RightLAine

Welll here I am...another morning waking up feeling like complete $hit, thinking of an excuse to not go to work, feeling regretful, sad, and depressed. I made it 3 days last week...I didn't drink friday and woke up Saturday morning feeling the best I had in months....so why why why did i mess it all up. Saturday night and most of yesterday.....drunk. Not like a mean , unproductive , passed out drunk. Just buzzed all day. Cooked, cleaned took care of things...but with alcohol involved. I woke up this morning and something clicked....I have reached an emotional bottom. I cant keep doing this. I called off work today bc I am having such bad anxiety attacks ( I only get them the day after drinking so I dont know y I keep doing it) My bf drinks but not like me. I drank most of his 1.75 liter bottle he wants me to replace it and this is fine I will but I am never touching stuff again. I have realized I am completly powerless with alcohol. I was going to avoid coming on here b/c I was so ashamed I didnt make it through my first weekend and it seems everyone else did but I wanted to hold myself accountable for my mess it, Sorry for venting.....day 1 AGAIN

Weasel1966

Right .... Change happens slower than we expect sometimes. I know I drank when I did not want it even. But I did. And like you had panic attackes on a mega scale. Like could not get up from my desk panic.

The emotions are temporary. I think you know that. But they don't feel less intense I am sure.

How about you take a deep breath. Watch so,e TV. Read here. I know when I try to lay down I get in my own way with negative self talk.

Glad you decided to come here and post. Keep posting. Keep venting.

Coldfusion

If you're missing work because of drinking, you can afford to spend a weekend at a detox center.

RightLAine

Thanks Weasel.....yes I have been on this site all morning chatting with people. It makes me feel better to know someone understands, I missed worked today b/c of anxiety attacks but yes the anxiety attacks are due to drinking alllllll day yesterday. Its hard bc my boyfriend doesnt understand panic attacks or alcoholism. Today he told me nothing was wrong I was making it all up. And u know when your in the middle of a panic attack thats the last thing u want to hear

Mizzuno

So, if you are at your emotional bottom this is a good sign. I tried and tried and tried and tried to quit. I didnt get the message until I freaked out on a plane and lost my job. The aftermath of this type of situation is horrible ( I do not recommend it). One day of work missed so that you can have a chance to be free of destruction? Sounds good to me. You have a choice. Please heed this warning. It can only get worse the farther that you travel into those bottles. Congrats on your decision to quit.

Elisabeth888

Don't avoid coming on here because you drank, come on here and share about it....that is what we do to get better. We are all in the same boat.

I will have six months next week and I need to "talk" to other addicts/alcoholics. You guys get me. My husband just decided to start stocking up his liquor cabinet, I guess he trusts me. I look at it as a slap in the face. It is not all about me though, I guess.

My best advice to you is to take it one day, one moment at a time and to take care of YOU. Don't beat yourself up.

Some peeps will come along with some great advice.

Oh, and your bottom can be a new beginning and you never have to have one again.

Nonsensical

100% agree. We are the LAST people you should feel embarassed about letting know you drank. We've all been there. Drinking when you know you shouldn't, when you don't even WANT TO is the hallmark of addiction.

It sucks.

It's beatable.

You can do it.

HopeBegins

Hey... we've all been there. Yesterday I was doing household chores, etc. and worried about my fiancee being distant all day. So I ended up buying a bottle of wine and drinking from it all day. I hate the feeling I have the next day after I drink. I am beginning to remember the "natural high" I used to get from exercising, and I am working on getting back to that. If you go for a long walk or run or hit the gym, you suddenly don't want to put booze in your body. Try that next time you want a drink. I too have a significant other who keeps alcohol in the house and it makes me uncomfortable but he says he only drinks on occasion unlike me who can't stop.