Fallow

I feel like I am leveling off. Reaching a cruising altitude in sobriety. When I started this last time I was really shattered. Just sick and tired of life in every way. So I said to myself I would do anything to change direction. And I took action.
This is some of what I can think of that I have done so far.

I went to 5 or 6 AA meetings a week.
Went to coffee after meetings.
Got phone numbers and called 2/3 people daily.
Started working with my old sponsor.
I have gotten up into step 4.
Got a service position and homegroup.
Went thru the Big Book multiple times.
Avoided heavy drinking friends for awhile.
Listened to tons of speaker tapes.
I revisited Rational Recovery.
I spent lots of time here reading various forums.
Tried to post to SR more often.
Started heavy into prayer and meditation.
Began working out and eating healthy.

And there is tons of little things I did. Guess I just needed to see what I have done so far as it has worked. This is my longest stretch of sobriety in adulthood by far. Mostly I feel great. Sure I have aches and pains, get tired, or annoyed, but most of the time I have not wanted to drink. The few times when I did want a drink I was able to quickly dismiss it as AV and move on.

I feel very strong in my sobriety right now.

Recently I discontinued my sponsee relationship for various reasons. I plan to find another and am still writing my inventory. I feel I need to be much more selective so no sponsor right now. I have slowed down on meetings. I still go to 1 or 2 a week that I enjoy. I do not call as many people anymore. I Still doing everything else the same. Seems like real life crept in on me.

After writing this down I think I answered my own question but I'll ask anyhow.. What do you think of this? Is it normal in your experience to get into recovery and then start to need the tools you leaned on a little less? Is it a warning sign to start attending less meetings as life creeps in and go sponsorless for a time?

Maybe the newness of sobriety is wearing off and is normal now?

deeker

You just need to find what works for you. If you are feeling irritated or have less peace than before than step it up. If you are comfortable and at peace with the amount of meetings , well only you can decide. No Rules. It's your life, your serenity. Just listen to that little spiritual guage inside. It will warn you if you are slipping into negative thinking, bad attitudes etc. God Bless!

Mizzuno

for what its worth, i think that it is perfectly fine for you to live your life and breath a little. I believe that everything is about balance. If you are comfortable with your recovery that is all that matters. I am sure that you will see the signs when things start to get tricky for you. Not having a sponsor for a time should not be a problem. The goal is to remain sober. Being choosy about a sponsor is smart.

trikyriky

Way to go . Good for you. Hooray ! Your in a good place.

least

It sounds to me like you're doing alright. I'd say continue to do as you are if it's comfortable for you.

Fallow

Thanks all. Yeah its all good. After writing all I have been doing I realized I have more tools in the box than I realized.

Some self doubt crept in my head probably based on my sponsor insinuating I may relapse if I don't make more meetings. Which was part of the reason I ended that relationship.

I know I am doing this for me and no matter what. When a shred of doubt is apparent I need to highlight and expose it for what it is. Glad I could do that here.

DryRoastJim

Wow!! I so like your line about "more tools in the tool box." I had a situation where I was able to find that spanner I didn't know was there!

GOOD CALL!! And thank you for a simple answer to a question I had. I agree with you, if someone in your journey to sobriety is bringing you (us) down, toss 'em, no value in a friend that doesn't support us!!

Take care and be well!

Palmtrees30s

*following*

2granddaughters

Fallow, your sponsor "insinuated" that you may relapse if you back off on your meetings ..... and you fired him for his care and concern ??

Have you talked to other oldtimers in your group?

I was at a meeting yesterday morning where Ted A. celebrated 39 yrs sober and Bill W(2) spoke. Bill is 39 yrs sober too, I spoke for his birthday in January. Bill spoke about how important it was for him to keep attending meetings so he doesn't start believing his own B.S. again.... Ted nodded in agreement.

When I am doubtful I try to pick up more meetings and talk to the oldtimers. Pray and consult.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

Delilah1

It sounds like you are doing great, and you know what you need to remain sober.

Weasel1966

I love reading this fallow! I think being mindful at all times is important. I see a therapist. I find I need him more than other times. I don't think to myself that I have nothing left to say on certain topics but I just ride it out. I think the same of our sobriety tools. Go worth the flow.

Sally3127

Be careful about cutting down on meetings. I did and ended going back out. Meeting makers make it. Good luck.

sugarbear1

Get through those steps WITH a sponsor. My sponsor and others who have a well rounded life and are quite serene continue to work with their sponsor regularly, even after decades of continuous sobriety and they continue to sponsor others.

Sponsee? You have yet to really get through the steps, step 4 is where the action begins..... You can still work with them and give freely what was and is and can continue to be given to you freely.

Don't rest on your laurels in the middle of step 4, get to at least 7! Freedom and relief are going to come to you!! Steps 8 & 9 are also action steps and important to complete to the best of your ability.

"Recently I discontinued my sponsee relationship for various reasons. I plan to find another and am still writing my inventory. I feel I need to be much more selective so no sponsor right now. I have slowed down on meetings. I still go to 1 or 2 a week that I enjoy. I do not call as many people anymore. I Still doing everything else the same. Seems like real life crept in on me."

All I see is red here....a bunch of red flags....and truthfully, this is nowhere close to "Still doing everything else the same."

Seems some delusional thinking is returning, it's that ego rebuilding itself, oh, yeah, it never did get down to humbleness yet.....

I wish you well on your sober journey!

With love & hugs,
~SB

quitforme79

Fallow I have all the same tools in my toolbox too! But... I was saying the other day how I'm now trying to find balance between my recovery time (meetings, reading, doing the steps with my sponser) & the new life I have found in sobriety which although includes mostly people from the rooms, we do other things besides meetings. I stopped attending the 90 in 90 & slacked off. I am now making sure I go 4-5 per week. Since I hang w aa's or myself the other days lol, this is a good number for me. It does concern me that you are sponser less. Consider finding someone else?

Fallow

I like all the differing perspectives on this.
I know my sponsor meant well, and he helped me greatly. Him getting on a soapbox about me making 1 particular meeting at a specific time, when I did not know if I would be able or not was really the straw that broke the camels back.

Fallow

This is all a blessing in disguise I think.

I now have a great reason to make more meetings so I can look for a sponsor. I fully intend to continue and finish the steps.

My sponsor got on a soapbox because I would not commit to making 1 particular meeting. I did not honestly know if I could make it when he asked so I did not commit to it. The rant he went on after I said 'no I cannot promise that' was the straw that broke the camels back.

I had to be honest.

I know he has good intentions. I am very grateful for all his help and I told him that. He had no obligation to sit with me but he did it anyway.

There were lots of red flags from the past and currently that he just was not the right fit for me.

As much as I wanted and tried to force that relationship to work I knew it would not work. No harm done.

I have learned a lot and will continue seeking.

You all are great.

Fallow

The other response that got 'lost' popped up!



One other thing I like what you said Quitforme. The new life I have is very busy and new. I would not feel so at peace with myself today if not for all those tools but especially AA.

So me slacking off a little makes me feel bad like I took from the program and ran away.

I made a promise in the beginning I would carry the message to others when I finished the steps and I fully intend on fulfilling it.

It's life. There will be more bumps in the road.

quitforme79

So true fallow...I too started to feeling a little bad. Us alcoholics are so great at guilt huh? BUT when we do finish the steps we will go out and sponser others. And just think...you can help someone in a meeting by just being there and saying something they need to hear. These are the times that we don't even know we are helping others I think you are doing awesome..being honest with your sponser is working the program 100%. You will find a better match I am sure of it. Keep up the good work!

Mizzuno

I think that you are doing the right thing. You chose sobriety, and you get to chose how to walk this road. There are many roads to the same destination. Keep up the good work.

2granddaughters

Go gently ... go safely.

All the best.

Bob R