One of the most sabotaging things you can do
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 77
One of the most sabotaging things you can do
Hi,
After reading a lot of posts on here, I have started to see a pattern that is not helpful.
Side-note: this is not something I just make up. I've been in therapy for over 8 years with the best professionals.
I see many people say things like:
"I'm worthless"
"I'm just a drunk"
"I'm not good enough"
"I'm ugly"
"I'm repulsive"
"I'm unattractive"
"I'm not strong enough"
"I can't do this"
"Alcohol controls me"
"I'm weak/worthless/ugly/repulsive/a loser/fill in anything here"
Those things you do to yourself. Which on some level is a good thing, because you can change any thought into a useful one. You can delete the feelings that drive these thought. You can do it right now.
Part of the reason, I now realize, that I came on here telling how easy it is to quit, is because I've had so much training by licensed professionals. Not everyone has had that.
But the very statements you make feed your addiction if you think negatively. Just test for one moment the idea that you have no negative feelings or thoughts. Would that person have a problem with alcohol?
And at the core it's about feelings. Cravings are nothing but a feeling. If you are thinking about things that might go wrong, those are fed by a feeling. Often it is fear.
Without the problematic feeling, you'd be fine.
I love the Sedona method. If you had a pencil in your hand, could you open your hand and drop it? If you had a problematic feeling, could you just let it go? Drop it and it's gone.
Cravings are based on a feeling too. Drop them and they're gone. Maybe there are several feelings urging you to drink. Drop them. And then there might be negative feelings, drop them. Boredom, drop it. Drop the negative feelings like you would drop a pencil to the floor.
This might seem too simple, but it works. You are not a victim to your feelings, you can do something about them.
You've done this all your life unconsciously. Now do it consciously.
As a test, let's say some random stranger threatens you. Naturally you are on guard when it happens. They might say things.
Do you walk away upset? That feeling you do to yourself and drop it. You can walk away being fine. You do want to learn from it, but that can feel good.
I know someone who, when he does something "embarrassing", finds it hilarious. I've seen it happen. He genuinely laughs about it.
Why? Because he dropped his negative feelings about it.
Feel a craving? Drop the feeling. Feel any negative emotion, drop it. It won't come back because before you could, the natural response has already taken it's place.
I didn't plan to write this much, but it's solid. And I suggest you use it at least 10 times. That will give you the experience.
TF
After reading a lot of posts on here, I have started to see a pattern that is not helpful.
Side-note: this is not something I just make up. I've been in therapy for over 8 years with the best professionals.
I see many people say things like:
"I'm worthless"
"I'm just a drunk"
"I'm not good enough"
"I'm ugly"
"I'm repulsive"
"I'm unattractive"
"I'm not strong enough"
"I can't do this"
"Alcohol controls me"
"I'm weak/worthless/ugly/repulsive/a loser/fill in anything here"
Those things you do to yourself. Which on some level is a good thing, because you can change any thought into a useful one. You can delete the feelings that drive these thought. You can do it right now.
Part of the reason, I now realize, that I came on here telling how easy it is to quit, is because I've had so much training by licensed professionals. Not everyone has had that.
But the very statements you make feed your addiction if you think negatively. Just test for one moment the idea that you have no negative feelings or thoughts. Would that person have a problem with alcohol?
And at the core it's about feelings. Cravings are nothing but a feeling. If you are thinking about things that might go wrong, those are fed by a feeling. Often it is fear.
Without the problematic feeling, you'd be fine.
I love the Sedona method. If you had a pencil in your hand, could you open your hand and drop it? If you had a problematic feeling, could you just let it go? Drop it and it's gone.
Cravings are based on a feeling too. Drop them and they're gone. Maybe there are several feelings urging you to drink. Drop them. And then there might be negative feelings, drop them. Boredom, drop it. Drop the negative feelings like you would drop a pencil to the floor.
This might seem too simple, but it works. You are not a victim to your feelings, you can do something about them.
You've done this all your life unconsciously. Now do it consciously.
As a test, let's say some random stranger threatens you. Naturally you are on guard when it happens. They might say things.
Do you walk away upset? That feeling you do to yourself and drop it. You can walk away being fine. You do want to learn from it, but that can feel good.
I know someone who, when he does something "embarrassing", finds it hilarious. I've seen it happen. He genuinely laughs about it.
Why? Because he dropped his negative feelings about it.
Feel a craving? Drop the feeling. Feel any negative emotion, drop it. It won't come back because before you could, the natural response has already taken it's place.
I didn't plan to write this much, but it's solid. And I suggest you use it at least 10 times. That will give you the experience.
TF
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Being where I am now I now reazlie how low my self esteem was and how often I would play "victim". My alcoholism definately plays on my negative thoughts and emotions. I call it my stinky thinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I learned about self-talk in both treatment and then following in therapy as well.
I used self-depreciating humor to an extreme and it was hurtful. I joked that I was "in the loony bin" when I was in treatment. When I was released I told my friend if any of her friends were interested in dating an "unemployed alcoholic" they should give me a call.
Another thing I did was over-emphasize negatives. For example if something didn't go my way, I would think "Nobody EVER helps me".
There is another piece I learned about "fortune telling" where we create an imaginary future world based on small remarks. If someone says "hello", they are just trying to be nice, but really they don't like you. If someone doesn't respond to an e-mail, it means they hate you and never liked you to begin with. Etc, etc.
It's really a frame of mind that needs to be ditched! And it's challenging! There's a whole 180 degree twist of thinking that needs to be grasped. Our negative mindsets and self-talk are by far the most frequent feedback we get on any given day. When the majority of that input is negative, and is spoken to one's SELF, it becomes a dark hole of depression. When combined with addiction it can be deadly.
Thanks for bringing this up, it's very very true!
I used self-depreciating humor to an extreme and it was hurtful. I joked that I was "in the loony bin" when I was in treatment. When I was released I told my friend if any of her friends were interested in dating an "unemployed alcoholic" they should give me a call.
Another thing I did was over-emphasize negatives. For example if something didn't go my way, I would think "Nobody EVER helps me".
There is another piece I learned about "fortune telling" where we create an imaginary future world based on small remarks. If someone says "hello", they are just trying to be nice, but really they don't like you. If someone doesn't respond to an e-mail, it means they hate you and never liked you to begin with. Etc, etc.
It's really a frame of mind that needs to be ditched! And it's challenging! There's a whole 180 degree twist of thinking that needs to be grasped. Our negative mindsets and self-talk are by far the most frequent feedback we get on any given day. When the majority of that input is negative, and is spoken to one's SELF, it becomes a dark hole of depression. When combined with addiction it can be deadly.
Thanks for bringing this up, it's very very true!
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