newhope01

Whenever I stop by the gas station after work, there is this lady that always comes up to me and tells me the same story about how she's in abusive relationship, had a miscarriage, and is just trying to scrounge up enough money to get a hotel room for the night while always holding a bottle of wine. She will always admit that she does, "drink a little wine now and then but no hard stuff."

I know she doesn't recognize me as she always tells me the same story and acts if I am a complete stranger. I always let her tell me her story and then I offer to buy her food. When I stare into her puffy downtrodden eyes, I see a reflection of myself in her. Our last encounter she didn't want any food until I explained, "I know I always try and help you out but I don't even have any change to give you all I can do is buy you a bite to eat." Her eyes lit up realizing that she has met me many times before but has no recollection and said that she would indeed like some beef jerky. I obliged her request and she was off carrying her bottle of wine saying, "thank you, sister." Yeah, we really are sisters dealing with the same addiction.

I wanted to reach out to her and tell her that there is a better way and that she doesn't need to live this way. But, who am I to try and lend out a helping hand when I keep falling down myself. Its just such an amazing realization to know we really are no different with the exception that I keep trying and failing and she just flat gave up. This poor woman is an example of a life that I could be living if I continue to drink which is a bleak future I don't want for anyone including myself.

bryangt

Maybe, just maybe if you try & reach out to her, it would actually help you. I know you often hear, you can't give out what you don't have, but I also feel by just trying it may enhance one's own effort at sobriety in some way. You don't know unless you try. I agree to, that it is through these encounters that we often get a sense of gratitude for where we are in life and that things could be a lot worse.

Weasel1966

New hope. Can I offer a flip side?

I agree I am no further from her position than she is from the life she seemingly choose. But I have worked with many homeless. I have got them hotel rooms and food. Company and respect. But the biggest lesson I learned is I cannot fix things for them. Many actually wanted to stay the way they are living. It's what they know and what feels secure.

When I was being hit as a kid it felt better to be yelled at than loved after a while. It took time.

There is no right answer. If you get the chance to help all the better for both of you. But if you dont. Then do just as you seem to be. Taking the lesson with you.

newhope01

Weasel, I understand what you are saying that some folks are not wanting change and are content to live their lives the way they have been. I know I can't fix people, but I can buy her a meal and hope she someday chooses not to live such a hard life on the streets. I can hope that that someday my future may be different if I make different choices than she made.

And who knows, maybe something will happen to her that may help her change her life in a postive direction. I pray that it does.

Hanna

I had a boyfriend whose Mother lived on the streets. He didn't want anyone to know and many did not. One day a guy from his circle of friends was visiting. They played sports together but weren't that close and hadn't known each other for long. The friend suddenly remembered meeting a woman with the same last name. He told us a story of meeting this woman on the street, asking for food. He bought her a sandwich and sat and ate with her and they talked. She talked about her family and her kids. He remembered the conversation very clearly. Our minds were blown. I tried not to react as the story unfolded, because my boyfriend was always incredibly private about his childhood and I wasn't sure if he would tell this guy: it was indeed his mother.

She had already died by then, but just knowing that one person had treated her with such dignity and kindness meant alot to her son.

Whatever you do or say, it makes a difference in this world. If not to the woman then to the people that care about her.

newhope01

That was very touching story you shared Hanna.