learning from it what you needed to. Good for you for snapping out of it, and also for taking it seriously. I think you're very right to head back to AA and own up to it.

I raise my tea to your continued sobriety. Welcome back to the wagon!

Cc77

Don't dwell! Get right back in there!!! You got this!!! I had three years clean and relapsed! I was not working the program and thought I had it beat! Been sober only 27 days, but working the program and working with a sponsor I've learned more in the last three weeks than I did being clean for 3 years. I am very excited and hopeful. Don't let your slip discourage you! Proud of you!!

YoungAndClean

Thank you guys, I know that if I have any chance of having a good life I have to have sobriety and the support to help me get through the difficult adjustments. Because lets face it, sobriety is a big frecking adjustment. It's also the best thing for me. And I can't deny that anymore. I've had all that drugs/alcohol can offer me, I wish it were easier to move on but I guess thats why im an addict/alcoholic. I keep repeating bad behaviors expecting different results.

the best thing i have going for me is my honesty. my relationship with Jesus Christ. and AA, SR, my family, and anyone else who encourages my sobriety. Its so hard, but its so darn worth it. Those 5-6 months were incredible! But I got thirsty, and i didnt call a member of AA, or pray, or anything. I simply biked to the liquor store and began drinking. This time around I'm going to take the Steps much more seriously, and the sponsor thing. And not get so cocky, like I got this. I hope to remain teachable and to be a positive force on SR, helping other addicts/alcoholics like myself who are ready to change and have new wonderful lives.

Cc77

Well said Youngandclean. If it were easy none of us would be here! I just happened to have my first really good day since I got sober again. I plan on working harder than I ever have in my life at this! I almost died of alcohol poisoning 28 days ago. I am 41 years old. I am all out of chances for now. I need to remain sober and I know that if I stay humble( and I am oh so humble right now) and true to myself and my higher power I will remain sober! Wish I had realized at 27....you are very insightful for your age

llastchance8

Well done YoungAndClean ..Your current thinking after that minor slip , is great. I would just call it a minor slip, nothing else.

It seems from your post that the desire to celebrate your education success, trigged the desire to drink. Next time on wards, you can look at changing the association .

Our minds have linked celebration with drinking so much that it is like a natural reaction. Until, I took up some great activities , I had the same problem. The only way to celebrate for me was drinking.

Now, it is different. Whenever, I want to celebrate, I give myself a treat to enjoy the activities, I like. It took time to get that association of celebration with other activities. It takes time. But whenever , it happens, it is great. It will happen for you. Whatever, you do, do not give up. Forget the minor slip and just move on to enjoy pleasures of sober life. All the best.

least

Good for you for getting right back in the saddle. Keep trying til you get it right.

quitforme79

Welcome back! It sounds like you learned something really valuable here so take what you need and jump back into recovery like you said. Try not to get too hung up on the age thing. My sponser and a lot of her friends got sober at 23 and they're lives are so well put together..they are now 31. I wonder at times how they did it but then I think that things must've been pretty bad to go into the rooms at such a young age.