bluesweater

Stick with it Acheleus. As for the lonely part - you are certainly not alone... look at all of us? And you will meet so many people through AA. I'm early on and I've already made connections with people, and whenever I go to meetings, I see all the connections others have made. And they are REAL connections - not superficial ones driven by booze. Take it one day at a time and keep posting, that's what I'm doing!

Acheleus

Tonight is my fifth night of sobriety and I feel like I am going crazy. My chest hurts and I feel sleep deprived, loopy, like I am in a dream. I lived with my ex gf four years and now I haven't seen or talked to her in four months. I have to study for a test on Friday and all I want to do is go to town and listen to music in a bar and find other drunks. But I know I will blackout and end up in jail or run over in the street. Tonight is the absolute worst I have felt in months. I feel like my life is over. I want to play music and sing but I drank myself into this horrible apartment at 27 with no friends and a drunk loser for a father. I am sorry to complain. Everything feels so hopeless. I cannot sleep. I cannot think. I drank on the weekends only so I know this is not withdrawals. Why can't I read or write? Why can't I function without alcohol? I just want to go out and find a beautiful woman to talk to. Sorry for ranting. I think I am losing my mind and I can't get out of bed.

FeenixxRising

Stick with it until you get through it. Can you exercise, like right now? Maybe walk in place for 30 minutes or so while watching televison? It will take your mind off of things and you should feel better afterward.

FeenixxRising

Oh, and pat yourself on the back for staying sober for 5 days. I think you're psyching yourself out. Take a few deep breaths and get yourself a centered.

quitforme79

Hang in there. Just tell yourself to just get through tonight sober. 1 minute or hour at a time. When I feel like you're describing I distract myself by watching a movie, documentary, reading. Or just keep reading & posting on here. Remember that being uncomfortable is okay, it's a sign that you are changing and growing if you stick with this.

Mizzuno

Hey you. Do you have any chamomile tea? Do you have any Valerian root or sleepy time tea? How about putting on some soothing music or nature sounds? I sense that you are having anxiety and all these things have proved to be helpful for me when my mind was causing trouble. You are alright. These moments will pass. Stay close.

Acheleus

The truth about my drinking is I drank as a kind of way to kill my self without really killing my self. I have this voice that always plays in my head. It says: you are worthless. You let everyone down. You are ugly weak and pathetic. Everybody knows you are a crazy drunk. Why don't you just drown yourself in the ocean you sorry $&@! Up. Nobody cares about you and people are greedy anyway. This world is a bad world. So I hear that ALL THE TIME. Having a few beers would turn it off. So I am tired of being left alone. I will never feel good knowing I can never drink again. I hate my self. When I am drunk and sober I hate my self.

Mizzuno

Acheleus- have you thought about seeing a therapist? I believe that a trained professional can help you with these self defeating thoughts and get you in a healthier place. No?

artsoul

I used alcohol to drown out my thinking, too, but as you know, alcohol wears off and leaves us even worse off......

When I got sober, I realized I was going to have to take charge of my own negative thoughts and start to turn them around. No one wants to live with someone who is always putting them down.... that's what I did to myself and what you're doing to yourself, too. You can begin to challenge those thoughts, though, and see that just because you feel lonely, for example, it doesn't mean you'll be alone forever or that your life is doomed.

(Mindfulness helped me a great deal (you might want to google it). Learning to stand back and be an observer of our feelings makes it easier to work "with" them rather than against them).

Try to take things a day at a time, too. Usually, when we're in the moment, we're OK..... it's when we start thinking about the future that we feel overwhelmed. I hope you feel better soon.....

gaffo

One day at a time, just don't drink. These five days are awesome, don't give them back. Try to savor any positive things that occur, it will get better all the time soon.

If you can keep this going you will find new better tools to deal with your problems. For myself, breaking out of my arrested development has resulted in some profound changes in my thinking.

Hang in there!

Acheleus

I apologize for being negative. I am immature but trying to learn how to grow up. I want to believe in myself one day. I care about my sobriety more than anything else. I am sorry again for posting such negative trash. I hope everyone is doing well.

Grymt

Doing ok here, Acheleus.
Thank's for asking.
Be well. All the best to you.

1newcreation

Hey! Your sober going on 3 wks so you must be doing smthg right or u want this trend u're on to change. I wasn't a blackout drinker but an alki anyway so my suggestion is google nearest AA mtgs to you. Don't be ashamed or embarassed coz we've all been there. Sit & listen to what's shared & u'll identify w/ almost everyone u hear talk, whether male or female. Then get a sponsor, do the steps throughly & change the people u're around. I was told when I joined that I had to change my playmates, playground & toys....if u don't then sobriety will be a struggle & u'll go back out in no time. Don't let this disease beat & kill u...u're a lot younger than when I 1st heard of this wonderful program & I'd like to save u gettin DWI's, incacerations & wasted untold amts of $...Wish u the best sir

Acheleus

6 days sober. Hope everyone is doing well and feeling strong. I finally got some sleep and the negative thoughts quoted down. I have a test in the morning so I will be up studying all night, but I am glad my mind is a little clearer? Does anyone have any experience with clearer thinking as they progressed in sobriety? I'm not sure what to expect in terms of new thoughts and ways of perceiving my self in the world. One thing is I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I want a good job and a wife. I hope sobriety will help me realize what I want to be. I hope I can find a nice person to marry one day . How did things get better after you quit drinking?

sugarbear1

It's a process. Changes occur, just over time. First, we learn to stay stopped. Then we learn to deal with our strong emotions. We deal with life, one day at a time while sober.

If I could turn back time, well, I wish I had stopped at the age of 25 when I went to my first AA meeting, but I refused to relate to "those people."

Fast forward 25 years, ouch! I wish.... Today, I work the 12 steps into my life and my life is contented. I no longer feel like a worthless piece of crap.

Rational Recovery
AVRT
SMART
Life Ring
Power to Quit
SOS
Women for Sobriety

all have their own websites. Find a method that works for you and work it well.

Keep moving forward, focus on not drinking only today, and get an awesome grade on that exam!!!!

Acheleus

Seven days sober and I have to go to a social function in a few hours... How do I know I won't have a beer? Or 15? I got a free ticket to this thing and I have to go but I am scared I will drink. I keep telling myself "I will have a coke please." Anybody got any advice? I do not trust my self at only my seventh day sober.

Acheleus

Tested my strength to resist booze. I had cokes and coffee at a few different places and listened to some strange band. Now I am home and I don't have to deal with a hangover and depression in the morning. I saw drunk people throwing up and falling down in the street. I am glad that wasn't me. But I will stay out of bars for the near future. Seventh night of sobriety.

deeker

Acheulus, spelled wrong i think oops.

I am so happy to see you, I really am. I am thrilled that you are trying to stay sober and going to a meeting. I know the lonlieness. I have felt it before and it is a very hollow feeling. Let us know how the meeting went. We are here for you friend.

deeker

Acheleus, as you stay sober longer you will feel better and your interest in lotsa things will increase. It just kinda happens and you may not be able to force it. It's when you begin to have self worth again and begin waking up with fresh hope daily.

I started by getting involved in AA and slowly rebuilt a new identity for myself.

Making coffee once a week kept me accountable.

Doing nice things, Keeping my promises. taking on service commitments. Became more available to my parents. Offered to help them with housework, lawnwork etc.

I had to slowly build up my self esteem by doing esteemable things. I realized I had an interest for writing and became eager to learn more about the Bible.

Recovery has made me want to eventually go into jails and talk to women about addiciton. The same one I was in 7 times.

I have realized the kind of people I want to surround myself with and that I don't have to try to fit in anymore . I believe if you just keep doing the next right thing and seeking help here, at meetings and don't pick up that your life will naturally unfold like a Flower. It just happens, it's just a natural process of doing the next right thing.

Good stuff happens.

Acheleus

I feel like these days I haven't been drinking alone at home like years past. I go out to try to meet people but I am quiet and really don't understand how to meet women. Tonight I was sober and I realized when I drank I just felt worse. Maybe I need to get some long term sobriety under my belt before trying to find a relationship. I felt better today than I have in months. I will develop my talent for music and writing and focus on making my self a better person. Tomorrow is day 8 and the longest I have been sober is 16 days. Coming home to my empty apartment is lonely but I am learning to accept the feeling without hiding from fear in a bottle. Life is scary without alcohol sometimes. I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you for the encouraging posts I stayed sober tonight because I didn't want to let anyone on here down. SR is the best thing I have found for my sobriety.