TotalFreedom

Hi all,

Does this sound familiar to you?

When I used to drink heavily, I constantly was sweating and smelling awful. Even on the days I did manage to take a shower, shortly afterwards I started oozing disgusting, alcoholic sweat. I would need to brush my teeth extra too, since it came out of my mouth as well.

And the physical appearance, which wasn't even much of a problem to me since I have a high speed metabolism. But I did gain a few pounds too much.

That combined with living in a daze which makes a negative impression on people. All of this made it so I not only felt gross, I even heard someone comment on it once.

The sluggishness, the sweating, the smell, the "man boobs" (even though they were small for me, they were noticeable), all of it let me to being just gross.

It was reality, not a perception of what people thought of me. I knew it.

Now that I quit, I'm starting to smell normal. I take good care of myself. I feel good. People notice that.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Rock2534

Good work. I notice that too an my gf would always say I smell like sweat. Once I get a week or so of sobriety, I notice my palms don't sweat as much, my face turns back to a normal color instead of bright red. I often wonder who else notices these effects on me.

LadyinBC

When I was off work and drinking I wouldn't shower for days and days if I was binging.

My apartment was appalling. It was a pig sty and I never let my place go like that before I started drinking. I had empty bottles stashed all over the place, dirty dishes that sat for weeks, garbage, etc. I'm just disgusted with myself that I let it get to that.

I'm like totally embarrassed to even post this!

TotalFreedom

This is exactly my experience. Now that I quit, I have started to clean up the mess. And it is quite a lot. I can't believe I let it get that bad, but when you're drunk, you don't care. Until a family member visits.

I'm tired of having to keep people out of my apartment because of the mess. Now being sober I am cleaning it up.

A HUGE inspiration btw, for me, is the movie Limitless. Especially the scene where the guy thinks something like "Who has been living here?"

I recommend that movie. He does get to that point using some non-existent drug, but the general message to me is:

Being a drunk means being a mess.
Being sober means being limitless, having everything available to you.

It's quite a fun movie and an eye opener for me.

newhope01

I never had a "smelly" problem but I have gained a bit too much weight from being sedentary and too worried about my cardiovascular health to go running after a night of heavy drinking (of course if I was so worried why not just stop drinking then!). But, after a few nights of heavy drinking I would have night sweats. Does anyone know why someone suffers night sweats after heavy drinking?

Deluxe

I at times had sweat pouring off me, even if it wasn't humid. I had an employee say that they smelt alcohol, even though I was 5 meters away. People would notice my hands shake when I would press an elevator button. My face was bright red and slightly bloated. My skin would break out and my eyelids would get slight infections. My contacts would dry out leaving my eyes irritated and red. My kness would weaken making me careful going down stairs. I would get short of breath. When really hung over my voice would trail off as I forgot words and what I was going to say. Holding it together was hard, hard work. I showered daily and dressed to kill but still I stunk and looked like crap. People I barely knew would comment that I needed to eat more and looked haggard. I used to think "how dare you!".

My blood pressure and heart rate went through the roof and I went on blood pressure meds for 2 years. When I stopped it plunged well back into normal and well within the highly desirable range for my age. To the doctors it was inexplicable. To me it was perfectly explicable.

I always had a range of injures I couldn't explain. Gazes to the arms and shins, sore ribs, bruises.

Truth was I looked and felt like death warmed up. It was a nightmare.

Yup

Towards the end I started to smell myself.

The smell of BO mixed with barf, Aristocrat vodka, Marlboro reds, and chili dogs w/onions in my unkempt beard was quite unpleasant.

BoozeFree

Sounds all too framiliar! I actually forgot about all of that, thanks for the reminder. The night sweats and dehydration too. Another reason to be glad to be sober!

Cc77

Wow I used to have night sweats while drinking. I didn't know that is what caused it.. While drinking, just to get myself to shower was like running a marathon... Ewe!! I am 5'7 and got dwn to 117 pounds!! I looked like a skeleton! I'm on 26 days and have gained 10 pounds! I was sooo disgusting looking before!!

Coldfusion

I call this a "war story" thread; they can be very popular.

Have you heard some where the person dies? Here's one: the great-uncle I'm named after. He was a famous jazz musician, once was so drunk he almost drowned playing his trumpet in the Mississippi River. Is that funny? Then, somewhat later, he was unhappy about his poor health and shot himself in the head

Cc77

Wow!! That's nuts! We alcoholics are control freaks huh?

Cc77

I know I am!!

LadyinBC

Ain't that the truth! I was a mess, my life was a mess, my apartment was a mess. Everything I touched was a mess!

I certainly have no desire to go back to that.

Panache

My thoughts exactly. I sabotaged everything I got my hands on, including myself.

IreLander

I remember someone once took a picture of me while at a bar drinking then sent it to me. I looked sick...like dying sick. Face splotchy, nose red as rudolphs... eyes swollen and droopy.

My apartment is still in shambles...but the cleaning process has started. 5 days sober and am already starting to see some real benefits of not drinking healthwise... Its good to be sober.

zanabanana

I'm starting to understand exactly what you mean about being gross with yourself. Even though I didn't give off a stench when I drink, I'm noticing more and more these days about how my sluggish voice and train of thoughts are as sharp as they use to be. Even when sober. I couldn't complete a complete thought for anything.

I believe what I'm feeling is the psychological aspect of feeling gross, rather than the physical side. Even though I was once a crazy workout fiend who had loads of energy... now I just feel blah and very gross with myself. Now I'm starting to gain weight around the midsection. This isn't like me. It's never been like me. And the drinking of wine didn't start happening heavily until I lost my job a month or so back. I love to work. I have a passion for work. I was shocked when I was let go, and even more pissed they barely gave me a chance to show off what I can do.

I miss my old self. I miss the sharpness of my tongue when talking with people. I miss me, period. And most of all, I miss being able to have a civilized conversation with my boyfriend where I can really tell him what it is exactly I passionate about in this world. I feel gross I can't even do that. Not with him, but with myself. This is awful. Where did this all go truly wrong, and how can I stop feeling gross. I keep relapsing.

TotalFreedom

First of all, thanks to everyone participating in this thread. Sometimes it felt like these things would only happen to me. But knowing that others have experienced as well makes me feel less alone.

As for the part I highlighted above, I recognize that so much. I used to get so drunk I would fall down and hurt myself, often even without me even knowing it happened until the next morning.

It reminds me of a few lines by Eminem.

Side note: I'm a huge Eminem fan. He's gone through extreme depths of addiction to the point of just taking anything he got his hands on. Accidentally took methadone, he didn't even know what it was which got him in a coma. The doctors said that had they found him two hours later, he'd be dead.

Now he's been sober for a long time. He raps about both his struggles and experiences as well as getting clean and now being clean. Btw, he says, as many people do who get clean that he feels better than ever.

Anyway, there are potentially more preferences than there are people and I'm just a huge fan. More so, I find his last two albums to be of great motivation for staying clean. So I'd like to share a few lines. Some have some explicit content, but we're all adult here I assume.

From "Deja Vu":

*
[Verse 2]
Maybe just a nice cold brew, what's a beer
That's the devil in my ear, I been sober a ******' year
And that ****** still talks to me he's all I can ******' hear
Marshall, come on we'll watch the game, it's the Cowboys and Buccaneers
And maybe if I just drink half I'll be half buzzed
For half of the time, who's the mastermind behind that little line
With that kind of rationale man I got half a mind
To have another half of glass of wine, sound asinine
Yeah I know, but I never had no problem with alcohol
Ouch, look out for the wall, aim for the couch - I'm 'bout to fall
I missed the couch and down I go lookin' like a bouncy ball
**** musta knocked me out cause I ain't feel the ground at all
Wow, what the **** happened last night, where am I
Man, **** am I hungover and goddamn I
Got a headache, **** half a Vicodin, why can't I
All systems ready for take off, please stand by
*

Sounds very familiar to me. Especially the falling down while blacking out. Also, I noticed that now that I quit, wounds are beginning to heal faster. During my years being drunk, it took ages for something to heal, if at all.

From "Lighters":

"But from now on I’m refusing to ever give up
Only thing I ever gave up’s using, no more excuses"

Anyway, [/rambling]

hypochondriac

To be honest I am surprised this doesn't come up more often. I liked to think I got away with it, I washed every day and made an effort with my appearance, actually, scratch that, I started washing everyday because once someone said really loudly 'I smell beer' on the bus next to me one day when I hadn't had a shower. But even washing a few times a day I think I still had that acrid smell. Towards the end I had night sweats often and even during the day I'd have this greasy film on my chest. I've always been a bit rosy but I was red and blotchy all the time and people did notice my puffy hands. My hairdresser made a comment about my hair feeling greasy even though I had washed it that morning. In fact I cut all my hair off because no matter how much I washed it it was always greasy. Even after bleaching the hell out of it. I had scaly skin on the front of my legs and I carried eye drops with me everywhere because my eyes were painfully dry most of the time. Oh and the time I broke out in hives, that was fun. I can't tell you how much easier taking care of myself has become sober.

TotalFreedom

zananbanana, I feel for you. I recommend you start a new thread about the problem of relapsing. There are many people on here who can relate and help. I would love for you to get back to your old self and leave the booze behind.

TotalFreedom

Most of the post in this thread sound so familiar to me. You mentioning the hairdresser brought up a memory.

I remember one day sitting at the hairdresser, just sweating as if I was standing in the rain. Feeling dazed, trying to wipe off the sweat with a tissue but it just kept coming. And worrying about what they must think of me when it's my turn and I have to get in that chair.

Suddenly, I didn't notice her approaching, an employee said from behind me "Can I get you a glass of water? I notice you're sweating."

It is so wonderful to walk around without sweating alcohol drenched sweat.