Clarityplease

Hello I went to rehab january 8th and stayed sober for 69 days then drank 3 times, but the last one was the worst. I had a terrible blackout and only had a clue of what had happened the night prior because of clues in my house. Then i asked someone what happened and was in disbelief that i screwed up this bad again. I'm so upset and discusted and my poor husband has to deal with me. Right now he is in college and we dont live together so i am sure the loneliness is what got me out of the house to begin with but i just wanted to hang out. Anyone have this type of thing happen to them? The 1016 counselor explained to me how a blackout happens and what happens to your brain so it is kind of a relief knowing i am not evil or something, but it makes me sad to know i have such a bad problem and I really NEED YOU ALL for support! Please help me. I was doing great til recently i had to stop going to meetings. Went downhill from there, but after this I am going to have to try a lot harder than i was. It just sort of snuck up on me. I decided today to look online for a support group since i am pretty much stuck at home and don't have many friends.

Fallow

Yes it has happened to me many times. I hated blackouts. Of course sometimes I think I must have enjoyed it at some point because I kept on. The only way to avoid them for me was to stop drinking completely. I could never predict when it would hit.. Drink 3 drink 6 drink 10? Then there were times I drank a whole bottle and did not black out.

One great thing about sobriety is my life is not so unpredictable anymore. I could not find any peace when I was still trying to figure out what I did last night.

Do you have a plan of how to stay sober? Going back to meetings?

FeenixxRising

Try to see the relapse as a learning experience and move forward. It's natural to be disappointed and disgusted with yourself, but try not to keep that frame of mind for more than a day or so. Forgive yourself, but don't excuse yourself.

The point is to keep trying. Many of the long time sober members on this site tried many times before they became sober. Many members here came back from a hell that many of us could only imagine, so if they can do it, so can we.

Can you start going to meetings again? If not, try to spend time on this site everyday. There is a lot of support, and a lot of success stories.

hope22

Welcome to SR Clarityplease, you will find a lot of support here.

SophieB

Yes Clarity..look at your relapse as a way to strengthen your resolve. That is (one of the million) things that sucks about alcohol it is so unpredictable. It's a crap shoot, a roll of the dice what is going to happen next..

Here is something you can bet on don't pick up the poison and you don't have to go down that scary path again

Stay strong!!!

SnwFlower

Welcome to SR Clarity. You are right, this is a great place for online support. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and remember that you're not alone. I live by myself, am not in a relationship and don't have any family around so I used to rely on alcohol to fill that void too, but it clearly was not the solution. Getting sober was the only thing that made me feel better. Are there things that you can do to get out that don't include alcohol? Can you go to meetings again?

"Every Passing Minute Is A Chance To Turn It All Around" ~ Vanilla Sky

quitforme79

My last blackout nearly killed me. It's terrifying to think we are awake but not in control. The awesome thing is we can guarantee it will never happen again by staying sober. You can do this. The meetings sound like they were helping you so get back to what was working. We are here for you!

Clarityplease

Well I am now going to use this website and trying to keep busy with all the good things I should be doing. meditation, crochet, exercise, etc. I only really go to meetings one day a week unfortunately, but i am going to start more reading because I haven't done much of that.

Clarityplease

Yeah loneliness is def. a big trigger for me. I am just going to get on here a lot and go do things as much as possible even if it's not much.

Clarityplease

Well i would love to get back to what i was doing, but can't afford to have a babysitter now. My mom was coming over but she cant handle stress well at all and also is poor so she has no gas money to get over here enough for me to go. As soon as i find some money i will give it to her so she can make it over here but i am behind on bills. life is tough at the moment.

2granddaughters

Do you have an AA sponsor? Do you have phone numbers of the members to call?

You have to get back to the meetings.. nothing is more important than that.

Without the meetings and sobriety all will be lost shortly anyway.

All the best.

Bob R

Clarityplease

i dont have a sponsor really. one lady was asked to be mine but she never calls. Im from a small town and it is hard to find one and im not sure how to, but i will force myself to call around tomorrow. i do have phone numbers. Thanks a lot. ;-) I will get over my fear of calling strangers.

deeker

You can find many inspiring speakers on you tube and AA workshops to aid you along with SR. God Bless You! Shake the shame, does no good!

Dave H

If you relapse, do the "next right thing". Get right back on track and learn from it. Good luck to you.

trikyriky

I used the phone numbers from meeting. The guy I called asked me if I needed a ride. Is getting there a problem ?

Tammy47

Clarity. The few blackouts I experienced (about 3 over the year) were the main reason I gave up. Just terrified the ........ outta me. I did not know they were blackouts, I was so confused, until I read this site. Welcome and best wishes

least

Blackouts can be scary indeed and there's no telling what you'll do during one. I'm glad you came here for support.

Clarityplease

no actually the church they are at 3 times a week is right next to my apartment! It is so irritating. lol

Clarityplease

I'm horrified to find out that my son saw me and the guy. :-( I just asked him about what he said to grandma and he told me and i asked him to not bring it up again please cuz i would be in lots of trouble. This is horrible! i hope he forgets cuz he is only 4........ i guess it was dark so i hope he didnt see much. The more time passes the more I want to punch the neighbor! I know it is my fault for drinking, but I am getting angry cuz he wasn't blacked out and knew better. Uhggggg. i just hope i don't see him. And if i do i hope my son doesnt make it awkward now that he saw him. :-( I hope he didnt really see who he was.

wiscsober

Your loneliness and isolation can be shared with other AA members. L&I are two of the biggest earmarks of alcoholism. Get out of the house and try to help another person in the same position you are, like just going to a meeting and sharing. May recovery be yours and your husband's forever.